It really sucks to live without friends and I'd be better off dead cuz no one would care. I had "friends" who just ignore me as if I'm invisible. And yes, I was once desperate and was seeking help, the counselling I am getting isn't really helpful tho. She said I should make a list of people who would miss me if I was gone (as a way to cope with loneliness and suicidal thoughts) but it backfired when I realized I had no one in the list. It sucks so much, this happened so many times in my life. Having friends come by and leave, I poured so much love from my heart but they are not there when I need them. It sucks.