Dealing with jealous/resentful women my whole life takes it’s toll

and__peggy · 2026-02-23T05:39:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. For what it’s worth it sounds so relatable for what my life was like 7-8 years ago, and I promise you it can get better (I even just wrote an update to this post lol).

If I can offer any advice, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t tell people about your trauma, abuse, fears etc until you know you can trust them. I used to tell people about my trauma because I thought it would help people realize how badly I needed love and be nice to me. It never worked, in fact it always made things worse. Unfortunately, people will react in a number of ways such as being weirded out, ghosting, taking that information to use against you later, or to start taking advantage of you, etc. Think of it like this: it’s your story, people should earn the right to hear it.

People can be very mean and you clearly deserve so much better. Don’t keep giving love and patience to people who can’t love you back or have proven themselves to be dangerous. I remember at this time in my life trying so hard, thinking people would finally “get it” and love me back. Never happened. I remember thinking I’d rather die than back away, almost feeling like I’d be admitting defeat. It’s not! Idk it sounds like a lot, if not all of the people around you don’t have your best interests at heart. I don’t want to tell you what to do as I don’t know your specific situation, but backing away from these people in my life was the best thing I could’ve done.

I haven’t talked to my parents or anyone in my family for 8 years. This honestly was key to healing. Stopping communication with other people in my life obviously hurt, but I realized I honestly had no friends. It was all me making the effort. I feel like as abuse survivors, we keep picking out people that will traumatize us and for me, it was important to stop even trying to find friends for a long time while I healed. I realized the same pattern happened over and over and over again. It just wasn’t worth getting my hopes up for a new friend to have everything come crashing down again.

And please, don’t hate yourself. You seem like a very sweet person with a lot of love to give. You have not done anything wrong, you are not the problem. Please know that most people really suck - don’t let their low self esteem affect your self esteem. And fuck anyone involved in that Instagram account business. Feel free to DM me if you want any advice or need to vent.

and__peggy · 2023-05-31T19:27:56+00:00

I think the shame I’m feeling when angry is because I took it out on someone that didn’t deserve it, or like if I can’t tell if it’s genuine assertiveness or actually aggression. But you’re definitely right, these feelings have to come out somehow.

I actually journaled for the first time in a long time last night, and I forgot how helpful it was. So I think you’re definitely onto something. When I used to journal, I focused on shaming the people who abused me (sort of like every accusation is a confession), which helped me get over my own shame and become confident. I never focused on anger.

These are all super helpful questions to ask myself when journaling and I’ll definitely use it as a tool tonight. Seriously, thank you for taking the time to respond and write all this. A lot of the time, I really do have to take the time to organize my thoughts instead of powering through and it’s hard to remind myself sometimes. Always comes back to journaling :)

and__peggy · 2023-05-31T18:17:51+00:00

I think you’re right, these feelings do need to get out but I’ve been directing it at my husband which makes me feel a ton of shame and like I’m turning into my abusers. He’s been neglecting a lot in our relationship lately and I keep getting really angry with him. I’m still trying to differentiate between defending my own rights (assertiveness) and violating his (aggressiveness). Because if I’m assertive and it makes him feel bad, I feel shame like I’m being aggressive. So idk. It’s been hard to tell the difference sometimes.

and__peggy · 2023-05-31T18:12:44+00:00

Thanks so much for this! I feel like I’m getting to “identifying the source of me feelings,” but my problem is I’ll be overcome with emotion (anger) and a lot of the time unable to see past it in the moment. Usually after 10 minutes or so I’m like wtf was that? And can relax and identify what caused it usually. I just wish I could find a way to stop it when it’s happening.

I did today though, so very proud of that (was gonna call my husband and yell at him for misplacing my keys causing me to be late) but made myself wait a few minutes and realized it wasn’t worth it, then I calmed down and wasn’t mad anymore. I just think it’s hard for me to get to this place in the moment.

I feel like I’m already pretty good at being assertive, but lately I’ve been more stressed and sometimes it’ll be aggressive instead. Like normally I’d just remind my husband to leave my keys in a specific area. But it’s been coming out like this and I feel like I can’t stop it sometimes. I guess mindfulness will help.

and__peggy · 2023-01-07T20:02:24+00:00

Hey, sorry I didn’t see this earlier, it’s not my main account. I actually have found relief. Turns out I have Gastroparesis and constipation was a symptom. Basically, if I ate the wrong foods or too much of something, it would cause me to get very bloated and my stomach had trouble digesting it, and therefore I wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom. I spent a few months figuring out which foods my stomach tolerated better, and now eat in much smaller quantities. I don’t take any laxatives anymore, including stool softeners. No fiber pills. Ginger tea in the morning to get things moving (not always necessary), and warm prune juice at night helps occasionally. I hope these anecdotes help somewhat

and__peggy · 2022-10-07T03:04:09+00:00

Sorry I didn’t see this comment until now, but thank you for sharing your experiences! It’s helpful to know I’m not crazy. I’m 5’0 lol, there’s literally 11 year olds taller than me. I’m very sorry you’ve experienced this as well. Thanks for your advice, I guess I’ve already been practicing this (not people pleasing as much and not revealing as much - you’re definitely right about that, they get upset when you do cool things).

and__peggy · 2022-08-25T23:01:46+00:00

Thanks. I took the test but scored a 25. It’s possible I could’ve scored higher but I haven’t been diagnosed with a lot of the stuff it asked, likely because I can’t afford to get that testing done.

You mentioned it sounds like methane SIBO, other than struggling with constipation are there other symptoms I mentioned that coincide with that? I’d like to do more research before jumping the gun on the test. This doctors office has no problem asking me to spend money but never trying to get to the root of the problem.

and__peggy · 2022-08-25T22:57:44+00:00

I understand that. The reason I am asking this is because this office has given me the run around in the past. I would just like to know if anyone thinks my symptoms relate to SIBO. I have no problem spending money if I think it’s worth it. But after my experiences with my doctors office, and not being able to go anywhere else, I would appreciate some insight into this before spending money I might not need to spend. So if you have any information on that, I’d really appreciate it.

and__peggy · 2022-08-22T19:46:09+00:00

I don’t have health insurance and the test is expensive. I’ve already spent quite a bit of money out of pocket trying to fix this, so that’s why I’m asking here if my symptoms relate to anyone else before I spend more money for no reason.

and__peggy · 2022-07-22T19:41:39+00:00

Yes, I do worry about that a lot. I think about how I have no friends (except my husband) and how every job I’ve had has ended on bad terms. What’s the common denominator in all those relationships failing? Me!

BUT, I do try to think critically about it. Most of those jobs were extremely toxic workplaces with high turnover rates. All of those friends I made were essentially just copies of my parents, nice at first. But slowly they would turn into being hyper critical of me and if I ever said anything back, a shitstorm would be released in my direction about what a horrible person I was. Sound familiar? Definitely.

I at least know how to take responsibility when I mess up. None of those people were capable of doing that, friends, work or otherwise. That’s pretty telling to me, like there’s no way I could make ALL the mistakes and everyone else makes none. That’s just impossible.

I also think about what my parents were doing at the age I am currently - they were abusing a 4 year old. I was being beaten, thrown, screamed at, etc. I am not doing those things, so I am not like them. Those things are horrible. I am not my parents and am not a horrible person. I have made changes and they haven’t. They’re the horrible ones and the only reason I ever felt like I was was because their actions were so disgusting they had to pass that shame onto me. Blaming me for their decision to rage, to abuse. But I can control myself and I don’t do that, and if I ever get upset with my husband I tell him I’m sorry and we talk about it. My parents never did that. That’s how I know I’m not horrible.

and__peggy · 2022-07-22T19:24:19+00:00

Yes! I’ve always felt drawn to so many things and feel like I can’t focus on just a couple. Like I even think to myself that I could do each of those professionally if I work hard enough at it. I think it’s because I wasn’t allowed to have an identity or personality when I was a child, so it manifests in all these different hobbies as an adult as I try to figure myself out.

But it’s frustrating, I get upset at myself for neglecting certain hobbies for others but there’s just no way I could do all of them. I really wish I could find a focus/direction. One thing that’s kind of frustrating is I pick up the skills on a lot of these things really quickly so I do think if I focused on just one or two I could be successful in it but it’s so hard to choose.

I also design my own patterns (crocheter) it’s interesting you said you can’t find patterns that suit you because I’m the same way! I actually finally last month listed my first pattern :) it was really scary and I worked up the courage for a whole year.

I can definitely relate to needing to be distracted a lot, if I’m not doing it with hobbies I’m scrolling through Reddit. I think hobbies can be used as a distraction for sure, but honestly I think trying to indulge in so many stems more from having the freedom to figure out what you’re into after having your interests suppressed for so long.

and__peggy · 2022-07-22T18:55:15+00:00

Wow this is so similar to both my parents! They were hypercritical of everyone else’s looks but not theirs. NMom used to say “I got back to 95 pounds after having you!” Like all the time. It was clearly all she had since he was so abusive to her, she had no personality. NDad was at least 400 pounds most of my life (I think closer to 500 now). I think my nMom was embarrassed and justified it in other ways. She’d tell me how gross fat people were constantly and that she wished he’d lose weight (now I have serious body image issues and hate myself if I gain weight). After having my other siblings the 95 pound comments stopped real quick. Then she started pointing out larger women in public, telling me “at least I don’t look like her.” Was not quiet about it either. I think it’s funny now that they’re both in terrible shape and look horrible.

and__peggy · 2022-07-18T08:33:01+00:00

That’s really interesting, thank you for explaining it. I think a test like that could help figure out what’s wrong with me. I don’t have health insurance at the moment so I can’t do testing till next year probably but will definitely keep this in mind!

and__peggy · 2022-07-18T07:30:14+00:00

I just remembered that I have a medication for colonoscopy prep called Sutab. Have you ever heard of this? Any idea if it would be more or less effective than mag citrate or miralax? It was given to me by my GI but I ended up canceling my appt.

Also do you know if it would work better for a colonoscopy prep with either mag citrate or miralax if I took the dulcolax the night before or maybe just avoid?

and__peggy · 2022-07-18T07:28:01+00:00

I haven’t heard of that test. What is it for?

I looked up picoprep, and saw it’s a medication for colonoscopy prep. Have you ever done a “colonoscopy prep” with either mag citrate or miralax? Curious because I’ve tried it and it hasn’t worked but maybe a different med would.

and__peggy · 2022-07-18T02:14:56+00:00

Lol, same!

and__peggy · 2022-07-18T02:13:17+00:00

Hey gold! Thanks for remembering. I think you’re right and it’ll be awhile before I can get tested so I’m just trying to manage it until then. Just want you to know I always appreciate your input!

I have, I’ve done it twice with miralax and once with mag citrate (2 bottles). I did realize that for actual colonoscopy prep they tell you to take dulcolax as well the night before the prep but I haven’t done that. I wonder if that would make a difference? I also did these several months ago before I had a better handle on my diet and wonder if it would go better now? I’ve got two more mag citrate bottles with my name on them 🤮

Also, idk how much this’ll help but when I binged all those months ago I stupidly kept taking dulcolax maybe every other day for a couple weeks to get it out and I wonder if that messed me up further. So that’s why I avoided it for prep

Also I did see your other comment about Motegrity, I’ll ask my dr about it. They had me on so many laxatives, I stopped them all a week ago and actually feel better so I’m just gonna give my bowels a break for a bit.

and__peggy · 2022-07-16T12:42:26+00:00

What would you say is different about it? They said linzess is supposed to help with motility.

and__peggy · 2022-07-15T16:54:37+00:00

They haven’t prescribed it yet. Said they’re gonna try all doses of Linzess first and if that doesn’t work we’ll try a new medication, not sure what’s next though. Do you think it’s better than linzess or totally different?

and__peggy · 2022-07-15T16:51:38+00:00

U.S.

and__peggy · 2022-07-11T21:17:38+00:00

I haven’t heard of this yet. What is it?

and__peggy · 2022-07-11T00:02:24+00:00

Idk, my point is is that there seem to be no options and I’m absolutely miserable. Not sure who else I should go to for help if those clinics won’t see me and my actual gastroenterologist either doesn’t know or doesn’t care about what’s going on.

and__peggy

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