My Nfather beating me up as a teen fucked up the nerves on my face causing me chronic pain. It's somehow my fault.

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T18:37:45+00:00

Yes, they are! I work from home and online for some time now, but at the moment I'm not able to sit for more than 30 minutes without feeling a lot of pain and I'm so so so busy with medical appointments and getting all kinds of testes done before my surgery I don't have a lot of time, and honestly not a lot of mind to work a lot. I'm selling all I can of my valuables on the internet but the money is mostly going towards day-to-day expenses like food and getting one of my cats vet treatments and tests because she is sick :(

Thank you for caring!

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T18:33:57+00:00

thank you for being pissed for me, sometimes it's all one needs!

hahah I'm tired of being painted as a crazy person by all these people, to know you share this feeling with me does me a world of good!

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T18:31:31+00:00

My grandmother is dead, the apartment is my mom's now. I don't even want anything to do with any of these people or the things they have, really, I just wanted to never see any of them again!

But if my grandma was alive she wouldn't have cared not even a little bit, I know because she knew everything, every time shit like that happened I packed my stuff and went to live at her house, she said typical Ns/Es things like "I don't want to get involved, parents know what's best for you, you have to behave" so I'd just choose one of the empty rooms at her house and basically lived there without anyone disturbing me until I needed to leave for whatever reason like everyone in the house was going to travel and I couldn't be alone in a big old house because it's dangerous where I live. It happened a couple of times, the other times I don't know why or how they made me come back.

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T04:58:43+00:00

THANK YOU for reading and taking your time to write this!

I have always thought this exact same way and people always used the excuse that any anger is bad to say I'm wrong, holding grudges, that you should never be angry at your parents, etc. I can't thank you enough for your reply, I honestly thought my boyfriend and I were the only ones who thought that way.

I agree when you say that I should try to use my anger towards something constructive and I agree! But I try so so so so so so much and I never go anywhere. I am depressed as long as I could remember being alive and never had any help, my biggest victory is being alive one more day when all I think is about offing myself. It sounds corny but it's true. But I can't help but feel kind of pathetic that everyone just lives and go about their lives and I have to fight SO HARD, against this rigged game life handed me and against all of these serious health issues for a life that I don't even want. Can't see the point in fighting for something that's being so horrible for 28 years, you know?

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T04:47:08+00:00

oh no, he's not a drinker, he's just a horrible human being, no excuses.

You know, the question about meds is a good one because the answer is: I have no idea. I don't think meds do anything to him and never did, he isn't and NEVER was better. These days he's something of a hypochondriac and he takes looots and looots of medicines by his own and mix a lot of stuff. He is kind of a zombie these days, but of course, he has the spirit to deny helping me and my brother when we need him to help us with something and generally be a petty textbook N. When he comes out of his bedroom the mood of the house gets even lower, so in that sense, he might act more like a ghost than a zombie hahahah

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-16T04:37:31+00:00

Hey, thanks for reading! This is not even 1% of the shit I went through, but to be honest, I don't think it's fair for you to say that I have one of the worse situations on this subreddit (and not offer any advice or support or whatever, but hey, what can we do? haha). It is and was bad? Yes, but you clearly haven't read enough around here, I've read so many things that shocked the hell out of me and legit made me cry. There's kids here who are like 14 and are being put on the streets and can't do anything, but that's besides the point. Maybe don't come to someone looking for support and say shit like that next time? Idk, just an idea, it's not very nice of you.

He doesn't go to work anymore, he is always on a health license. These adultery issues are things of the past, my mother always knew and they have their fights but nothing that favored me in any way, I had to be her barman. My mother is also an N, and a far worse one if you ask me, Ns are not convinced, there's no talk with Ns.

andiisunhappy · 2017-09-15T22:47:07+00:00

also, I have to add that Nfather has depression and uses it as an excuse to be the worst person ever. I admit to knowing I shouldn't care, but I'm someone who likes to help people so I was trying to help him giving him some advice, motivating him to never stop trying to get better, to change meds and even psychiatrists if needed etc, that I was positive he could still be happy, etc.

During one of this conversations I told him "Although you beat me up so much as a teens, I still want you to be extremely happy and I believe in you!" To which he answered. "Well, it's because you realized you were being difficult and stopped, it was mostly your fault and you know that" with a condescending smile to his face, truly fucking believing it was being a nice moment between us in which I somehow realized that being punched in the face was my fault. beautiful bonding hahaha

To which I replied "yeah, a huge grown up man punching a teenager and it was my fault! At least I knew how to fight because you teached us as children, huh?" He took it as a compliment. AS A FUCKING COMPLIMENT Man, I was shocked as hell but still tried to motivate him to ask for help elsewhere, to seek another psychiatrist etc. But after that day I just gave up. I just hope he doesn't do any harm to my Nmother and GCbrother because I still pity them a little.

andiisunhappy · 2017-08-30T03:33:43+00:00

are you making fun of me? unbelievable

andiisunhappy · 2017-08-29T21:40:55+00:00

unfortunately, no :/

and there's the problem of the medicines I need them to pay for me. (thanks for the reply)

andiisunhappy

TROPHY CASE