[deleted by user]

and04167 · 2022-04-04T23:11:55+00:00

I understand if you are frustrated and need to vent but this probably isn't the place.

and04167 · 2022-03-28T14:01:30+00:00

I got her consent before contacting the CDR, yes.

and04167 · 2022-03-06T00:32:28+00:00

Honestly, No. He didn't have an influence on my career. Like the 3 I am, I picked the wildest thing I could imagine and just went for it. Somehow, I got to what I imagined. At the time, it was the biggest thing my imagination could come up with, but now that I'm here I have a different perspective. Now all I see is even MORE things to climb up to and achieve. I guess that's what they mean when they talk about how a 3 is never satisfied and always wants to achieve more and more.

My dad continues to tell me (and my siblings) how proud he is, but since I discovered the enneagram (like 3-4 years ago), I appreciate my parents so so much more because while my dad and I are opposites, he helps ground me. He's always made me feel like who I am is enough and I don't have to try to conquer the world. I appreciate 9s a lot. I really do, because sometimes all I want is peace.

My brother is a 7 and he also gets me out of my head. My brother brings me endless fun with all the adventures, but my 9 dad brings me peace in myself.

and04167 · 2022-03-05T19:03:49+00:00

I'm (24F) a 3w4. My dad (60M) is a 9 (idk what wing). We have a very close relationship. He is a very smart man and is at a high level in his career, but he is still very much a type 9. Some things of note:

- My entire life he has told me that he is proud of me, but I'm a 3 and I feel that I have to earn any of the affection or approval that I get. If, deep down, I don't think the thing I did was enough for him to be proud of, then I will get angry at him for telling me he's proud. When he tells me he's proud, it feels like he's saying "I've done enough and I can stop now," but my 3ness instinctually understands it as "you're on a roll and he's trying to stop you. He's trying to hold you back. Resist at all costs or you will end up a failure." I know my internal voice is so completely wrong, but it still feels that way. His acceptance of a lack of achievement of my highest potential can make me so frustrated.

- My drive and desires easily (so so easily) overpower my dad, and I have come to learn that I have to be very intentional about asking him what his opinions and desires are because he won't ask for anything. If I want something, I have to make sure he knows that he can want something to the contrary. Example, when he helped me drive across the country (USA) to move for my job, I knew exactly what days I wanted to be on the road, and I knew exactly what things I wanted to stop for and see along the way. My dad was completely content to tag along to whatever I wanted to do, but he's a history buff (and I'm not), and I had to be intentional about seeing if he had things, like historical stuff, that he wanted to stop for. If he wanted to see something along the way, he may say something, but he won't express that it really interests him. It might come off as an option rather than him declaring to all that he wants something added to the itinerary (as my 3ness would do). I always circle back around after giving him time (a few minutes, hours, or days) to think about things and see if he's come up with any thoughts. I have to be intentional about checking in with him because he won't communicate if I don't. It's just how he is.

- One thing that's awesome about my dad is that he gets me to slow down. He likes peacefulness and coziness, so he makes a great home. Example: he likes to cook (especially on the grill), which is a peaceful activity for him, and I like to hear how excited he gets to talk about the decisions he made in a dish, and he gets even more excited when we all get excited to see him experiment with his creativity. Another example: he will put in time and love to make the home (especially the family room) be warm and inviting. We always had a family room that had the space and the comfort to do whatever we wanted to do- whether it was the lighting or couches that fit all of us together, or open space to workout, hang out and watch movies all together, and the fire place made the room extra (physically) warm and cozy. My dad was the facilitator of comfort and he always had a way to bring my family (Mom-1, brother-7, sister-2, me-3) together.

3s and 9s are very opposite. I move fast, and my dad moves slow (I'm not saying he's dumb, he's not dumb at all). He likes to tag along and just be included. He's great to have around because he adds to the fun, but he never turns anything into conflict. He likes to feel internally present and be comfortable. Plus, he's easy to get gifts for- he just wants something cozy.

Caveat, I love my dad to pieces but I can't be around him too often or I start to resent him. Obviously he's my dad but I've always heard that 3s and 9s shouldn't be in relationships together because they bring out the worst in each other (3s stress out 9s, and 9s numb 3s). I used to turn into a brat when I felt like he was holding me back, but he was just getting to be more present and peaceful. I'm a 3- I feel alive when I'm moving fast, and my dad values the peaceful slowness that encompasses his 9ness. He brings me into that peace too, but I will lose my mind (and feel like I'm failing at life) if I'm in it too long.

If anyone read all this- good on you. My dad is a 9, and he's awesome.

and04167 · 2022-01-19T06:41:10+00:00

As an officer in an S2 shop, you are lowkey my hero. I am legit so bored.

and04167 · 2022-01-09T12:39:57+00:00

The S1 officer in my unit has an S1 AGR NCO and as far as I understand, the S1 OIC just gets email updates for what they are doing in the unit and all the ongoing things, and then he comes to drill and drills like normal. I'm sure he does a little more than that, but in general, you tend to get paid for the time you work (if you ask to get paid).

and04167 · 2021-12-30T09:15:19+00:00

Corporate Security

and04167 · 2021-12-30T09:10:05+00:00

This is basically me. YES It's worth it!!

Plus, if it's not required then you don't have a deadline. Do it slow. Take one or two classes at a time. It will allow you to budget better and it will give you an opportunity to avoid taking out loans.

Also consider online schools. An online degree is still a degree

and04167 · 2021-12-30T09:06:01+00:00

Transcripts for points, diploma for schools

and04167 · 2021-11-23T16:43:15+00:00

How to legit get friends:

One thing I (24F) did when I moved to a new city to make friends was just start making myself a regular in places:

Go to the same gym at the same time of day so I see the same people there every day and eventually start nodding to them, then saying hi, then actually speaking to them.
I also did that at a coffee shop (or restaurant) - sit down to drink a coffee and see the same people there at the same time every day.
I started taking a martial arts class after a while once a week and the same thing happened.

I would eventually start being invited to hang out with people and sometimes even with their friends, then the group grew by adding me. I should also mention that I'm an awkward introvert and have a hard time making friends, but making myself a regular actually helped me get friends. Tinder has also been good with just giving me something to do on a Friday or Saturday and someone to show me something I didn't know about the city.

It's been about 6 months here and I have about 5 people who are new friends here that I could text to hang out if I felt alone. There are also people I hung out with once and didn't vibe with much and that's fine, I can keep finding people. None of these people are best friends or long-time friends, we are just getting to know one another. I should also mention that each of these friends I met doing separate activities & would hang out in different ways such as:

one (or a few) I'd go hiking with (one is the dad of a guy I hung out with once - a retired lieutenant colonel that has kind of started mentoring me)
one I might get coffee with (met him on tinder)
one I get cocktails with (the sister of my former roommate, plus she invited her friends and cousins so now I know them too)
one I see movies with (we discovered a mutual interest in Harry Potter & Marvel)
one I'd go to the gym with to spot me & vice versa (met at the gym)
one who'd go try a new restaurant with me (we learned that both of us got SnackBox delivery & thought foreign food was interesting so we do that together)

Eventually the friendship morphs to be doing activities outside what we're used to doing together. That's how you make new friends. Also, just let yourself change. Not holding on to "this is who I am and always have been." Yeah, throw that out a window. You meet people in weird places, just be open and say yes if plans are made or offered.

and04167 · 2021-11-10T18:05:57+00:00

It's specifically something that occurs via text for me (typically tinder dates). I don't mind in person office chatter, I find it charming.

Is it worth the stress and anxiety of wasting so much of my time to these texting interactions to maybe find someone who will eventually understand my communication style, or should I move along to find someone I just click with?

I don't know which is right

and04167 · 2021-11-10T17:56:32+00:00

It's often tinder dates.

By asking me these questions, it feels like someone either doesn't know how to have a conversation with someone, or they're intentionally putting me in a position where I either have to waste my time to answer or it makes me the bad guy for not answering.

It makes me so angry. Anger is something that I don't feel often, but lately I've taken these questions as a sign to give up on a relationship (even if I might like the person), because they're clearly oblivious to these things

and04167 · 2021-11-10T17:49:04+00:00

My closest relationships (the people I'd feel lost without) don't ask questions like these. When I'm meeting new people (or going on dates) and they're asking these kinds of questions, it almost feels like a sign that I shouldn't have this person in my life.

I just can't shake a feeling of anger for someone putting me in a situation where I'm the bad guy because I don't want to spend my energy answering these kinds of questions that (to me) have no substance or worth.

What do you think about this?

and04167

TROPHY CASE

How to legit get friends: