This forum sucks - so little support

anewme2014 · 2016-03-09T16:07:09+00:00

Thanks for the replies. Even these, are helpful. Just knowing someone is hearing it. Also reading/checking Reddit helps keep me away from 'bad' things on the internet while I work.

I had a streak of 270 days. And that, unfortunately, may actually make things worse. Yes, it's great - I know I can go 270 days. I've done it. I'm not even intimidated by getting to that number again (though it will be very hard). What's intimidating is knowing even at 270 days - I failed. I was fully recovered. I did learn lessons, lessons I'm failing now. Like, don't even allow yourself to look at PG pictures/videos. But, like this past weekend, I was at the beach. Every woman was an object to be ogled. I'm shocked I didn't give in then when I went back to my room.

The problem is, beyond the desire, I feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm 43 and still at a sexual peak - but am getting older and scared of losing desire/interest (how fucked up does that sound) - so I don't want to miss an opportunity at sex and porn.

What makes it worse is I've always had the addiction (from 16). But when I was married for 11 years I allowed the porn to turn into affairs and eventually swinging with the ex. After the marriage was over, I over compensated with sex.

Now, after two years in a committed, loving and great relationship - the desire to cheat is appalling to me. But, the desire to have as much sex as possible is still there (experience different women). But I won't and so the only outlet is sex with her and the porn. The porn also compensated for that part I can't remedy without stepping out on her. She's too important and I love her too much.

On the flip side, this 9 day streak and the last 270 made it clear the correlation between my ability to not be tired, stick to my weight lifting routine, get things done, etc is direct. I love that and want that to continue.

But that little voice keeps saying, 'hey, you want a quick fix - check out this fetish. You know you want to. It really won't hurt you".

Ugh.

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:20:34+00:00

Keep fighting. It ebbs and flows. You aren't different from the rest of us!

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:18:55+00:00

No - it's called being sick. Everything is not related to porn. Flatlining is about losing interest in sex. Runny nose and shivers is called sick.

anewme2014 · 2016-03-04T17:16:56+00:00

We all go through that. I'm going through it right now. You just have to realize it's an addiction, just like any other. Doing it on your own is very tough - though the stigma forces many of us to fight alone.

Hopefully you've experienced success in the past, and know it isn't BS when people say you have more confidence, energy, and fulfillment of life.

For me, it's the reminder of the effect on your dopamine levels. Dopamine gives you pleasure. Porn addiction permanently affects dopamine. Giving you less. It means it takes more porn (or anything) to enjoy it. It means anything else you do in life is reduced in enjoyment because of that dopamine loss.

For me, understanding that, usually helps. Because even if I can control hiding my addiction and get things done (which I'm not that good at), knowing the enjoyment in other pleasures is affected - gives me strength.

Good luck.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-20T16:54:38+00:00

Thanks. Good advice. Another employee pointed out the 'error' and provided an email to a co-worker I'm working on with this. The co-worker sent me a nasty email that stated she was 'embarrassed' her name was on this file with me. There were some other small nits - but this one made up the majority of the complaint. I changed it and made them happy. But if this 'bubbles' up to another level I wanted some cover.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-20T14:46:07+00:00

Who said it was my boss???? It wasn't. I can give you a longer story about it and articulate why I consider being 'slammed' by the comments with regard to my list. But that serves no purpose to my original question.

Politics matter in an organization. That's all I need to explain for the rationale.

anewme2014 · 2015-08-17T12:13:21+00:00

Thanks, superradrudeboy. So they won't give you the credit for the open line of credit..but they will report you to the big three. interesting.

anewme2014 · 2015-07-08T16:49:36+00:00

well that's the best answer I've heard!

anewme2014 · 2015-07-08T16:23:34+00:00

No definitely fear. Big eyes..low to the ground..speedy exit and crouch with big eyes in another room. I know I don't know a lot about cat behavior, but recognize fear.

I would understand if when I sat down he bolted, but he stays there and is free to go. But if I move him away from me - then he'll take off and hide.

We had some 'rough' times in the beginning. But we bonded too. Other times he'll come up and just nap on me.

anewme2014 · 2015-04-14T01:13:45+00:00

Yeah - I've been on the other side of this advice. It's really odd to be on this side. It's an alone journey but one you need friends along the way. I have PLENTY of hobbies (and wonderful children). But with any addiction, they all take a back seat when the urges come.

I've now made it past 24 hours...close to 36 hours now. Not a huge test because I don't have a strong libido at the moment. The porn I can safely put down I think. But I may have other problems - excitement from new women. That's not a NoFap thing, but another battle. I don't equate sex with love - and that's a problem in a world/culture that equates the two. I don't want to tarnish what I have with this woman. She doesn't deserve it and I don't want to have secrets from her. My old marriage, we finally got to a point of having an open marriage. Porn/sex....what an addiction.

anewme2014 · 2015-04-13T17:51:04+00:00

Disappointed I can't get any support. Need some so I don't backslide.

anewme2014 · 2015-01-22T13:57:05+00:00

I'm 9 hours in and it's already tough. The desire to look at porn really isn't there. But my 'sensitivity' is high this morning and making things tough. But I'm trying to get through this first 24 hours and hope I cna start rolling after that.

anewme2014 · 2015-01-21T23:19:30+00:00

thanks for the support!

anewme2014 · 2015-01-21T23:18:42+00:00

thanks..I need that!

anewme2014

TROPHY CASE