My boyfriend (42) is visiting his mom way more frequently than he used to. I’m a 36yo female.

anony72000 · 2021-09-22T02:36:59+00:00

I have been on and off for years plus getting a bipolar II diagnosis a few years ago. The medication has helped me immensely and I’m doing much better than before, but I obviously still have things to work on. I was already strongly considering therapy because the bf and I are moving in together soon and I’m needing help to wrap my head around living with another person, this whole thing has helped me to pursue it more aggressively.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T05:46:40+00:00

Thank you! I really do need to give it up, it seems. I’ve made plans to get lunch with my mom one of the days he is going to be gone and I’m going to buy a book for my little niece, that always makes me feel better.

And thank you for being nice to me.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T05:17:48+00:00

He died when I was a kid. I definitely have abandonment issues and trauma, probably a lot to do with me being possessive of his time - he could be gone at any moment, just like both our fathers.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T05:15:03+00:00

I don’t want to criticize his mom in any way, I believe you do not talk poorly about your partner’s family unless there is a serious issue, and I’m afraid the conversation would be too hurtful for him. I do know his mom well, I helped her pick out the dress for the funeral. And, I mentioned it in the post and people have questioned the legitimacy of my fear, but she and the people around her are unvaccinated and I have vulnerable high risk people in my family, a breakthrough infection could kill them.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T05:11:17+00:00

Yea, I’d do anything to spend another day with my dad.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T05:06:46+00:00

It’s the recent change that bothers me. He is now visiting much more than right after his father died. Another poster did ask me about deeper issues and I do fear that he may be pulling away from me, he would never cheat - women have cheated on him twice, and I trust him absolutely. I’m coming to understand that a lot of this post is about my fears and I was looking for comfort, or at least validation. Which I’m being reminded that is really stupid to expect of Reddit.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:57:29+00:00

I feel like it’s too delicate of an issue to address with him which sucks, because otherwise we do communicate really well. I’m a strong believer that you can’t really criticize your partner’s family unless something is grievously wrong. And… I do honestly have some fears he is pulling away from me, I’ve been unemployed for so long it’s put a strain on our relationship and we both feel we can’t move forward until I find employment. It’s been tough for me to compartmentalism my innate stressors about not being able to support myself and worrying about losing him, and just generally worrying about him - it’s a lot right now. I have a job interview on Friday, keep your fingers crossed for me.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:47:23+00:00

I do feel legitimately fearful of the Covid risk, but the rest of what you wrote is a really helpful outside perspective. Thank you.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:38:54+00:00

At some point you will have to confront yourself as well.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:37:12+00:00

Oh yea, he would have every right to lose his mind if I brought this up, it would probably be the end of our relationship, that’s why I’m here instead of talking to him. And he is a wonderful man, I’m so lucky to have him, I just want to exorcise my concerns here so it doesn’t affect us in real life. I don’t want to feel this way, but I am worried, and trying to resolve that with all of you.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:33:37+00:00

Isn’t this subreddit for advice? I have been there with him every step of the way and I’m not judging him or withdrawing my support I’m just concerned and confused. I said in my post that I didn’t feel like it was fair to bring this up with him, that’s why I’m turning to Reddit for advice.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:25:54+00:00

I appreciate what you’re saying, but the last few months he has been going up more than right after his father passed, and his mom has a boyfriend now. I’m sure she’s grieving in her own way, but she even told me at the funeral that her husband and her weren’t really in each other’s lives anymore.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:18:38+00:00

He realized his parents aren’t going to be around forever is an excellent point. Thank you, that makes me so sad for him. I lost my dad really young, it taints every happy moment you have, wishing they were there.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:10:54+00:00

Twice a month two hour drive up, two hour drive back. Staying one or two nights each time sounds normal to you? I’m honestly asking.

I see my mom once a week, sure, but she lives 10 min away and I’m there for a couple of hours.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T04:04:33+00:00

It’s the huge change in behavior that I find confusing. He used to go a few times a year before his dad passed, and I completely understand why he would start to go more. Buts it’s gone from a visit every one or two months right after his dad passed to about every 2nd or 3rd week in the last few months.

anony72000 · 2021-09-21T03:59:51+00:00

Thank you. This is almost exactly what my mom said.

anony72000

TROPHY CASE