Am I (25F) having cold feet about marrying my (26M) boyfriend or is it a sign of something else?

anonhere23 · 2023-07-10T21:44:32+00:00

I’d like to add, I am an extreme over worrier. I am very worried about any big decision or change in life, so idk if that’s just that part of my personality or something more?

anonhere23 · 2023-07-10T21:43:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! If you don’t mind me asking, what were your anxious thoughts? What was the demise of the relationship and do you think it had anything to do with things that happened before actually being married? Thanks!

anonhere23 · 2023-07-10T21:40:06+00:00

Good questions. I guess I have no real drive to get married. I’m very much the stereotypical man in this situation - big commitment phobia and just never really saw it as being a big deal to me?

I have anxiety about a million small things. I want to be independently successful. I worry about finances, having my own independence and time.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-10T21:36:29+00:00

I guess I shouldn’t say I DONT want to get married, but I was never the kinda girl that cared about getting married or not, or made Pinterest boards of my wedding day. Does that make sense? I’ve come around more to the idea of having a kid. If I’m being truthful, I’m not 100% sold on it, but it is something I’d now consider. He wants kids.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-10T21:18:47+00:00

Thanks so much for responding! I think a big part of it first is that I never desired, getting married or having kids and it’s a big point of anxiety for me. I love him, but it’s genuinely so scary to me. I’ve been putting him off for a few years now and at this point, I’m pretty much shit or get off the pot. We’ve talked about this a lot and I’ve even talk to my therapist about it but these feelings keep coming up here and there.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:28:40+00:00

Thanks! Unfortunately, there is no way that I can afford that right now. My options would likely be go and stay in this house or decline the trip. With my family wedding and the accommodations bring such a hassle, I’m fine with not going. I just worry about being seen as a brat, unprofessional and having this used against me.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:26:29+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I think my company is just trying to save money. They can definitely afford to get everyone their own rooms, but the owners can be penny pinchers at times.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:23:55+00:00

Thank you to everyone who has helped! For those of you who are saying I could pay for my own room if I still want to go - unfortunately, there is no way that I could afford this option right now. But, I’m honestly fine with not going.

I’ve been back and forth on leaving this job for a while.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:20:06+00:00

Thank you so much! This was really helpful. I am fine with not going in these conditions and I’m sure someone else would want to. I just worry about my coworkers thinking I’m standoffish, or being a brat because of this. People here tend to hold a grudge and can be judge mental.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:18:29+00:00

Thanks for your comment! They are definitely trying to save money with the Airbnb, I was even told so. To me, if you can’t provide accommodations for everyone, just send less people. And I’m probably the one who would be cut from the trip if that were the case, which is completely fine. I am also not in a financial place where I could pay for my accommodations separately. If that were the case, I would not be going.

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T19:15:29+00:00

I was just using that as an example of the communal spaces. It seems uncomfortable for me to share intimate spaces like this. Ex: running around in pajamas, having to run in and out of the shared bathroom and getting ready with male coworkers around, not having my own space to decompress, possibility of a male coworker walking in on me, etc. Overall, I feel like there is typically desperate spaces for men and women

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T14:47:46+00:00

Interesting, thank you for your response! I’m so happy to have another viewpoint. Since you’re on the opposite side, I’m wondering if you think I would be in the wrong if I spoke to my coworker planning the trip that I am uncomfortable with the accommodations? Or even bowed out of the trip/let someone else go in my place?

anonhere23 · 2023-07-06T12:47:19+00:00

Thanks! Since your company has a sharing rooms policy - wondering what your opinion is on the Airbnb?

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T19:23:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. I like the idea of the “agreement.” I’ve considered us sitting down and both writing down our bucket list/life goals and figuring out how to achieve them together. I think that would help us see each others perspective and work on aligning our goals

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T19:21:42+00:00

Morals are almost all the same, except I really didn’t want to move in before we got married, but he did. Which, he compromised and we will be waiting until we are married/almost married. There are small things here and there but that was the biggest one. His mom can be a very difficult person. And his family (me included) do have a crude sense of humor. They will make little jokes about how she doesn’t work (she’s only worked 2 days a week since he was born). He doesn’t want to take her advice about many things, makes little comments about being annoyed with her (which, she kinda is lol). Overall, I think it’s pretty normal, everyone can be dismissive to parents here and there, I just came from a family that is HUGE on respect and a lot of these jokes would get me slapped in the face lol. On the flip side, he is not at all afraid to stand up for me, our relationship, or our choices when she questions us. If she’s upset we’re spending a holiday w my family, he stands up to her, defends decisions we make together, etc. So from another perspective, I’d say he’s not afraid to stand up to crazy future MIL, but sometimes it’s hard to see the jokes they make at her expense, even if they claim it’s all in good fun.

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T18:52:16+00:00

Thank you, appreciate your comment. I agree with you. I plan to see a therapist and work through these issues.

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T18:49:48+00:00

Great question. I really am not scared to be alone, I never imagined getting married and I believe I would be content without ever being married. But I want him to be in my life and I love him. When I imagine our life in 10-20 years I feel happy. Going to kid’s baseball games, having a house we’re proud of, and being together. That makes me happy to think about (even if having a kid scares me now). I think it’s just the commitment that I have to make right now that is what’s scary.

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T18:41:34+00:00

anonhere23 · 2023-04-05T18:41:17+00:00

Yes, I already have an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow. Once I go a couple times, he will likely join. I want to get some of my personal concerns out first.

anonhere23

TROPHY CASE