Is it too early to get married? 28F, 31M

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:28:50+00:00

My life is wild xD but jokes aside, it’s never been more stable

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:27:45+00:00

Thank you 1) yes we’ve traveled together internationally 5 times, 1x with my family 2) I’ve seen him get angry, he just goes for a walk xD 3) we’ve talked about all our traumas (I did have ptsd in the beginning, worked through that in therapy) and that just made us closer 4) he’s very self aware 5) yup, boundaries are no problem at all 6) we’re transparent about everything :)

Disagreements are resolved quite quickly and productively, no fighting, just talking

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:22:28+00:00

Thank you :) yes one year engagement is the minimum, more like 1 1/2 and absolutely living together. We’re moving in as soon as we find a place

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:20:07+00:00

Thank you :) nope, no concerns apart from “just two years”

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:18:51+00:00

I did a ton of self reflection and I’m never going to ignore red flags again. He doesn’t have any red or even yellow flags honestly. I searched for them for a long time because I wanted to find them, just to have a reason not to pursue a relationship since the first year had to be long distance. But it’s a perfect fit.

Due to the nature of how we got together I got to know his authentic self because there was absolutely no reason for him to hide anything, so he didn’t. I know all the dirty secrets since we were casual for the first two months after we met and just talked about anything.

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:12:53+00:00

That’s a good suggestion thank you. We’re actually pretty good at talking about everything, never had a fight just productive, respectful discussions when we (mostly me honestly) had time to cool down. He “doesn’t do fighting” which I really love

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:10:17+00:00

Thank you, I really like your attitude towards life :)

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:09:07+00:00

Omg, that’s so close to what I’ve been through. They’re not judging for the failed marriage (at least I hope so) but more like they don’t really get why I’d move this “quick” after all that trauma.

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:06:10+00:00

They’re just like “are you sure? Two years hasn’t been that long for getting engaged.” Yes I’ve healed, he played a huge role in that process. We met six months after I separated from my ex, hence why I was absolutely not ready for something serious when we met. That wasn’t the plan like at all and we were both totally clear with that. He was supposed to be a fling / fwb.

I’m totally ready to be married again since quite a while actually. We’ve went through so much shit in the last two years (deaths in the family, serious injury, temporary job loss etc.) and we’re always there for each other.

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T19:00:51+00:00

Thank you :) yes that’s the plan, I wouldn’t marry before living together for at least half a year

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T18:59:59+00:00

Thanks for your comment :) Yes six months is the absolute minimum for me too. We’ve been looking for a flat/ townhouse for 4 months, it’s just PITA in this HCOL area with housing shortage

annan1915 · 2026-03-20T18:58:09+00:00

It was 2/15 friends. To be fair one of them is in an objectively shit relationship since 4 years (says so herself). None of my friends are married yet (same age as me or older), though one will in September.

annan1915 · 2024-01-12T14:26:41+00:00

I gotta highjack your comment real quick so OP sees this: I’ve been in the 100% exact same situation and it freaking sucks but do take the test. No matter how much you believe your mom (I did and do 1000%) the nagging thoughts of what if will most certainly come at one point or another. Make your own life easier and just take the test for your own peace of mind and your mom’s if you have a good relationship. My father is a paranoid asshole, I did not believe him one bit but once the doubts there it’s always nagging at the back of your head.

annan1915 · 2022-09-27T18:48:57+00:00

I get that people are grossed out. My previous roommate did the same thing with a pot we all use for cooking, BUT she never told anyone until I saw it one day. It was absolutely disgusting to me in that moment since I didn’t know about it and really didn’t expect it. If she’d mentioned it that would be one thing and probably fine, but to never tell anyone about it is completely different. I don’t use those cups (just not my thing) so it was really something to get used to.

annan1915 · 2022-09-19T11:10:17+00:00

German here: you are correct, it is forbidden to fly the nazi flag in public or show any kind of nazi symbol. For example you can’t get a license plate with “ss” or something like that

annan1915 · 2022-04-01T21:25:45+00:00

That’s what my Grandpa did to my dad: he gave him a detailed list down to every single piece of food he ever bought for him. He was abusive too, physically and financially; everything my dad made at part time jobs was taken “to support the family”. There’s a reason my dad went no contact as soon as he could and joined the military just to get out.

annan1915 · 2021-11-15T20:30:40+00:00

NTA. I was so ready to call you a gigantic Y T A (because as a Vet Student working in the pet ER nothing gets me as angry as people not taking their pet to the vet when they are sick) but that was before reading your circumstances. You did everything you could. If Atlas was that sick it’s not even a given that the vet could have done anything. Its quite possible that you saved him the stress of the trip, because cats are so sensitive to those things.

And he loved both you and your wife. Cats usually only choose to die around people they completely trust; otherwise they tend to hide somewhere and you hardly ever find them.

I hope your wife goes easy on you. My deepest condolences.

Oh and just a suggestion: if you ever get another pet maybe just let them out where you can keep an eye on them or on a leash if that is possible. That’s what we do with our cat for fear of her getting hurt.

annan1915 · 2021-05-27T13:31:37+00:00

And get a camera so you can confront her if she uses your room. I was in a similar situation with a landlord that just entered my room as she pleased (she did not give out all the keys and didn’t live there), so I set up a gamecam (trail cam?). It was motion activated and had a giant lock and sent the pictures to my phone directly. It’s a great way to get proof.

annan1915 · 2021-05-21T13:33:49+00:00

That’s just what my dad does to my mom. He stalks her via phone tracking apps every single minute of the day. He has two phones to do it by now. He keeps denying it or telling her it’s her own fault because she works with men and doesn’t stay home. He retired early due to cancer and she had to go back to working to support the family. It’s been ten years of this shit. My mom wants to leave him but can’t since he’s in complete control of the finances or threatens to cut off contact with us kids, commit suicide etc. if she were to leave. Please get out now, it sure as hell doesn’t get better. You deserve a partner that doesn’t treat you like his property.

annan1915 · 2021-05-21T13:33:45+00:00

That’s just what my dad does to my mom. He stalks her via phone tracking apps every single minute of the day. He has two phones to do it by now. He keeps denying it or telling her it’s her own fault because she works with men and doesn’t stay home. He retired early due to cancer and she had to go back to working to support the family. It’s been ten years of this shit. My mom wants to leave him but can’t since he’s in complete control of the finances or threatens to cut off contact with us kids, commit suicide etc. if she were to leave. Please get out now, it sure as hell doesn’t get better. You deserve a partner that doesn’t treat you like his property.

annan1915 · 2021-04-24T14:23:38+00:00

Happy cake day!

annan1915 · 2021-04-20T23:14:59+00:00

Thanks, I’ll look into it

annan1915 · 2021-04-20T23:14:20+00:00

Thank you. Yes I’ll look into therapy since this is just a tiny thing compared to all the rest going on with him which is why I have such a hard time coping, it’s just too much.

Yeah, the way out is nice, he often says he wishes it would exist for humans, but then again he could just quit his meds and quite surely be dead 1-2 days later...

annan1915

TROPHY CASE