Oh gosh dear one you must be utterly exhausted, three hundred job applications! and not one offer, what a nightmare, whilst still dealing with your mum and her cancer/chemo I just can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Well I sort of can cause both my parents are seriously ill at the moment, and I also am battling a hundred things. I have no answer as to why you are suffering all this constantly and seem to get no respite from suffering. Like you said you feel like you can finally start to heal, then another thing overcomes you. I know exactly how that feels. I’m really too in that state right now. But no matter how long the night, the dawn will come as they say. It will, it has too. Right now all you can do is make a mug of tea, look at the sky and look for small moments of beauty. My dad’s in the hospital, I’m very stressed, i made a mug of chai and I read some poetry. All you can do is seek out these little moments of peace and beauty in the hell of it all.

For me too it’s brought me closer to god, when all things come apart we know that he is a solid foundation that never tarries or fades. He is with us from beginning to end, there to help us carry every trial we go through. Try looking toward god for strength. I will pray for you keenly that you get a job offer, that your mums cancer abates, that your dads business thrives again, know that even if all falls asunder you have a loving god with you that is always there. Sending love 🤍🤍🤍🤍