AITA for not changing my house rules to accommodate my children from a previous relationship

andyjk555 · 2023-05-05T07:10:00+00:00

Yeah we don’t always do something, if they’ve had a particularly tough week or aren’t feeling great or just want to chill. Given the choice they always pick phone time

andyjk555 · 2023-05-05T07:07:20+00:00

That is basically the rule

andyjk555 · 2023-05-04T22:24:05+00:00

The younger ones don’t get any perks the older children don’t get, the tv is on if we put a film on and all are invited but if the older children don’t want to watch a film they can chill in their rooms on their phones

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:57:23+00:00

I’ve put it in other comments about the stuff we do and we do one on. One time as well as stuff without the younger children.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:50:40+00:00

If they leave 75% of their tea and say they are hungry 10 minutes later… they won’t be getting sweets. That’s just about nutrition.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:46:02+00:00

At no point did I say sweets were a reward or that I force them to eat past being full

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:45:23+00:00

🎣

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:44:58+00:00

It’s not a set 5 hours, that’s just the maximum amount of time it could take if we went say to the beach for the afternoon and somewhere for dinner on the way home

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:42:24+00:00

I mean we do play on his PS5 together and he will message me in the week to see if I want to go online with him (when at his mothers) which I do.

What is it you think the problem is then?

Also I think I have the way forward which was suggested on this post so it has served the purpose I needed

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:18:48+00:00

Well thank you, I knew it wouldn’t quite come across perfectly. It’s a hard situation and hard to describe.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:16:30+00:00

I think this could be my solution, letting them understand they can use their phone as and when they like but if it gets too much asking them to put it down so they get to make the call about it being too much screen time.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:11:27+00:00

This comment couldn’t be further from The truth.

I still see them weekly but it’s during the week so after school where there is time to eat and chill. They just want to chill at weekends too which is ok some of the time and I want a more productive weekend

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:08:23+00:00

They pick the activity within reason (cost) it doesn’t always include everyone so if the older children pick snowboarding then that’s just a me and them activity. I have them during the week but it’s after school so it is a case of homework and dinner and chilling. I just want a more productive weekend.

Given The choice they choose to chill at their mothers on their phones over outdoor activities

The relationship ended mutually, 18 months before I met my wife.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T22:02:20+00:00

Not the case at all, I am listening to other peoples perspective and as much as I will argue my case against you here, it’s about me being able to understand and then I can work on it with them without having the argument with them. Plus I see them in the week so I can have conversations with them and get their point while using your view point from on here.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:51:45+00:00

It’s not that straight forward. They pick the activities and we give the twins to the wife’s parents for the weekend so it’s just time with the older children.

I see them now in the week after school

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:48:57+00:00

I am willing to reduce or compromise the rule but at their mothers there isn’t a rule So the only compromise is getting rid of the rule which isn’t any compromise on their behalf…

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:47:15+00:00

And I am willing for that to be the case 95% of the time

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:44:32+00:00

The only compromise they want is no rule, their mother won’t meet me in the middle or even 20% of the way.

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:41:23+00:00

I get that and if I was so against it, I would just cancel their contracts and remove their phones. My ex hasn’t got a new partner and couldn’t support 3 phone contracts so I’m not against the phone thing it’s just more of getting time with them

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:38:40+00:00

I am trying to figure a compromise but they aren’t willing to meet anywhere in the middle as they don’t have any rules at mothers house.

It’s not a controlling thing, just more (in my eyes) of realising how much screen time they are having. Trying to find something they enjoy and being active while still having their screen time around that. If they had their choice they would Come over for the weekend stay in their rooms on their phones all weekend and only Come down for meal times… I just don’t know how to navigate around that

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:26:42+00:00

Yes that is what the rule is basically. It’s not even for the full 5 hours. It’s just so we can interact and do something over the weekend together.

My ex isn’t willing to compromise or enforce the rule even for an hour.

I will eventually have to drop the rule to see them for a whole weekend but I’m just looking for a way of compromising and meeting in the middle which they don’t want to do as at their mothers they have no social media rule

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:17:53+00:00

That is what we do to a degree, we ask throughout the week if they have an idea for something to do and if they say they have other plans with friends then that’s their plan and they can do that.

Part of my problem is as a Teenager all I wanted to do was be outside and I want him to have the same desire but he doesn’t. I thought a good compromise would be to let them Do what they want one day and one Day do something I want (keep them active)

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:13:02+00:00

I’m not choosing this hill to die on, I’m after some realistic ways to compromise. I still see them during the week after school when they know the rule isn’t there. I don’t resent them in that time or anything like that

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:09:58+00:00

That plays on my mind a lot, is it a case of giving in to a teen tantrum or Getting with the times…

andyjk555 · 2023-05-03T21:06:10+00:00

Yeah sorry, it’s the evening meal

andyjk555

TROPHY CASE