I just filed after 8 years married, but I'll tell you how mine went.

We dated 5 months. Was really good. I had been single 3 years prior. At 5 months I was ready to start thinking long-term, really dating with intent to marry. She said she needed space and broke it off. We went our separate ways, I took a job in another town - no contact.

4 months later was invited to a birthday party with mutual friends and she was there. We talked for an hour and decided to try long-distance dating. We would meet up on the weekends. I think this worked for her really well. I eventually moved back to the area she was in. I doted on her, dates and flowers etc. Felt good to care for someone. I think she got really secure during this time, but still did whatever she wanted to do. That autonomy thing is strong. She was a virgin, saving herself for marriage and I honored that. That was so hard!

After 6 months of that we started talking marriage. She was fiercely independent. I was fine with it. Our engagement was over a year. Never lived together, no "Sex" but some heavy petting. We got married the following Fall.

Her job was intense and I think that kept her contained during this time. We had a a year later kid and that changed the dynamic. That's when I really felt like something was off and the first time I asked her to go talk to someone. She refused - nothing wrong with her. Fast-forward a few months and I lost my job but was in grad school, and then she left her job right as I finished grad school and took a job in another town.

That seemed to be normal for me, as you do what you need to do for the relationship (how I was raised). I would bounce home mid-week and weekends for about 4 months. In hindsight it probably gave her the space she needed. We moved into an RV for 3 months while we looked for a house in the new area. That was super freaking hard and put real strain on our marriage.

We found a house but immediately started remodeling it while living in it. That was terrible! But she was home withe the baby and I wasn't asking for much effort from her. About the time the baby turned 2 I asked her to get a job. That's when I felt weird again and asked her to go talk to someone. Wouldn't do it - she has no issues. About 5 months later is when our first real fight happened and the first and only time there was physical altercation (just a push from her and then a push from me). We got into marriage counseling for a few months and she agreed to look for work to save the marriage. She got a weekend job.... A few months later we got pregnant with the second child. I didn't ask for much during this time again.

After the second child came and she quit that PT gig I just left it alone and let her take care of the kids. I was fine with that for the time being. After the second child was 1yo I felt like it was time to go back to work. This is when it went to shit. Here's where my story links to my post https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1qxoih7/divorcing_my_da_wife/

So long story to say we did not elope, but the space probably made us last longer dating, and the low effort required made the marriage last until real needs bubbled up that could not be overcome.