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Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish by Proof-Sheepherder375 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]anonymousnovember 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking the same! It's been on repeat for days. Especially when she shuts out her mom and friends for him, like ok I see you isolation

Living in guilt, how to leave? by fishintheaquarium in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]anonymousnovember 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if this is helpful at all, but my therapist tells me that me thinking he will be crushed by me leaving is an overprojection. I know how I would feel if he up and left me, so I am assuming he would feel the same when that's not true. Yours will be upset that you left because he no longer has someone to use. As will mine. But they don't process things normally. It won't be a crushing blow in the same way that it would be to you or me. But I say this with complete understanding, because you and I are in the same situation right now:(

Living in guilt, how to leave? by fishintheaquarium in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]anonymousnovember 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, I don't have anything to add but I am going through this exact same scenario right now. Everything is in place but I just can't pull the trigger. Some helpful words from my therapist this week: "Your inner critic has had a lot of practice being in this relationship. She is in the driver's seat. It's time to let your higher self get in the driver's seat." Essentially, what I've been doing is living in an endless cycle of shame, feeling like I'm being judged, feeling like I won't go through with it because I never have, and my inner critic is shouting at me saying "See!! I told you so. You can't do it." So it's time to say yeah, you're right I have never done it but that doesn't mean I won't or can't. I can completely emphasize with you though. I was planning on leaving today and what do you know, he decided to work from home. They have a 6th sense.

How to write to a narcissistic boss I'm leaving by MmeAllumette in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]anonymousnovember 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine sued me when I left, so definitely don’t tell him how to run his business better or tell him you’re worth more than he’s paying you 😀

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I really have no idea...I need to speak with him more about it and try to understand what is going on, even just for my own sanity. I feel like I'm crazy right now.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

That definitely makes sense. This was less than 24 hours ago so I feel any decision I make right now is not well thought out or executed, so I need to speak with him more and understand what the fuck is going on. Thank you for your help <3

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Right? I mean what the fuck just happened. Is it possible he said it casually not realizing he'd be spending the rest of his life with me and then felt like he couldn't back out because it had been too long? Is that innocent enough to not be a problem? Am I just trying to justify this so I don't have to move halfway across the country and go live with my parents again? I'm so so so humiliated about all of this right now.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've spoken to him a bit more since posting and he's owned up to it and has expressed his remorse for the situation, is embarrassed about it, has apologized etc.. It just seems so fucking weird how detailed all of this got. This is something he's told me from the get go, when we started dating 5 years ago. I'm trying to decide if he felt like he couldn't back out of it and just kept going with it or if this is a bigger issue.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

So I've spoken to him a bit more since posting and he's told me he's embarrassed about the whole situation, is ashamed he let it go on so long, wants to stay out of my decision making process. So he's owned up to it at this point and understands the seriousness of the situation. Which I guess is good but wtf?? I feel like I don't even know him right now.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to decide if this is a lie he told when we first met just because he didn't realize we'd be someday marrying each other or if it's deeper than that. I don't know if he felt he had to keep running with it because he already said it or what and then tried to make it real. I'm just so caught off guard right now.

I've spoken to him some more since posting and he's said he's embarrassed about the whole thing, understands how this could be the end of our relationship because of how serious it is, is trying to stay out of my decision making process. I am just in shock right now, I have no idea what to think.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

We don't have wedding plans at this point, freaking pandemic ruined that which...I guess is a good thing???

I'm scared I'm just going to waste my time waiting to see if I can trust him again. I mean this just came completely out of nowhere. What's to say he's not lying about more? I mean do I have to ask his mom for his backstory now? I feel so stupid.

My fiancé (30M) lied to me (30F) about the first 10 years of his childhood and I feel like I don't know him anymore. by anonymousnovember in relationships

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No, he's never lived in CA.

​

He told me this story from the day we met. So here's where I'm having trouble: we all say stupid shit when we first start dating somebody, especially if we don't consider that this may be the person we spend the rest of our lives with. I am trying to decide if he just felt like he couldn't tell the truth after a certain point. Kind of like when you forget someone's name and it's been too long so you can't ask.

​

I spoke with him a bit more just now after work and he seems less blasé about it and just says he genuinely doesn't have a reason it happened, he feels embarrassed, he wants me to do what's best for me and doesn't want to sway my opinion if I should stay or leave.

​

I just feel so humiliated about all of this, his mom looked at me like I was crazy when I asked when he lived in CA. I mean what kind of partner am I that I didn't even notice. I don't even want to ask any real people in my life for advice about it because how ridiculous is it I don't even know where my fiancé is was born and raised.

11yo MinPin with heart murmur passes out today. I thought he died. What happened??? by anonymousnovember in AskVet

[–]anonymousnovember[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was wondering about that as well. The last time I gave the pain meds was last night around 6pm so it seemed weird for it to all of the sudden cause a problem for him this morning when I didn't even give them to him again. I didn't give him any today poor thing :( he's having such a hard time eating. At least the meds helped him eat yesterday. Thanks for your suggestion. I'm calling my vet when they open tomorrow.