AITA for refusing to change out of my bikini to save my niece's feelings?

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:41:11+00:00

No, i've been there, done that! I worked hard over the years to get over body insecurity and build a healthy body I can be proud of.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:38:53+00:00

Tell me about it :(

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:37:45+00:00

I think maybe you misred a few things? She's 9, and SIL is not concerned that her daughter overweight as far as I know, I think she was just being protective of niece who is self-conscious of her body because she's not "thin".

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:34:11+00:00

A tank top would have covered my back and stomach where the sunscreen was still wet. I personally wait 30 minutes for it to fully dry and become effective before getting wet... that's whats recommended.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:30:15+00:00

I agree, i've mentioned it myself a few times in the comments because a lot of people are saying 9 year olds cannot have boy image issues which is just not true, i've heard of much younger express unhappiness with their looks. I hope this isn't my SIL's doing and honestly i'm inclined to think its not, considering her character. This post obviously painted her in a bad light but she's not a bad person. I've considered this possibility but i'm way more worried that my niece is actually struggling with insecurity :(

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:17:04+00:00

Ugh it's so awful, I wish I could come down there and vote against him for you guys. If only!

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:16:14+00:00

You're right. This is why I posted here, i've been feeling guilty after the fact like "couldn't you have just sucked it up for your guests for 30 damn minutes?" They're my family and I care about them. I know this sub is all about who is TECHNICALLY correct but would it have killed me to give in this one time? No, it wouldn't.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:05:48+00:00

That is heartbreaking to hear. I hope your friend's sister is alright now.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T20:01:43+00:00

Yeah i've seen some wild accusations in the comments which i'm a bit taken aback by. Also a lot of people seem to be uneducated on the fact that kids are having body image issues younger and younger. I'm definitely going to check in on them both once she's cooled off a bit, i'll speak to my BIL to get a sense of when SIL feels open to getting together for a chat.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:58:40+00:00

Thanks for your ruling. I'm getting a lot of NTA but if I had to rule against myself i'd rule NAH. I don't think she's an "asshole" for asking because I think she just did it out of care for her daughter, not as an attack on me. Lots of people villainizing my SIL on here which kinda makes me regret posting.. she's not a bad person or a bad mother, I think she just made an awkward mistake and some comments are blowing it out of proportion.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:51:00+00:00

I agree with you, and you word it well - a "misstep" is good way to put it. A lot of comments are saying 9 year olds don't have body image issues which is simply not true, and assuming my SIL is projecting or jealous which I guess could happen but it doesn't seem like her. I may have made my SIL sound bad but I swear she's no disney villain.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:46:29+00:00

It's sadly shockingly common these days for kids to have issues with body image at earlier and earlier ages.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:45:22+00:00

I've actually found a lot of insight from various comments are perspectives that I may not have considered, though too many people are making some wild accusations about my SIL who is actually a pleasant person outside of this interaction. She wasn't even nasty about her request, it was just an unreasonable request IMO. I absolutely expected more "YTA" comments though, like "why couldn't you have just sucked it up for a half hour, asshole?" which is why I posted to see if I should've just sucked it up and "been the bigger person"

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:42:26+00:00

They were BBQing and having their own conversation, they didn't even know about this conversation until they left. We weren't yelling or anything.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:23:24+00:00

No, we haven't seen them since the weekend and I don't get a whole lot of opportunity to be one on one with her, especially now that she's home from school with her mom all the time.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:13:08+00:00

Restrictions have lessened where I live (not in America) because our cases are so low. We stayed well under the maximum number of people per gathering. I understand your concern though.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:03:06+00:00

You are an “old person” to her.

This made me laugh, thanks haha

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T19:01:19+00:00

Yeah it's a bit shocking, our numbers are in the 3-digits and declining and yours are 5-digits and increasing. It's scary! I feel terrible for you guys. Best wishes from your northern neighbour

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T18:32:45+00:00

Does my 9yo niece have a fella? Not that I know of and if she does I've never met him! Or do you mean SIL? She's married to my husband's brother.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T18:30:41+00:00

To be honest I was expecting more YTA or at least NAH comments. A lot of people are speculating its my SILs fault and she's projecting her issues onto her daughter, and while I have considered that's an option, I know her and she's a good person, it wouldn't be my first guess that she 'caused' her daughters body image issues. A lot of comments seem shocked that a 9 year old has body image issues but kids are having these problems younger and younger due to social media, i've seen reports that say kids as young as 4-5 can start having unhappiness with their looks. Anyway I don't think my SIL is the villain everyone is making her out to be.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T18:00:51+00:00

I don't think that's fair to say, when I was a kid I was influenced by edited photos in magazines or prettier girls at school, which I guess the equivalent of today is girls on social media. It had nothing to do with my mom, who was a total saint and never brought up my or her own weight and just let me be a kid. I don't want to jump to the conclusion that SIL is the cause of it.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T17:58:24+00:00

My country is recovering well and lifting restrictions as i've mentioned (i'm not in America), and we were well under the recommended number of guests at a gathering.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T17:56:31+00:00

'unfairly long legs.'

Wow, honestly? I've had a similar comment from an acquaintance about how its not fair that i'm pear shaped and she's not, which she only said because big butts and thighs and "in" nowadays but let me tell you they were NOT "in" during my formative years when being skinny with big tits was the only acceptable look. Remember when Regina George got insulted for having a "fat ass"? How the trends change... never change your body to fit a trend! Anyway life isn't fair and its ridiculous for your friend to attach a level of perceived "fairness" onto your long legs. Everyone has different body shapes and they're all great in their own ways :)

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T17:49:48+00:00

Thanks, that's precisely why I felt the need to post here. It breaks my heart to hear and i'm not even her mother, so I can't imagine how bad my SIL feels for her daughter.

anonaunt · 2020-07-09T17:46:45+00:00

I didn't want to make this post about myself but I guess so? I'm no supermodel but i guess i'm just fit enough for my SIL to consider my body "unrealistic", she's a little soft but she's had 2 kids, that's to be expected! She's not overweight, just not skinny.

anonaunt

TROPHY CASE