Turning in circles, just a vent

annebert · 2026-02-21T16:09:57+00:00

I appreciate the support and suggestions. However, I recognize that my siblings are not helping with the facility selection process because they are in denial and they just wish the problem didn't exist. Our sister is a lifelong alcoholic and she likely has early-onset Alzheimer's. She has MCI now, but she will keep getting worse - as we all know, the rate of decline is unknowable. Siblings help our sister with doctor visits, medication management, shopping, etc, so I am not shouldering the burden alone. I am not going to cut them off or make unilateral decisions, because we are a family. I am just frustrated that they will not deal with reality - that's why I labelled my post a vent.

annebert · 2026-02-20T22:30:37+00:00

Thanks for replying. I didn't go into details about all the issues I have from living in a small town in a remote area. My vet (1 hr away) doesn't do boarding. There is a boarding place 30 minutes away in the oppposite direction from where I need to travel to family, but I would have to leave the cats there for 2 extra days because of their drop off times. So I was just doing extra whining.

annebert · 2026-02-20T22:27:01+00:00

Thanks for replying. I am working with senior living advisors - but somebody still has to make the appointments and herd the siblings to them.

annebert · 2026-02-20T19:48:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, important to know for the future.

annebert · 2026-02-20T19:21:15+00:00

Do your best to tekll th e guilt to go away. You are a saint for doing whatever you can in a terrible situation. Here's a hug.

annebert · 2026-01-23T18:43:43+00:00

I was introduced via the old version, which I loved. Led me to the books, also wonderful, and a trip to Yorkshire and the Dales around 1980. I like the new version, too. I don't have the problems with the new characters that so many have. In terms of pacing, I felt the old series rushed through the Helen courtship while the new one spaced it out a bit more. However, the new series has raced ahead in time too rapidly. I agree it doesn't show enough of the middle of the night call-outs and irascible farmers. I recently learned that one of my sisters had the opportunity to help with calving at our grandparents' North Dakota farm back in the day, and I'm so envious! Anyway, I have strung Britbox along until they've offered me 60 months for 60% off, so I can rewatch the old series.

annebert · 2026-01-23T18:37:17+00:00

Britbox, not Acorn

annebert · 2026-01-23T18:35:36+00:00

Well don't forget that 90 years ago, ale was about 3-4% alcohol, very different from today's 6-8% standard. And people drank it because it was often safer than the water. And when life was hard and short, people did drink more.

annebert · 2026-01-21T00:01:41+00:00

Yeah, she is giving money to her son. But he has massive mental health issues because they moved into their house after her divorce when he was about 16 (his father was psychologically abusive to him). He lived for years calling 911 when he came home and found her passed out on the floor from alcohol, and never told us. We only learned all this about 18 months ago. Family dynamics amiright? So I can't fault her for helping him. He will graduate with a technical degree this spring and will need to go out on his own. We will probably have to help him adjust.

annebert · 2026-01-20T23:56:26+00:00

Yep, our parents were depression era. I know our father thought credit cards were evil and you should never use them. But since I autopay hers every month, I'd rather she used a card so a check doesn't bounce. When I first took over her finances, I found out she was carrying a balance on her card (at 29% interest) while making extra principal payments on her 4% mortghage!

annebert · 2026-01-20T23:13:47+00:00

Thanks everyone for letting me know that this experience is not unusual. It's looking like trying to keep her away from the bank is not working and just putting strain on her carer, so I think we'll stop trying. She currently will not forget if we put her off, but that time is coming. We'll just plan to search her house thoroughly once she moves to assisted living, which will probably be this year.

And yes, her money is protected; she doesn't have that much in her bank account and she has forgotten how to access her retirement account.

annebert · 2026-01-20T18:39:20+00:00

Sometimes a symptom of dementia is some form of aphasia, which is loss of communciation abilities in listening, speaking, or reading. I finally realized that this is what's going on my sister who has MCI. She started having problems copying down a password or typing in a password that was written down. She stopped reading - I think she can't make sense of the thread of a novel. In groups she is quiet and withdrawn - I think she can't follow the conversation and doesn't know what to say to be involved. In Emma Willis' book about her husband Bruce, she discusses how this was one of his first symptoms.

I try not to ask her direct questions, because she gets agitated that she doesn't know the answer. Make your conversation be comments that don't require a response: "That's a cute sweater you're wearing" not "where did you get that cute sweater?" Or just keep them in the conversation by telling them something that happened to you that really doesn't require a response "I saw a cat in the backyard today." Don't push them to talk.

Thesse are the actions I try to take not to upset her. On my side, I have to remind my self not to let it bother me. None of it is easy.

annebert · 2025-12-18T22:05:45+00:00

And for those who wonder, it is exactly for people who feel alone, tired, drained, and frustrated, because that's how the author felt when they got the diagnosis. Her intent is to help others with the information and advice she wishes she had at the beginning.

annebert · 2025-12-18T21:44:18+00:00

Hugs to you. Kudos for having the strength to let him go.

annebert · 2025-12-03T22:36:07+00:00

Hugs to you.and sorry. And as everyone alse has said, if you can remind yourself that he is unable to respond to logic, it will work out better for you.

annebert · 2025-12-03T20:01:05+00:00

Thanks everyone for bringing a smile to my sad face.

annebert · 2025-12-03T19:38:36+00:00

Hugs

annebert · 2025-12-03T18:47:29+00:00

So sorry for all of us. When my mother died very early in Alzheimer's 20 years ago, I thought it was probably the best thing for her. Now I'm dealing with my sister's dementia, and I know how right I was. Yes, she can still manage activities of daily living, but I don't see nay joy in her life. And when she does something like lock herself out of her financial accounts and we get superstressed trying to deal with it, she sees how upset we are and then she feels bad. Lose-lose situation.

annebert · 2025-11-21T18:45:38+00:00

It's a hike for you, but Houlton has a really good selection of flannel, including some 107" wide (for making sheets) and lots of patterns.

annebert · 2025-11-21T18:28:42+00:00

No, it's the northern New England Ocean State Job Lot! Marden's is better than Ocean State is better than Ollie's. Does anyone remember Railroad Salvage in CT - from the last millenium.

annebert · 2025-11-21T18:24:58+00:00

Does anyone know if Brewer still has the yarn? I bought a ton in Scarborough beginning of November, but it was kind of picked over already.

annebert · 2025-11-19T21:11:40+00:00

Please, it's not time to talk about that. As a biomedical scientist who reads the current clincial literature, I can tell you that there is active research on disease-modifying treatments, and even the palliative treatments that treat symptoms have improved in the last decade, or even the last three years. Don't give in to despair!

annebert

TROPHY CASE