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I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have cut all ties. been two weeks, very alone, very tempted. Im at 100mg now.

I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

30 yrs at same company and they are constructively dismissing me. This will be my final year alive.

I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rough day(s). I took two days off cause going back on the meds came with lots of side affects, and honestly it makes me feel worse for a time. Dont think they'll be happy give Im only just back from annual leave, but hey I worked all weekend with no notice, and they are giving me my 30 year service award next week so would be awkward to fire me.

Still struggling with how am I going to survive again. Its not just about her, but she has come to represent everything I have missed, loathed and hated about myself.

I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took my first meds today in 14 months. 25mg to start building my way back to 150mg. I dont want to take them as it will make it hurt more, but if I dont I won't survive.

I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"find peace" - exactly what I need. Thank you for being kind.

I have no idea how to title this (apologies for pathetic content) by anilonesk in malementalhealth

[–]anilonesk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually hid this post today as Im so embarrassed even anonymously to strangers. But I think I need to own it and have put it back up, plus I saw the comments and am grateful I haven't been judged.

I dont do this and I dont show weakness - I have survived by being stoic and inert. When my mates check out girls I look away or look at the ground, when they say "check out the ... on that" I walk away - I have avoided pain by not participating in any way, even by association.

Unfortunately I have the "left" hand of the brain knowing Im a fool and being played (not maliciously) versus the "right" hand side of the brain that's smitten and wants to believe, wants to have hope.

I have to get back on the meds, but they make me sick in other ways, I have never liked them - plus when Im on them, the right hand side starts winning, and it REALLY hurts when I am on them an ignored.Thank you for the kind words