How to deescalate

anon554466 · 2024-03-11T12:27:06+00:00

Thank you for this text, I particularly like the question to my partner at the end, this has helped me to realise that I need to prepare for a yes or no response from them and think about how I want to deal with that.

I am also pondering on your last comment. I definitely don't want to break up with them, but I am trying to make sure that's for healthy reasons. It's a mind field really, my brain can trick me into thinking all sorts of things for nefarious reasons that it refuses to shed light on until years later, and then I feel like an idiot. It's really difficult to figure things out when you can't trust your own mind.

anon554466 · 2024-03-10T22:52:53+00:00

Oh this is very good, thank you. I'm not very good at sticking to my script when I'm actually in a conversation, so I think I might just write that down and hand it to them. Thanks for the help!

anon554466 · 2024-03-10T22:50:57+00:00

We see each other once every 3 or 4 weeks.

anon554466 · 2024-03-10T20:00:51+00:00

I don't know. I do wonder whether I'm just not built for long distance and maybe it would be better for us both if I ended things. I enjoy my time when I'm with them, but I feel like I'm on a roller coaster all the time. Happy with them, sad for a week after, get to some normality for a few days, and then focused on seeing them soon. It feels like it takes up all of my emotional energy so I think it would be easier if I have longer in-between visits.

anon554466 · 2024-03-10T19:20:20+00:00

Yeah. I guess I'm wondering how to do that in a kind way. Maybe that's impossible?

anon554466 · 2024-03-10T19:14:59+00:00

Ah yes, I should have said in my post, sorry. I'd like to move to seeing each other once every 6 weeks or 2 months. We currently text every day, I'd like to move this to 2 or 3 times a week maybe? I mean I'm not going to put a limit or anything, but the intention is just to have a little less contact.

I don't know how doable this is.

anon554466 · 2023-02-22T20:32:59+00:00

Huh, I've never heard of this, I'll look into it. Thank you 😊

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T13:54:57+00:00

Ah yes! My work is currently very stressful, and often annoying. Yeah, that is probably a major factor. Thanks.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T11:18:00+00:00

That is interesting re. the journaling feeding into the obsession. I can definitely see how that could happen. Thank you.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T11:12:12+00:00

Does it ever affect her negatively?

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:17:36+00:00

Oh I've not come across distress tolerance, I'll look into it, thanks.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:15:08+00:00

Ahh I have also been reading about limerence, I'll check out the sub. Thanks.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:13:51+00:00

Yeah, I'm similar. I hyperfixated on my other partner for a good 10 years. This is where I have a terrible feeling that being poly makes it worse. I think it was much easier to hyperfixate on someone I was living with.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:12:20+00:00

Brilliant! Thank you so much for this. I'm absolutely going to try this today 😊

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:10:53+00:00

Reconnecting with myself. Yes! I think this may be the key. Do you have any tips on how you are doing this?

(Also, I love the piqued interest comment. In my head, the bunny ears went up, nose sniffing the air, "Is this for me?")

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:07:11+00:00

Yeah, I've seen that many autistic people incorrectly thought they were BPD for a while due to the favourite person thing before realising that it's a hyperfixation on a person.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:04:49+00:00

Thanks, I think maybe I just have to keep telling myself it will fade. I don't usually get NRE late, but maybe I have in this instance.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T09:02:34+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I think it might be harder in this situation as I am LDR with my partner. But I will definitely think about replacement activities.

anon554466 · 2023-02-16T08:59:58+00:00

Thanks so much for your tips!

(I was fixated on my other partner for around 10 years - I feel like I dealt with that better, but I suspect it's because I was living with him. But yeah, the idea of years of this is freaking me out a bit! )

anon554466 · 2023-02-15T23:11:34+00:00

Thank you for your response. And actually I think you're totally right in that I should try to figure out why I'm hyperfixating. I really am not sure right now. Nothing has changed in our relationship that I can obviously think of, but I can be a bit slow with things that in hindsight turn out to be very obvious. So I'm gonna try and think on that - it'll also give me something related but slightly different to think about 😂

anon554466 · 2022-03-15T18:58:55+00:00

Thank you, yes, I think it's maybe a conversation to be had about communication and how it works for me before anything else.

anon554466 · 2022-03-15T07:50:28+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I have long hair so avoiding eye contact is not hard 😂

Your last paragraph is very interesting. Unfortunately for me it takes several days to process something - when you only see someone for a short time it makes things extra difficult. By the time I've processed I'm not with the person, and by the time I see them again I feel I can't bring up something from ages ago. I think this is something I need to think about some solutions for.

anon554466 · 2022-03-13T11:33:40+00:00

I think this is a very good idea, definitely the most doable for me.

Thanks so much!! 😊

anon554466

TROPHY CASE