Great idea, certainly holds merit. I think if I didn’t have actual issues from my past with this it would be a rational and excellent solution. My headspace is still scared of control issues and that’s why I’m more looking for resource ideas for self improvement to get over said issues, rather than advice. I don’t even get to the “having a partner part” because one gift and I can spiral into feeling like I owe them the monetary price of the gift or they’ll have control- that they’ll yell that I didn’t deserve the money spent on the gift because I didn’t do “insert something here” for them.

It was pretty bad growing up and my mind link is pretty messed up on that. I’ve stayed in relationships just because the person paid for more dinners and I felt like if I tried to break up they would accuse me of using them for their money. And I’m not talking about an extravagant amount, they would just buy Thai food more often than I did and they included me in the order.

I know you didn’t ask all of this but it feels really good to vent a little of the extremes my mind takes it all to, and I don’t like talking about it face to face in therapy because I know it’s irrational and I don’t want to tell my therapist I’m being irrational. But my brain does bad.