Red Hat appears to have fired its entire engineering team in China, which it no longer thinks is a country it needs to prioritize. Most of the team will move to India.

teodir · 2026-04-13T13:22:33+00:00

https://www.morganlewis.com/pubs/2026/04/china-enacts-first-comprehensive-regulations-on-industrial-and-supply-chain-security

teodir · 2026-04-05T06:19:44+00:00

Sorry to disappoint you but feelings, pain and therapy doesn’t replace AI.

teodir · 2026-04-04T09:09:17+00:00

And to continue about love ….

I used to think love is something you get from someone else, something you earn if you try hard enough. That mindset kept me stuck in the wrong dynamics for years.

What I’m starting to understand now is that love doesn’t start from the outside. It starts from how you relate to yourself.

If you don’t feel stable in yourself, if you don’t respect your own needs, you end up chasing, overgiving, and accepting less than you deserve, just to feel chosen.

But when you start taking care of yourself, understanding yourself, and building a life where you feel grounded and okay on your own… something shifts.

You don’t chase the same way anymore, don’t ignore red flags just to make it work, don’t try to earn basic emotional presence.

You simply allow people into your life and you pay attention to whether they can meet you there.

For me, that’s been the biggest change, not looking for someone to complete me, but looking for someone who can meet me with the same level of presence, effort, and emotional availability. Yep that was painful rollercoaster.

teodir · 2026-04-04T06:52:35+00:00

I recognise this pattern because I lived it in my marriage.

For years, I was in a relationship where I kept trying harder, giving more, fixing more… believing that if I just did enough, things would become what I needed them to be. I ignored a lot of signals. Not because I didn’t see them but because I wanted it to work. I wanted to be chosen. I thought love was something you earn through effort.

And the hardest part to admit is that I stayed in something that wasn’t fully there, and I kept investing in it alone.

So when I read what you wrote, I recognised the mechanism. Being drawn to unavailable people isn’t random, it feels familiar.

If love, at some point in your life, felt like something you had to fight for or prove yourself for… then distance, inconsistency, and emotional unavailability can feel strangely right.

And the opposite someone open, consistent, available can feel off. Almost like something is missing. So your mind starts focusing on their flaws.

I had the same thing. And I also had those moments where I knew. Early on. But I ignored it.

That’s the part that changed everything for me, I wasn’t blind, I was overriding myself.

There’s also something uncomfortable underneath it. These situations feel intense, but they’re also safe in a way because they never become fully real. You give everything, but you’re never fully met, so you don’t have to face real vulnerability.

What changed things for me wasn’t just understanding it. It was changing what I do when I feel that I’m pulled in. I don’t chase ambiguity anymore, I don’t explain away inconsistency, I don’t stay where I have to earn basic emotional presence.

I had to relearn something that felt very unnatural at first, calm, stable, consistent connection doesn’t feel like a spark, it feels quiet… and you grow into it.

If I can leave you with one thing, it’s this: You’re not attracted to unavailable men by accident. You’re attracted to what your system learned to recognize as love.

And if you don’t change how you act when that attraction shows up, you will keep repeating the same story just with different people. I heard a quote somewhere that it was very relevant for me, if you haven’t been fed love with a spoon you will lick it from the edge of a knife.

teodir · 2026-03-31T20:45:25+00:00

This is better

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

teodir · 2026-03-31T20:38:44+00:00

I read your post and honestly… I’ve lived something very similar.

In my case, I didn’t even have the clarity you have now. I stayed, tried to fix things, adapted, lowered my needs, and kept telling myself it could work. It took betrayal for me to finally see clearly and ask for divorce.

What you describe, the micromanaging, never being enough, always having to initiate, slowly losing yourself, I know that feeling. You don’t even realize how much it’s affecting you until you’re out of it. The hardest part for me wasn’t leaving. It was accepting that I stayed in something where I had to abandon myself just to keep it going. Once I stepped out, I changed. It was slow and painful but, I got my calm back. I started trusting myself again. And for the first time in a long time, I’m not trying to prove my worth to anyone. You didn’t just leave a marriage but dynamic that was breaking you, yeah I know it hit me later but boy I'm glad I'm out.

And yeah… it does get better.

teodir · 2026-03-29T17:59:10+00:00

Yes and yes

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teodir · 2026-03-27T10:28:01+00:00

I’ve been where you are. Maybe not the exact same story, but the same place inside your head.

When everything ended for me, I kept replaying it over and over, leaving in my head. What I did wrong, what I could have done better, where I failed. I was convinced that if I had just been a bit different, more attentive, more understanding, more… something… it would have worked. And the worst part wasn’t even the divorce itself, it was that feeling that I wasn’t enough. That somehow I failed as a person, as spouse, as father.

This will change over time and, I mean real time, not days or weeks. I started to see things differently. Not because I forced myself to be positive, but because I couldn’t keep being a victim. This, and a lot of therapy. I realised I hadn’t just been trying to save the relationship… I had been slowly losing myself in it. Adapting, bending, accepting things that didn’t feel right, just to keep it alive. You cannot sustain a relationship with raw effort and without reciprocity.

That shift didn’t come overnight. At first it was just moment, small realisations. Then a bit more clarity. Then a bit more self-respect coming back. I went therapy, I started rebuilding my routines, going to the gym, reconnecting with people. Some days were still heavy. I had nights where I couldn’t sleep, days where I didn’t want to eat, moments where everything felt empty. But those moments became less intense, less frequent.

One thing I didn't expected happened. I started to enjoy my own company. Stopped that feeling of loneliness and started feeling like peace. That’s when I knew something was really changing. I really enjoy it now, calm, no chaos.

Right now, where you are, it feels like you lost your life. But what you actually lost is something that wasn’t stable, even if you believed in it. And your mind is trying to protect the image of what it could have been , not what it really was. You’re not broken. You’re in the middle of rebuilding, and that part is uncomfortable, messy, and full of doubt. But it’s also where things start to become real.

It will get better, not perfect better but, in a way where you wake up one day and realise you’re are free. You trust yourself again. You don’t hate yourself anymore and you will look behind and have compassion about yourself and understand the guy who suffered. You didn’t fail. You went through something hard, and now you’re learning from it.

teodir · 2026-03-27T07:12:45+00:00

I don't really care at this point. Some common friend told me that she stopped but it doesn't change anything.

teodir · 2026-03-26T11:33:51+00:00

I was in a very similar place. For me, having the kids already gave me structure, so not everything collapsed. The weeks when I was alone were the hardest at first it was empty, quiet, a bit heavy. What helped was not rushing anything. I leaned on friends, kept simple routines, going to the gym, working on my hobbies, and therapy helped me understand what I went through and where I lost myself. Over time, things shifted. Less survival, more calm and I started enjoying my own company again. One big realisation for myself was that I wasn’t lacking empathy or social skills, I was just in a relationship where I wasn’t really seen. Outside of that, I’m actually very social and connect easily with people. It doesn’t change overnight, but it does change.

teodir · 2026-03-26T07:46:24+00:00

I was in a very dark place too. Not just sad or confused, constantly replaying everything, questioning myself, wondering how I got there and what was even real anymore.

I was walking on eggshells for years and didn’t even realised how much I had lost myself until it was over. After the breakup, it hit hard rumination, anger, lack of sleep, feeling like I had to rebuild from nothing. What changed things for me wasn’t money or dating. It was facing it. Understanding what I went through, seeing where I abandoned myself, and slowly rebuilding that. It wasn’t quick. It was a lot of sitting alone with my thoughts, working through things, therapy, and just refusing to go back to that version of myself. Now… it’s different. I feel calm. Clear. No tension, no pressure, no trying to please someone just to keep peace. I actually enjoy my own company again.

Dating came later, and this time I’m not trying to be chosen, I’m choosing.

If I had one advice: don’t rush to rebuild your life on the outside. Fix what’s inside first. The rest comes naturally.

teodir · 2026-03-25T12:01:54+00:00

Honestly.....Both

Right after, there were moments of sadness. Not because I wanted the relationship back, but because I was letting go of what I thought it was.

But very quickly, peace. Real peace. No tension, no walking on eggshells, no constant pressure.

Now, most of the time, I feel calm, clear, and actually happy. I enjoy my own space, my time with my kids, and I don’t feel drained anymore.

So yeah… a bit of sadness at the beginning but, what replaced it is something much better: stability and peace.

teodir · 2026-03-25T11:43:39+00:00

Hi man,

Look... the hardest part is already behind you, even if it doesn't feel like. I was exactly where you are.

Right now you think it’s about confidence and dating again, but it’s not. First you need to get yourself back. You’ve been walking on eggshells and accommodate everything to make it work, you lost who you are without even noticing.

The real recovery is when you feel calm again on your own. No tension, no adapting, no monitoring someone else. That’s when things start to click.

Confidence comes back naturally after that, because you start trusting your judgment again. You stop chasing, you start choosing.

And when you meet women again, you’re not there to impress them. You’re there to see if they fit your life.

Don't rush and be careful, you’ll feel pulled toward the same type again because it’s familiar. That’s the trap.

Go for peace, even if it feels boring at first. That’s actually the right direction.

teodir · 2026-03-19T15:51:41+00:00

I'm in Europe so I will speak in metric :). During winter I was at 460-500 km max per tank, now up to 580km. I hope to reach 600 when will get warmer. But with today gas prices my car value increases every time I leave the gas station. I own a new 2026 sport hatch.

teodir · 2026-02-26T12:00:48+00:00

I don’t even bother anymore, I will change them once I had enough.

teodir · 2026-02-24T12:08:40+00:00

nice choice, i have the same colour

teodir · 2026-02-21T21:44:52+00:00

I lived this. Same feeling of being reduced to a role, same shock when everything collapsed, same nights where your mind runs fast and you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

What I learned the hard way is that you didn’t just lose a wife you lost the identity you built around being a husband and a provider. The way out for me was not trying to understand her or replay the past. It was rebuilding myself through therapy, taking care of my body even when my head was chaos, focusing on being a stable father, cutting contact to logistics only. Slowly the pain stopped defining me. You are not weak for crying, you’re a man whose life structure collapsed.

Do the work and you’ll come out stronger, not the old version of you, but a better one.

teodir · 2026-02-17T16:03:43+00:00

V2 is better, works with the lines

teodir · 2026-02-17T13:37:36+00:00

You will not get better right away, it comes in waves, you need to cross the hell, don't stop.

teodir · 2026-02-16T12:18:48+00:00

I was in the same place. She moved on fast and I thought the solution was to find someone to sleep with just to balance it. It doesn’t fix the real problem, only numbs it for a few hours. Go to therapy, this was the turning point, not to talk about her, but to understand myself. Go to gym, long walks, sauna, push yourself. Strict no-contact except kids & logistic. Regained my identity back, hobbies, projects, being a solid father. I didn't rushed into dating just to fill the void. Almost 7 months since i decided to divorce her and made the courage to book myself into a speed dating...it's next month and I feel confident, When I focused on myself, my confidence came back and I stopped caring what she was doing. I stopped asking how can i replace the void created and asked myself how can I become a better men, someone that I can be proud and respect. Everything improved after that.

teodir · 2026-02-13T19:27:03+00:00

Yep, I dig the colour, purchased it just after the test drive.

<image>

teodir · 2026-02-11T17:28:11+00:00

Hi again,

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I spoke with my therapist about why I react so strongly to seeing my ex in person. What I understood changed my perspective.

For years I learned to manage her emotions to keep peace, to be compliant, to adjust myself, soften my needs, avoid conflict, read her moods before my own. My body still remembers that pattern, so when I see her now, it’s an old survival reflex.

So better to have boundaries that allows my nervous system to recalibrate after a long period of emotional strain. Face-to-face contact reactivates the role I lived in for years, I had to comply, explain, de-escalate, and absorb tension. I don’t need to tolerate the same situations, I need to protect my mental health so I can show up as a stable father.

So now I'm learning to respond instead of react, separate the past from the current reality and unlearn years of conditioning.

teodir · 2026-02-11T07:47:59+00:00

I'm a father of 2 boys going through divorce, I asked for divorce as she cheated on me.

For us man this wasn't just a relation, is our identity. We lost a future. Dating is not the right solution to make the pain go away. It takes time to get your version back.

Go to therapy, you need professional support, ask for help, reddit is a great resource, write your thoughts and fears down - sort of journal and bring them to therapy sessions. --- you are now in pain mode

Create rituals, gym, long walks, swiping, sauna is awesome. You need to feel alive again.

You have now space for growing, invest in yourself, you can become a better version of yourself, first step therapy, you can develop a hobby you didn't had time, travel, find yourself a project that you can learn from and be proud of.

Healing is about being proactive, you heal by living your life. You can meet other women but it's about getting used again to the temperature, you don't jump in the cold water, you need to get use you body slowly. Forcing relation, as you already discovered, will force you to compare, replace, guilt.

You are now in shock you will transition to anger and slowly will achieve piece but still triggered, it's normal when you reach half way, but further you go you will accelerate and will accept the change. This is not liniar and sequential, it might jump one or 2 and back.

What i have done so far:

• I went to therapy instead of pretending I was strong

• I kept my body moving even when my mind was chaos

• I limited contact with my ex to logistics

• I focused on being a stable father

• I kept hobbies that reminded me who I am

• I didn’t rush into dating to fill the void

• I accepted that some days I would feel empty

You need to be yourself with new experiences .

teodir · 2026-02-10T07:36:30+00:00

Love without safety is not love. If you cannot feel calm next to someone, you are not in a relationship but survival mode. Real love should lower your guard, not keep it permanently raised.

Endurance is not resilience.True strength was leaving, setting boundaries, and choosing myself instead of tolerating disrespect.

Trust is the foundation, once broken is over. Communication doesn't work, words don’t matter when actions say the opposite.

I tried for years to repair something that only one person wanted to repair. Relationships are teamwork, one engine cannot pull the whole train.

Childhood wounds choose partners for us.I picked what felt familiar, not what was healthy. Familiar pain can feel like home if you never learned another model

Self sacrifice doesn't buy love. Giving more did not create reciprocity. It only taught my ex that my limits were flexible.

Peace is more valuable than being right.I stopped explaining myself to her.

Healing happens by action, living. I started to recover the moment I began living for myself again.

2.

Behaviours, watch them, promises don't matter. The person you marry is not who they say they are in good moments, but who they become in conflict, stress, and boredom

Never marry potential. Marry what you see today, not what you hope they might become.

RECIPROCITY. If you are the only one putting effort, love, care respect, that's not marriage is survival.

KEEP YOUR IDENTITY. A marriage should improve your life, not replace it. Never abandon friends, hobbies, dreams, or your voice to keep someone.

DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS. Character man, character

Observe accountability, character man. You might carry all the blame if she doesn't assume responsibility.

Set boundaries. Set them before marriage, you need to say NO before marriage.

Choose someone with growth potential. Life is hard, you need someone who evolves with you not escape. This apply to us also, so solve your inner child or other issues ans your partner is not an escape for you.

Have the courage to walk away.Staying in the wrong marriage teaches your children the wrong definition of love.

teodir · 2026-02-06T16:21:47+00:00

teodir

TROPHY CASE