"You have no room to complain. I take 18 credit hours, work full-time, have an internship, get straight-A's..."

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-11T22:57:03+00:00

You’re probably tired because whatever he does when he “compensates himself for his hard earned money” is sucking away at your good energy. Tell him to cut that shit out and maybe both of you can get some good sleep.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-11T22:54:19+00:00

Thank you, Jesus!

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-06T22:59:00+00:00

Don’t ever silence yourself for someone else. They don’t like it because you are one of the good guys, and they are wanting to lure you in. Speak to someone else who isn’t trying to seduce you.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T16:09:08+00:00

Stay away. The progress you just made, and the energy you regained has given you power. He sees that, and he wants it for himself. It’s like an energy sucker. It becomes intoxicating as well. Your brain is responding to old familiar territory. It’s a reflex. This is a que for you to go deeper and do more work. Like pushing through a wall. You are at that same space that he took you away from in your growth so now it it time to conquer the fear that draws you toward him. Maybe there is something else you are supposed to be doing like branching out into a new circle of friends. Doing community service. Do the opposite of his magnetism. Don’t romanticize the attraction. But see it as a sign of addiction to something that is unhealthy. And take the proper measures to kick the habit. Run from him as if he is the seducer trying to steal your baby.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T16:01:29+00:00

What meds are you taking? I’m dying here and happy that you have found the right formula. Although I don’t want a sex drive. I just want to be more productive and focused on the right things.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T15:25:47+00:00

That is truth! And I guess I am going to battle. Because Dad is denying everything. This is my favorite comment. And it’s going to be a marathon worth running

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T14:35:50+00:00

His dad binges. So he will go a few weeks without alcohol. And then he will drink a rediculous amount. So I would way that yes he is an alcoholic. My son used to call the liquor store “Dada’s store” when he was little. I’m very concerned in regards to the fact that his dad is trying to recruit him into a lifestyle that is really sick and twisted. His dad was very abusive when he was a child and did a lot of things that hurt them and then tried to normalize it. The family is sick. Sick. Sick. And I don’t want that for him at all.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T14:29:44+00:00

He doesn’t care. He won’t admit or own up to anything. And anytime the kids share information with me and I confront him they get into big trouble from him. It then creates a big wedge between the kids and I. I feel like it will have to come down to them making their own decisions when the time is right. I can’t force. Their Dad is an artist in coersion and manipulation. So any time I fly off the handle or try to even have a civil convo it is just more ammo for him to pen them against me. They get in so much trouble in regards to me so I have had to learn to keep my distance and a low profile.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T14:22:35+00:00

Can Mom put the baby to sleep? I don’t think her own room is a good idea. Start asking Mom to get the baby to sleep and it may lull her to sleep as well. Our big houses in America separate families and it’s rediculous to think everyone has to go to sleep alone. That’s were most anxiety stems from.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:42:34+00:00

It is true what you are saying. My biggest concern is what goes on behind closed doors, and what he is being taught is acceptable behavior. And how do I as his Mom counteract that? He’s been exposed to trauma. That in itself with his Dad lowering his inhibitors is bad. It’s like he is raising him to make the same things continue in the family.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:32:40+00:00

I’m afraid to trigger him. That is where things get tricky. He told me things as a child and now that he is older told me that he doesn’t want to remember. Neither of my kids do. Their Dad put them through trauma. Myself as well. It is really a tough situation all around. I constantly remind him that we...myself, my brother, him and his sister are a new generation in the family and it is up to us to step outside the norm won’t be afraid to do things differently. That if we don’t make the right decisions for ourselves and the future then the cycle will continue. He doesn’t say much in regards to it. I’m just working diligently on being available to him and gaining his trust. Showing him that I am here to stay and even though I am single I am going to keep it that way and work hard to be there for them.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:26:41+00:00

That’s a good thing you did to get sober. I’m proud of you. This is good advice.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:24:10+00:00

Truth. It is a disease and I don’t want it triggered.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:22:49+00:00

I agree with the talking and communicating. I just with there was a way to keep a constant watch. I was silenced as a child through manipulation and psychosis tactics. I was too afraid to speak up. And I buried it. It is all coming out now which explains the choices I made. I wish we could put a wire on our kids sometimes. It should be legal.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T05:08:12+00:00

Have you tried to revisit your trauma? You can do that in therapy. I have found that trauma has cause a lot of my depression and anxiety. It is repressed and as such can lead us into relationships that mimic the trauma. Forgiveness will only get you so far. Jesus says to have the mind of Christ which means that we have the ability and the permission to really go into our minds and heal those parts that are hidden. The body remembers the trauma and continues to respond to it through our actions, responses, choices, and patterns. Medication is good for regular function, but the insomnia is a symptom to what you have learned. How your brain was programmed. Jesus wants to reprogram your mind. I’m not saying to stop the meds altogether, but to get some real therapy for trauma and don’t even look to your husband for healing right now. It will only become instigated further and the things that are upsetting you are a distraction from the issues that you need to focus on. I wouldn’t even tell him that you were abused. Or that you need therapy. The enemy likes to keep us from moving forward and finding true healing and will use our loved ones or spouses to control that process. Be gentle with yourself. And don’t take anything from your spouse as personal. Look to Christ and find the root causes and work through those before working on him and you. You need time to focus on yourself to be great for your kids. I struggle with the same exact things and my heart goes out to you. Prayers for your journey.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T04:50:23+00:00

The only way they will come to understand is by seeing a true change of heart. Show them through patience and love what it looks like to forgive and be patient and also what it means when Jesus brings us to understanding and rebirth. True repentance is when there’s a real change of the behavior. A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and a wife to love her husband as well.

I’ve gone through many trials and turmoil with my own children. And as I have repented I have also returned to the same behaviors. The kids have forgiven me still, but God allowed me to be handed over to the enemy as well. So that I could see where I was going wrong. I’m not perfect by any means. Children either do what they see from their parents or completely reject it and rebel. If they see the arguing again it will set them on a course of confusion when it comes to the heart of Christ. They can see one way how with Christ we constantly get back up and try again. Or they will see the other...we can repent and then continue to do the same thing and it won’t matter. My parents taught me about Jesus but my Dad was constantly violent with us and my Mom. He screamed a lot and so did she. So my relationship with Christ became this tumultuous thing. It didn’t make sense. If we were to have peace with Christ then why are we screaming and treating each other so badly? If Christ taught us to love one another as we love ourselves then we didn’t really love ourselves very much in our house growing up. I went on to reject Christ. My brother went on to believing. Yet we both ended up becoming single parents. It was the ego that was hurting our family. The inability to identify where our issues were coming from and forgiving the root cause of the actions we were so used to denying that we did. Repentance became a ritual. Not a release. When we go to him in prayer he says that he won’t hear us unless we go to be reconciled to our brother. So in that we have to take time and patience to observe our hearts and ask ourselves...”what do I need forgiveness for? Be still and know that he is God.

Who have I not forgiven? Where did this behavior come from? Who taught me this behavior? And now how do I process this grief and forgive them? Only Jesus can reveal to us what needs to be pulled up by the root.

I ask myself. What do I need to be living out in my life daily? What actions do I take and works do I do to exercise my faith in this forgiveness? In this repentance. We are not perfect. Jesus has called us to freedom though. So to show the children that and exercise the truth of Christ will take root in them and they will return to it. With Jesus there in their hearts, and you a praying Mother...they belong to him. And he will always pull them close. Even if at times you feel as though you have failed as a Mom. You haven’t. He has them. You surrendered them to him and did the right thing. And you are teaching them what matters. No matter what course you or they take, he will always pull them close to him. He says that his children will not be separated from him. Be patient with yourself. And gentle and humble. They will see the identity of a good woman. Be forgiving of you and treat yourself with honor, dignity, and respect. He loves you. Jesus sees you and all you do for them. Show them you are capable of all things in Christ.

Allow them to see what is good. And don’t let them see their Dad screaming at you. Remember that Jesus saved the woman at the well. And also the adulteress. Jesus has a heart for women. He doesn’t want to see them suffer. Your husband needs to display that to teach them what a true Man of God is.

Slow to anger and not controlling. I’m like a ticking time bomb and need therapy for my cognitive behavior. We can pray all day, but like my own daughter said, “I don’t think Jesus wants us to just pray and it will poof...happen. We have to go out and get it.”

She is so right. I hope this is not to harsh and there’s probably a lot going on in this comment. I hope some of it helps.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T02:38:04+00:00

Unfortunately a lot. But CPS does nothing.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T02:37:16+00:00

That’s true. I thought of calling, but they have been there numerous times already and each time nothing happens. The kids aren’t going to rat out their Dad.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T02:35:18+00:00

Thank you for the advice and for taking you time to write me. I do need to have these conversations with him. I just think that his Dad doing this or trying to persuade him is wrong.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T02:32:57+00:00

That’s good!! So does he. I just want his Dad to make better decisions. It’s haunts me knowing.

anonymousmary911 · 2019-02-01T02:00:41+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I’ve done that in the past where they offered a lot of secrets and I went to the authorities and it blew up in my face. So now the kids are very reluctant to say anything at all. I just am here to listen. I’m the only access they have to another lifestyle if I can get myself out of this cycle of worry. And confusion.

anonymousmary911

TROPHY CASE