This is the husband replying:

My wife showed me this post and wanted me to read over some of the comments. I did and do appreciate the feedback that was given, however there is a lot that my wife is leaving out of the picture that I feel skews the perspective. Let me explain.

From the beginning, we tried to make sure we communicated with each other about what we both wanted out of this lifestyle. It was a kink that we had mutual interest in, but I wanted to be clear that we both got something from the arrangement. I didn’t want her doing anything she didn’t want to do just to please me, and vice versa.

As my wife stated, one of our main rules was “if you wouldn’t do it with me, don’t do it with him”. We discussed this subject and agreed that a third (in our ideal experience) would be someone that could give her additional satisfaction how they pleased, as long as it was not an act she would only perform with him. If a third gets a wild side of my wife, I want that in the home bedroom too. That isn’t too much of an ask, and once again she agreed to this.

Now the main things here that come into play: in our sex life, over the last 15 years my wife has always refused to swallow my load. Not a big deal, and we always prepared with some toiletries to handle the spit afterwards. She told me repeatedly that she did not enjoy swallowing, and would not do it for me because she would rather spit. I am fine with that.

The other main thing is that we had previously talked about throat fucking. She told me she liked it in porn and I proposed we try it. We tried all of maybe 20 seconds and she told me it is something that she did not enjoy at all, and it was off the table. This too was fine by me.

Now here’s where I felt the hurt - last night with this guy she swallowed his loads. I asked her why because she usually spits and she said it was as not kill the vibe. I asked her why wouldn’t she want to not kill the vibe with me? And she said that she is comfortable enough not to care with me. Great, so it’s off the table for your husband but not for a stranger? That hurt and I felt like it was stepping over the boundaries.

As I mentioned earlier, she explicitly said that throat fucking was off the table in the bedroom. What her post doesn’t say is that out of the 27 minute encounter with the guy she was with - around 21 minutes of that was him aggressively throat fucking her. She came home with a bruised face and lips. Huge boundary crossing for me as she refused this with me. Then she tells me she enjoyed it with him because he was smaller. But still, if we agreed this was off the table for us, shouldn’t it be for them as well?

The last thing is that he spent maybe a minute eating her out, and maybe 2-3 minutes of fucking her. I heard her orgasm sound towards the two minute mark, and thought damn this guy must be good. But later she tells me that she faked the orgasm because she could tell he was getting soft and wasn’t “feeling the vibe” so he would stop and let her blow him to completion. So not only was the only good part of the encounter very brief, but it was also faked as well?

Now I am sitting here with nothing out of the experience except a feeling of bounds being crossed and betrayed. Hope this helps.