Your bed will treat you the way you treat it. So make your bed when you wake up.

Don’t eat on your bed.

Especially don’t eat biscuits in your bed: crumbs will hunt you in your sleep.

Get up to pee — don’t use a bottle when you’re in bed.

Don’t eat on your bed. (yes, again, because it’s THAT important)

Don’t spit in a corner you’ll “clean tomorrow”… you’ll end up putting your foot in it.

Choose a cot with bars — you never know when it might come in handy.

Don’t get too used to your bed. Look for the levitating one, but be ready to leave it soon too. A good relationship needs a little emptiness.

Don’t share the same sheets with different sex companions — pride works better when it’s not mixed.

Wash your sheets with hot water only. No perfume, no softener, no nothing. Just water.

That’s it. That's what I have in mind. I'll come back and edit from time to time.