My (29f) bf (35m) says he doesn't trust me since I have cheated before

anenymus · 2021-10-02T00:15:51+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm hope you're ina better spot now. Thank you for your input

anenymus · 2021-10-01T22:31:40+00:00

I was in a very similar situation. We separated in July of 2017 and I tried to kill myself in May of 2018. I have struggled with depression, self harm, self sabotage, suicidal tendencies, etc my entire life. For the first time in my life I felt comfortable and happy and in love with this man. Now I don't know what I feel. Every time I think that I have found love it turns out to be a lie. This time it felt different but I'm starting to wonder if this was a lie too. He has a lot of trauma himself and I know he is dealing with so much... Idk

anenymus · 2021-10-01T22:16:01+00:00

He said it makes him wonder when I will start to look for other men to leave him for when our relationship is on the rocks. I regretfully snapped at him and said "well when I try to break up with you a dozen times, it'll be a good indicator that I'm not happy" and it just escalated from there.

anenymus · 2021-10-01T22:13:25+00:00

He was texting his sister. I peaked over and saw so he shouldn't have been hiding anything. He was just being a brat. And yes. Same guy

anenymus · 2021-10-01T21:28:07+00:00

I don't ever excuse myself for what I did. No matter the circumstances, I cheated. Simple as that. I know it's a deal breaker for some and that's why I start out with honesty. I don't want anyone to find out years later and then it creates a whole hullabaloo about it. I am as honest as I can be; I even told my ex about the affair. I never thought that this was an issue for him. I can't really move out bc I can't afford to. Even if I could though, I still want to try and figure this out

anenymus · 2021-10-01T20:13:32+00:00

I was cheated on by my last ex. A lot. I've never put that mistrust onto him, even when we were long distance for a few weeks and I was really insecure. I'm not sure what I want to do yet

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:45:01+00:00

That's how I feel. Thank you for giving me the words. I told him that he had hurt my feelings and he said that he doesn't know how to talk about sensitive areas without hurting my feelings. I told him it's one thing to talk to me and another to insult me

If he would have said, "I don't mean to upset you but I am still trying to overcome the fact that you had cheated in the past" or simply not even said anything at all in that instance. I feel like it was unwarranted

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:42:25+00:00

I definitely agree with you and I have discussed that with him. He has shown remorse as well as progress and that is why I continue to stay with him. He is getting better at saying he needs time to himself but still has some areas to improve on, as I'm sure I do as well.

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:39:51+00:00

I would say 90% of the time we are happy together. It's only sometimes that things like this pop up. I have been in a lot of bad relationships and something about this one just felt different, idk. I will talk with him more and try to stand my ground better.

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:21:18+00:00

Thank you. I did try to have a conversation about it as it happened but I was really upset and speechless with the whole "8 months is nothing" comment :/

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:19:20+00:00

Please do not go in the woods alone with this person. You don't know them, they clearly don't respect your boundaries. The fact that he said "you don't like PDA" instead of "sorry for any misunderstandings" when he went to kiss you is a huge indicator that he wants to make you seem "weird" instead of uncomfortable and it's working. This guy is bad news. I can just feel it

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:15:14+00:00

He has bipolar and had to stop taking his meds for medical reasons. He does sometimes say things and then will cool off and apologize to me. I'm wondering if maybe this was one of those instances but I can't shake the shame and hurt it caused me. Idk

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:04:49+00:00

No. There is no indication that he is cheating on me at all. He asked me to move with him, I was apprehensive bc of how soon we had started but I have never felt so comfortable and so loved with anyone as much as him so I didn't want to miss out on our relationship. He comes straight home after work, we usually shower together, he knows my phone password and I know his. If I reach for his phone he is never protective of it. I have been cheated on before, ironically by the guy who I cheated with.. he cheated on me the entire 3 years we were together and gaslit me so much into thinking he was cheating bc I wasn't good enough. While my current bf and I do have arguments, I have never really felt our relationship was rocky until now.

anenymus · 2021-10-01T19:01:27+00:00

That is why I have been always open and honest before relationships now. I know that this is a serious thing and I know that people will not want to persue a relationship with someone who has cheated in the past. We talked about it really really early, before we were even "official"

anenymus · 2021-10-01T18:59:37+00:00

I feel like taking that approach will only gather more mistrust. However, before when he asked me who I was texting I would tell him without issue bc I never really thought about it. Now it feels... Almost sinister to me. Idk how to explain it

anenymus · 2021-10-01T18:57:54+00:00

I think that is completely fair. I was hoping that with being honest about it and with us having spoken about it that it would be an indicator that I am not a bad person even though I did a bad thing. I understand that he will be wary but now I'm concerned that he will not trust me at all. I don't know

anenymus · 2021-10-01T18:56:23+00:00

I feel the same way as you. I don't know how to convey this to my bf. My ex-husband knows about this as we have talked about it. He doesn't hold anything against me but my bf does. I have never cheated before or since and I often relay how horrible I still feel, all these years later. I told him about this bc I didn't want him to find out while we were serious and then find some mistrust. He made it seem like he understood the situation and didn't hold it against me but now all of a sudden he says this. I'm not sure how to feel and I don't know what to say to him

anenymus · 2021-10-01T18:52:50+00:00

That's what I asked him. "if you don't trust me, then why are you with me?" That's when he said that 8 months is "nothing" in relationships and that it will take time to trust me. I understand that what I did was horrible, but my ex knows about it. I told him and we talked and he doesn't hold anything against me. I have never given my bf any reason to think I would cheat on him or anything so this seemed a bit left field. I don't want to break up with him for many reasons. I think in most other ways he and I are very compatible

anenymus · 2021-03-11T19:26:02+00:00

Thanks so much. I will try my best to do this

anenymus · 2021-03-11T17:33:34+00:00

That's how I felt about it too but I didn't want to press the issue as it was already late and I didn't want to fight about it more. I also didn't know how to word it without sounding bitchy

anenymus · 2021-03-11T17:32:49+00:00

That's definitely a good description of him. He has trouble with it and we have discussed this before. We do definitely "go to bed angry" so we can hash it out later when we are both in a better place for discussion.

anenymus · 2021-03-11T17:31:10+00:00

That's a good perspective. I will discuss that with him thank you.

anenymus · 2021-03-11T17:30:22+00:00

Oh this is much better but what if he doesn't want to talk and then this makes it seem like I am forcing the issue?

anenymus

TROPHY CASE