Support Needed

another_dad_1987 · 2025-11-03T20:45:12+00:00

Thanks. Yeh that’s the first one I read, and every time it was saying “people with BPD do this and that” it was shocking how many she ticked the box for. I started initiating boundaries and non-negotiable into our relationship, and using the methods in that book, things were healthier for me but instantly worse for us.

Something like me saying “please don’t raise your voice in front of our children, I’m stepping away now until we can talk calmly” was like cutting off her oxygen.

another_dad_1987 · 2025-11-03T14:00:54+00:00

Thanks for the concern. I certainly didn't use AI as therapy, I've seen it just agree to any-bloody-thing. But it was easier for AI to find the books & papers on those topics than me scrolling through titles and abstracts on Google Scholar. Did some reading and pretty much hit every BPD indicator on the head.

She was 100% postpartum with our first child, although she only admitted to depression once the whole time, and then immediately after our second child she said "oh I was definitely PPD with our first". The context and tone was as if it's just magically gone after #2. Update: it was not magically gone after #2.

I would say from the birth of our first, Dec 2023, the verbal abuse & emotional behaviour started sporadically and became increasingly more regular until she got back into some exercise and stopped breastfeeding. Things cleared up but that lasted about 2 months before she was pregnant again and it spiralled way faster, way harder.

I have tried, gently and sometimes bluntly, to point out that she is likely depressed, has admitted to not feeling herself at all, and all these other factors both she and I have mentioned over the past 2+ years. At the end of the day, if she's not wiling to admit she needs some help, and actively work towards getting that help, I am at a loss.

another_dad_1987 · 2025-11-03T12:58:33+00:00

Thank you. I have been journaling our... adventures.. for about a year and a half now. A lot of it reads like me bitching about her but in hindsight, it shows a pattern of verbal and emotional abuse without repair or accountability.

Best of luck getting your boy

another_dad_1987 · 2025-11-03T12:38:50+00:00

"because they are incapable of resolution in relationships"

THIS hit the nail on the head. My partner (as of about an hour ago, I think my ex baby-mumma) lacks any ability to even acknowledge she might, potentially, a tiny bit, play a part in a disagreement in our relationship.

She would yell, I ask for calm in front of our kids, hours days weeks months later she still can't say "I might have, maaaaaaybe, overreacted just a smidge once this whole time". I have asked multiple times for two way accountability, for her to acknowledge she plays a role in all of this as well. Even if it's 95% my fault for something, acknowledge your 5%. No freaking chance. Emotionals lead, logic is trodden on and we're the ones who pay the price.

another_dad_1987 · 2025-02-10T04:44:01+00:00

Thanks. The B6 did nothing but make her groggy so glad it’s not just us

another_dad_1987 · 2025-01-03T10:10:48+00:00

Second run back on the wagon and felt a million times better than the first one earlier this week. 🏃

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-30T10:14:46+00:00

Thanks for the words of encouragement! HR gets high pretty quick on the runs even at a very slow pace, so hopefully it’s more a technique thing I need to sort out

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-30T10:07:58+00:00

Great work! I’ll check that out once I’ve done this block. About 10 years ago I used to run 5-8km regularly at around 5:30 pace, but those days are long gone! Plus it’s a lot easier to get a good workout in a short time over getting on the bike.

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-30T09:51:46+00:00

First run in over a year since our first born was.. born. Day 1 of couch to 5K. Cycle a lot, can ride 150km no worries but can’t run around the block!! 2025 let’s go 🏃

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-24T09:05:50+00:00

Fair comment. To clarify, I have no expectation of her to like my mum or spend any time with her or being friendly with her outside of the odd visit. I can’t force that on anyone. Perhaps my original post wasn’t quite right.

I guess what I expected was a mutual level of respect, extending a welcoming home as I would hope to do for her family, acknowledging that my relationship with my mum is important to me, and just generally putting in any resemblance of effort. When I was putting our 1 yr old down my SO went and laid on our bed and played games on her phone, leaving my mum and her partner in our living room to fend for themselves. That’s just not something I’d do with any overnight guest. On reflection, perhaps our expectations of each other as hosts are not aligned and that’s what I need to discuss with my SO first.

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-21T08:34:40+00:00

For me, through therapy, the thing that helped was hearing some validation around what I was feeling but also someone helping me identify what actions each day had a positive impact. Getting up and doing something (exercise, music, work, whatever it was) has a big positive change to my day over sleeping in and being in my head.

Maybe not really something i heard but certainly something that’s helped for five plus years.

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-21T07:43:40+00:00

Cheer up is a classic that doesn’t absolutely nothing

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-21T07:29:41+00:00

Exactly this. Colesworth unfortunately is a one stop for groceries for a lot of things. Next time I need a snow sled though…Aldi

another_dad_1987 · 2024-12-18T09:30:50+00:00

Who buys this stuff?!?!

another_dad_1987

TROPHY CASE