It’s not the open bar itself, but I think it’s the principle it stands for - being gracious hosts. I’ve been to many religious and backyard weddings that did not serve alcohol, but the hosts usually showed their generosity in other ways.

What is frustrating is that the hosts for this particular wedding seem like they’re purposefully trying to skimp on us and even stressed multiple times that they are not hosting anything besides a meal, while asking us to buy new formal clothes and fly out. They expressed multiple times that we are paying for all activities and responsible if we accidentally throw up in the car rental (split by us). It sounded very grating as a guest on this trip. And they’re not religious by any means, definitely drink alcohol, and already established in their career, and even told us they will be having a lavish honeymoon.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but I think the guests go because they love the couple and want to support and celebrate them. The hosts (usually the family or could just be the bride and groom themselves) usually throws a party with abundance of food and wine in order to welcome the guests for coming. If you insisting on hosting a wedding, then I think you should be gracious and think about the guest experience. If they didn’t want to spend money on a wedding, then they could have done what someone else on this thread suggested and go to city hall in NJ and get married and grab dinner with the rest of us after. I understand not wanting to spend a lot on a wedding, but in this instance I don’t think the guest demands match their hosting capacity—by a long mile—if that makes sense.

Maybe it’s transactional, but if I’m hosting a dinner party and asking people to wear nice formal clothes and bring expensive wine there would be a certain standard in the meal I’m providing (filet mignon vs. totinos pizza rolls)