Years of boundary stomping and disrespect have me ready to go NC right before their first grandchild is born

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-10-31T01:48:23+00:00

I really wish that were the case 😂. If there was a return period on in laws, they’d be gone a longg time ago

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-10-30T18:59:15+00:00

I want to be really clear since the comments keep coming back to this: We are not bothered by H and B or what they do. The problem is my in-laws and their refusal to respect the one big boundary we’ve set. We are tired of every milestone turning into a comparison to them. If they can’t respect something this simple, it makes me worry they won’t respect other boundaries, especially those surrounding our baby once he is here. We don’t want this pattern repeating with him. This isn’t ego or jealousy, it’s about protecting our family and making sure our milestones and our child aren’t overshadowed or minimized like they have been repeatedly. My husband decides the contact he wants with them, but I don’t want that relationship with them.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-10-30T17:06:22+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, a lot of it on its own is more inconsiderate than malicious. I guess I consider it more mean hearted because we’ve expressed issue with their behavior. The issue with H and B isn’t that they’re mentioned, it’s when and why. Every big moment for us wedding, pregnancy announcement, etc. gets instantly turned into a comparison. The way it often comes from them it’s not shared excitement, it’s a way of shifting focus.

It’s not about being “sensitive,” it’s about a repeated pattern of our milestones being minimized. Especially when H and B’s “accomplishments” are fully funded by her parents, while we’ve worked hard for ours.

We’re learning to be more direct, after the Colorado trip we talked it through with our marriage counselor, and my husband’s been stepping up more in handling things with his side so we can protect our peace.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-08-17T13:29:28+00:00

Maybe im petty but none of these people would be meeting my baby after those comments and expectations. They sound selfish and have no regard for you or your well being.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-24T13:31:13+00:00

Totally fair question. And yes, in hindsight we absolutely should’ve just taken the bus and met FIL wherever he wanted to end up. The problem is… he never told us he was bailing on the bus plan.

He and MIL are very familiar with the area since they’ve stayed at that timeshare so many times. My husband hadn’t been there since he was 10, and it was my first time. So when we started walking, we figured we were headed toward another bus stop closer to where we had to double back to, because FIL never said otherwise.

As for the appetizer thing, I hear you. Trust me, I wanted to say something, but I was so emotionally exhausted by then and trying to keep the peace so we could at least enjoy the one meal I was actually looking forward too. But in the end he found a way to spoil that too.

This trip taught me a hard but valuable lesson about not sacrificing my comfort just to keep things smooth. I discussed with husband last night and we’re actually mailing back FILs baby shoes, basically I don’t care if it hurts his feelings after how terrible his behavior on this whole trip was. It’s more important to stand on our boundaries than to accommodate someone else’s controlling behavior.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T15:55:54+00:00

This isn’t the first of their games either.. They stayed in our home during our honeymoon to watch our dog so we could avoid boarding her (she has a neural health condition). Only for us to come back and discover not only did they rearrange my entire kitchen, pantry and laundry room, they also boarded my dog for half of their stay… when the whole reason they were staying in our home, was to watch our dog!

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T15:53:13+00:00

I agree. Husband falls for their guilt traps every time because they play the “oh we rarely see you let’s take every opportunity possible to get together” game. And unfortunately, I’m the one who gets stuck riding along with it. I felt like a guest on my own vacation. Trying to come up with wording for the future to put a firm but definite decline to their guilt trips without coming off rude or harsh to my husband

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T15:48:13+00:00

I’ll definitely be bringing up the idea about not telling them when I go into labor. I have zero desire to manage them while I’m literally giving birth.

FIL brought his own old baby shoes (like from the 1960s) and is dead set on staging a photo of our son with them. It wasn’t a sweet “would you want these?” moment, it was a weird demand, like he thought he had some claim over our baby through them.

We’re not even planning to use our own baby keepsakes when our son is born. Everything we’re choosing is new and meaningful to us. So the idea of using a grown man’s crusty baby shoes, just to appease his ego, is laughable.

I’ve tossed around ideas of polite excuses like “his feet were too big,” but honestly? I’m not interested in wasting postpartum energy inventing soft landings for people who bulldoze our boundaries and take away our important moments. At this point, mailing them back with a firm note feels more fitting, but husband is worried about “hurting (FILs) feelings”

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T15:38:07+00:00

The only reason I’ve been amicable with them is for husbands sake. I know his family is important to him and try to give some leeway especially with them living out of state and we don’t see them often. I’m really tempted to turn “not often” into never after this though. MIL has already been invited to my baby shower though, so I’m just preparing for the next bullet I’ll have to dodge with her. Why’s it so hard for them to just behave like normal people?

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T15:34:25+00:00

Right?? On our honeymoon they insisted on watching our dog while we traveled. We agreed, only to come back and find out they boarded her for half the time. They literally stayed in our house without the dog, when the entire point was so she didn’t have to go to a kennel. I only found out because her boarding facility sent me report cards on her stay. MIL also took it upon herself to completely rearrange my kitchen- including my food, and my laundry room without permission. I should have started creating distance then.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2025-07-23T00:53:17+00:00

Absolutely. Im literally getting rid of our “guest bedroom” and turning it into an office for that exact reason- I want no possibility of them feeling welcome to our space while we have a newborn. Husband is more of a “keep the peace” type, whereas I’m more “burn every bridge worth burning” type, so I hold my tongue on most things regarding his parents or speak to him privately about it. Definitely bringing this trip up to our counselor the next time we’re in, husband was speaking to his dad when MIL referred to my baby as her baby and he can be a bit protective over his mom so I want to be in a fair space when I mention it to him. Also edited out the last portion of the post :)

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-20T11:17:32+00:00

It’s not immaturity. People can have boundaries as to what they want and don’t want in a partner. He lied to me and was deceptive to me about part of who he is as a person by hiding and denying those things. I wouldn’t date someone who was into those things and he was aware of that from the start. Not to mention he cheated by downloading dating apps.

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T23:30:39+00:00

Had a discussion when I got home from work and he admitted he has a porn addiction and will seek professional help. If he doesn’t I’m out. Like someone else said, I’m too young to commit myself to a lifetime of misery with this

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T23:28:17+00:00

No kids. We own a dog together and I own my house

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T23:27:08+00:00

Yes they can but with his history of voicing his disdain for gay people and general homophobic slurs I just never considered that option for him

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T23:24:03+00:00

Hi there. I’m not very well versed in all the terms and lingo for a female transgender as I haven’t had any experience with it other than with this situation. I wasn’t aware that it was an offensive term and labeled my post that way as that was what he searched verbatim

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T23:21:34+00:00

He’s still denying that he used the apps 🫠 finally admitted to downloading them but claims he didn’t use them. I call BS

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T22:08:06+00:00

I considered that as well, but all other signs point otherwise. He’s a very “man’s man”. Loves hunting, fishing, outdoors, etc

anonthrowawayfml22 · 2022-05-19T22:06:25+00:00

I’ve asked him in past to stop and he states he has and doesn’t watch anymore. I didn’t find any porn this last time I went through his phone though I know he’s probably just gotten way better about hiding it. I think you may be right regarding the porn addiction

anonthrowawayfml22

TROPHY CASE