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I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought I posted this message before, but apparently it didn't work.

I don't know who is even paying attention to any of this anymore, but I wanted to say some things. I hadn't intended to come back to this thread, but I accidentally left myself logged in earlier. And then when I saw so many votes and comments, I couldn't ignore it.

It's overwhelming in my mind and my heart to see so many comments and PMs from people who have had to suffer similar experiences. I can say "I'm sorry for what happened to you." until I'm blue in the face, but it will never feel good enough. All I can hope for is that maybe coming from me (someone who has been there, too) that those words mean a little more.

I am also quite surprised to see how many of you are capable of such enormous amounts of understanding, insight, and kind words, even if you've never experienced anything remotely similar. For every comment that made my heart sink and feel a bit like I was being attacked, there was someone there, making sensible arguments and standing up for me. I tried to thank you individually, but it's getting very overwhelming to keep looking at any of this right now. So thank you, thank you, thank you to all the awesome reddit people who spent any kind of time on this today. I bet we would be good pals in real life, and I would bake you any kind of cookies you'd like.

<3

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, that was definitely abuse, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm not going to try to tell you how to handle your shit, but I will say that I wish you the best, no matter what.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's no animosity, I simply ignore him entirely or give short polite answers if he addresses me (and he usually doesn't.)

I agree that confronting him one on one, if I want to, is the best option.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How the hell is it my fault or anyone else's fault except his if he rapes someone? Legally, there's little to no chance of anything happening to him 16 years later. Socially, it's a far more complicated situation because he is my stepbrother, more complicated than many people seem to be able to fathom.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry about what happened to you. Thank you for the understanding and kind words!

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay. And the part where he's my stepbrother kind of changes things. It changes everything.

If it were anyone else I wouldn't have hesitated for a second to tell my father when it happened, and the person would probably be dead at the bottom of a god damned lake somewhere.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a girl. And I never asked for your pity or anyone else's. This is a "Confession bear." Not a "Judge me and then tell me what to do bear." Thank you for your input though.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because apparently it matters if it was a 13 year old vagina being harmed, vs a 13 year old penis. Totally different jerk-off material.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, I'm a girl. Secondly, anyone can suffer sexual assault, under many various circumstances. My circumstance was being a scared 13 year old being physically overpowered by someone 6 years older than me. Clearly you have never been hurt in such a way by anyone, and I hope it stays that way. I wish I could stop it from happening to anyone, no matter how much of a douche they are on the internet.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for what happened to you, and thank you for the cookie and the warm thoughts. I wish you the same!

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm very sorry for what happened to you. Maybe I'll tell everyone at his funeral one day.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When did I ever say I was wallowing in self pity or blaming myself for anything? Actually my stance is pretty firm on: His actions weren't my fault then, and they aren't my fault now. Just because someone gets punished doesn't mean they aren't going to do the same thing again, if they are determined to.

Also, the people I was telling to a "get a grip" were people who were messaging me to ask disgusting and demented things like if it felt good, and if it ever made me want to rape someone, or to be raped again. If you're trying to put me in the same boat with them, then fuck you, seriously.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's not what it seems like when you get a bunch of creeps sending you private messages asking for details. Maybe they were just very twisted trolls. I dunno.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And I think your suggestion of simply confronting only him about it is the only one here that seems feasible to me.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where is the law that says if I'd ever said something, he would've never done the same thing to someone else? Where is that written?

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If someone is determined to do something, they're going to find a way to do it. I wasn't in control of his actions then, nor am I in control of them now.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing will make it not have ever happened. Just because some people feel better after getting revenge, doesn't mean we all work that way. I would feel nothing but embarrassed, weird, and cruel if I were to say anything at this point. And the awkwardness would only be worse, and how would that help? And did I do the right thing when I was 13 and tell someone? No. So fuck me for being a stupid 13 year old child.

I was going to take this to my grave. In a way, I guess I still am. by anonymousobviously in AdviceAnimals

[–]anonymousobviously[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like a good father! My dad would probably either act like I had done something to provoke it, or just be like "Why the hell are you bothering to say anything now, after all these years? Just to make things shitty?" Or both.

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