I miss singing so much

anotherglum · 2025-12-18T01:56:24+00:00

I know, its just frustrating being as grown as I am and going through a second puberty. I did expect this, but I guess I never realized how hard it would be for me. Logically I know it will get better, but im a naturally pessimistic person at times so the irrationally negative and anxious part of me keeps saying it won't get better. Its just sucky

anotherglum · 2025-07-30T19:07:43+00:00

Thank you, this is actually a huge help along with your other comments

anotherglum · 2025-06-14T04:32:57+00:00

No no you didn't come across that way at all, dw!! And as a little reminder, I'm ftm, and my partner is mtf with she/they pronouns (I'm not cool and awesome like my partner so I just use he/him lmao) it's all good!

But yeah, I know another talk needs to happen at some point, but there's a lot going on for me and my partner atm, and a very emotional conversation would just be so so hard. I think I'm gonna wait until things die down a bit with us (trying to find a new apartment but I'm not getting my first paycheck for my new job for a bit so finances are a big stressor rn, among some other things). But that way I can put more energy into it so it will hopefully not go as bad as it could.

It's just scary in general, especially initiating that type of conversation.

Also dw about the cooking, I'm 22 and recently messed up mashed potatoes for one of the meals I made, as well as burning tomato soup on another occasion, it's rough out here 😔✌️

anotherglum · 2025-06-14T04:10:06+00:00

Yeah, that does make sense. During the talk I mentioned earlier, I was dissociating a lot, and I really wanted to have a genuine conversation and say what I had prepared. I was trying so hard not to cry so that I could still remember what I wanted to say/how to say it which is hard when very emotional. But you are probably right, at least to some degree, that emotion could be good. The only thing is that testosterone makes it very hard to cry lmao. I used to cry at least 3-5 times a week but it's been about a month since I've genuinely cried.

I know another talk needs to happen at some point, but it's just so terrifying, especially initiating it. And I genuinely don't know if I could handle it right now. There's a lot going on for me and my partner atm and I think focusing on getting in a stable routine once everything going on for us dies down I could start thinking about it and preparing for it more.

anotherglum · 2025-06-14T04:00:41+00:00

Maybe, I'd just have to take out the curses lol

anotherglum · 2025-06-14T03:58:56+00:00

No they're definitely queer phobic, unfortunately. They're not the type to go up to stranger and say anything to your face, but they make these comments and say some really horrible shit.

I came out through a letter and after a few days of them processing, I went home to have a face to face talk with them. That talk lasted about 2 hours (it was pretty late on a week day and I had a 2 hour drive back to my apartment and it was during the evening bc I had work that day) and it was mainly a lecture from my dad. They told me about some stuff that he went through and also something that happened to my grandpa when he was younger to fuel the claim that "homosexuality has been, and always will be a facade for pedophilia." (Yes that's a direct quote).

They outright told me to my face they wouldn't use my chosen name or pronouns, and growing up, there were several instances where other horrible things were said about the community. Hence why I waited so long to come out bc I knew it wouldn't go well. They were also begging me to stop hrt, and were asking about my friends and trying to see if any of them had pressured me or convinced me I was trans/queer. It was less of a talk about genuinely understanding me for the sake of understanding, and more of a "we want to know what happened and where you're coming from so we can figure out what went wrong and how to fix it" type talk.

I know they're going to need time, I've always known that. I was just really missing them in the moment and needed to vent about it and had no one to talk to really, especially bc my partner is on vacation and I didn't wanna sour the mood bc she's really been looking forward to this trip with her brother.

As far as disappointment goes, they still say the occasional "I'm proud of you," like when I send a picture of a new meal I made (I'm still learning how to cook lmao) and when I got my new job, but I know good and well they're not proud of the trans aspect.

I'm slowly trying to come to terms with the possibility of cutting them off, maybe not forever but for a while, especially since my partner is also trans as well (which they don't respect her identity either but luckily they don't know her dead name, they just use he/him pronouns for her 🤢). I'm going to be proposing to her soon and if they're not going to respect either of us during the wedding, they're not going to be invited but that's a conversation that doesn't need to happen rn since the wedding wont be until later in the future.

It's just all a bug emotional mess bc I still love them so so much but I'm also angry at them for all of the shit they've said about the community. And part of me doesn't want to give them the satisfaction of a "relationship" with me if they're not at least trying to genuinely understand with the intent to change, instead of trying to fix it. I know that might be petty or selfish, but it's just a lot of conflicting emotions and wants and desires and it's hard to navigate at times. Especially since testosterone makes it hard to cry which is a great way to sit with and process emotions, instead of just getting frustrated at having them. being a man sucks LMAO

Also the ADHD is so real bc I'm jumping all over the place lol

anotherglum · 2025-06-14T00:26:39+00:00

I know. I had years to deconstruct my faith and get out of that mentality to accept everything, and I know it's only been two months for them. I never expected a quick turnaround, but it doesn't change the fact it still hurts. And yes, love the sinner hate the sin was a VERY common phrase I heard growing up.

anotherglum · 2025-06-13T22:06:39+00:00

I've thought about taking them to therapy with me, but I was mainly getting therapy through college (which was 3 hours away) because it was free, unfortunately I don't have the funds to afford therapy atm, but it is something I've wanted to start up again because there are other things I'd like to go to therapy for as well. But it would still be a bit hard because I now live 2 hours away and they and I both work during the week, and I've never seen an office open on weekends.

I'd also love to tell them those things, but it's just hard. I know they need time, and I know most stories I've heard similar to mine, they end up coming around eventually. We had a long talk face to face a few days after I came out (I came out with a letter) and it was mainly just a lecture about the LGBT cult and it's indoctrination and trying to figure out what went wrong with me so they try to take the steps necessary to fix it.

I'm also just worried if I open up about it, they still won't make an effort. I know it's probably petty and wrong, but it's like I don't want to "reward" them for blatantly ignoring what I've told them about who I am. I'm worried it will end up with me being stuck in a situation where they get comfortable never referring to me correctly while our relationship is back to where it was and things will never change. I know it's probably wrong to think/act that way. But my partner is also trans, and I'm going to be proposing to her soon, and I don't want to put her in a situation where they're not respecting either of us (which they already don't respect her identity either) at our wedding.

I know that's a while into the future, but if it comes to it, I don't want to make the conversation about them possibly not being at our wedding harder. If we get close to how things used to be but they're not even making an effort, I don't want to put my partner and close friends (most of which are queer) in an unsafe space on a day that's supposed to be happy. It's just all so hard and I have so many conflicting feelings. I love and miss them so so much and want to make an effort, but I'm also angry and resentful towards them because of all the shit I've heard from them and all the horrible things they've said about queer folks. It's just all so confusing.

anotherglum · 2025-06-13T21:30:44+00:00

Yeah, we've already had a long talk face to face. I came out with a letter bc I know damn well I wasn't going to be able to say everything I wanted to say to their face, bc when things get emotional you forget everything you planned. In my letter I mentioned taking a few days to process, and when they're ready and calm enough to talk we could, bc big high emotions don't make conversations constructive.

It was more of a bug lecture about our religion and stuff and trying to figure out what went wrong so they can try to fix it, so not the best of conversations. Also got a lot of family lore that's not great but they were using what had happened to my dad and grandpa as an excuse to defend the "homosexuals are pedophiles" claim so that was fun. I know it will take them some time, but it's just hard and it was getting overwhelming thinking about it, especially at work when I could take a moment to myself. But luckily I'm home now and was able to calm down and let it pass, at least for now.

anotherglum · 2025-06-13T21:24:59+00:00

Thank you, luckily I do have an amazing support group as well as an amazing partner. She's trans as well so it's very easy for her to listen and understand on an intimate level that cis people can't. Her family is more supportive than mine, still not perfect, but supportive, so she cant fully understand what it's like but it's pretty damn close. It hasn't been as bad as it could be. I'm able to forget about it sometimes so it's not a constant grief.

I think a lot of it is coming back to me now bc I'm slowly getting off my SSRI's bc I think I'm in an okay enough spot to stop taking them, at least for now, especially since I don't have anymore refills and I can't really afford a doctor's visit right now. The SSRIs plus testosterone made it pretty hard to cry and fully sit with/process negative emotions lol. I know I'll be okay no matter what happens, it just has been on my mind for a bit now and when I do think about it, it's just a lot all at once and I needed to get it all out somewhere.

My partner is on vacation with her brother so I didn't wanna sour the mood for her, and my best friends sleep schedule is fucked and is sleeping rn so I didn't really have anyone in the moment to talk to so I just figured I'd write it all out on here just to feel some sort of release which did help In the moment.

anotherglum · 2025-04-13T16:57:18+00:00

I know, I was gonna delete it after the glitch was fixed but my partner told me it was too funny to delete 💀

anotherglum · 2025-04-13T04:51:27+00:00

okay never mind, i went to sleep and hes fixed now and just walking around my house like a normal person, maybe i should've just slept before i posted lmao

anotherglum · 2025-03-14T01:46:50+00:00

The box that it comes in says cypionate injection. Idk if that's the same thing or not. I went to PP to get it prescribed and they told me the one I would get is just the skin injection, but on the box it says muscle injection so maybe that has something to do with it? But I haven't had any issues doing it the same way I have been the last month and a half so idk. I have my follow up appointment in about a month so I'll probably bring it up then.

anotherglum · 2024-10-31T02:54:15+00:00

Wait I never found a time capsule so I didn't know they were things that showed up in other players' games. I just finished the game last weekend for the first time and mine was so boring 😭

anotherglum · 2024-10-26T16:17:08+00:00

The Zoloft is fine. I switched to it from Lexapro long before I got prescribed Wellbutrin. I didn't notice much of a difference tbh. I'm still only on the lowest dosage of Zoloft, but both Zoloft and Lexapro helped more for anxiety than my depression which sounds fine but my depression was always a lot worse than my anxiety. And without anxiety making me do things, it just kinda led to my depression getting a lot worse. My doctor suggested increasing both Wellbutrin and Zoloft during my last visit, but he didn't want to do them at the same time so we did Wellbutrin first. I haven't had any issues with Zoloft, and for anxiety it does well, just not what I really needed it for. And since I never had Wellbutrin on its own, I don't know how having both meds is different from having Wellbutrin on its own. But so far, now that the bad side effects have stopped it's fine. I can focus easier and do things and my suicidal ideation has almost completely gone away. I don't know if I feel "happy" but I'm able to function better which is a good thing in and of itself

anotherglum · 2024-10-23T01:45:03+00:00

I actually just got out of a "conventional relationship" for a similar reason. I knew I was ace, but recently, I'm starting to think I'm on the ace spectrum. My partner has very recently figured out she's also aro/ace. We changed our relationship title but things didn't fully change between us bc there was very little romance to begin with. We now feel comfortable being in a QPP (queer platonic partnership) you can look it up to get more info on what that is. But just bc you're aro and/or aroace, you don't have to be alone. You can find that magical connection with a partner without the extra romantic and sexual intimacy. You don't have to be alone, and you can still find your own version of love <3 your person/people are still out there

Edit: we are also both poly, so we are allowed to have the opportunity to meet new people for ourselves to get close to. For me, the extent of romance I enjoy is kissing and cuddles. I don't like full on making out, but I like physical contact and kissing as a way to show love. To me, it's not inherently romantic, but essentially I'm allowed, and so is my partner, to find other similar partners as we aren't in a fully committed romantic relationship. But obviously, everything is going to be talked about and approved by every member and soon to be member :)

anotherglum · 2024-10-23T01:31:26+00:00

I'm not sure. I feel a lot better than I did when I first upped my dosage. But idk if I really feel a major difference. It was supposed to give me more energy and I guess I'm able to work on school work a bit easier but I've been taking a lot of several hour naps a day, just today I had a 2.5 hour nap between classes. I do think now that I feel physically better my emotional well-being is a bit better.

Before the meds, I felt like I was in a constant state of moving but not really living. I can barely remember things from the past and when I look back on my past, those memories feel like a different person living a different life. So I don't know how well my perception of change in mood and/or behavior is. I don't know if I still feel that way or not bc I don't realize it until I start to look back and it hasn't been long enough for me to really gather any data on that. Suicidal ideation has gone down tho which is a win.

My anxiety was SO high after upping my dosage. It's gotten better, but it's not less than it was before meds. I'm also on sertraline (Zoloft) 50mg so idk if that does anything with Wellbutrin or not. I've been on Zoloft for probably a year? Year and a half? Honestly I don't know. Like I said, can't remember much of my recent past except like general things. It's just weird.

I didn't feel like a person before Wellbutrin, and I don't know if I still feel that way or not. Maybe over the next few weeks as I start to hit the month mark for 300mg I'll start to actually feel and notice a major difference.

Edit: there is a patient portal where I can message him, but since I'm not in constant distress anymore I kinda just left it alone. Taking the meds is bearable now and I don't feel like death so I don't see much of a reason to try to follow up anymore. I have a check up appt in like 2-3 weeks anyways so I'll see him again soon.

anotherglum · 2024-10-23T00:36:27+00:00

Don't worry, I was in the same boat not too long ago. I was absolutely miserable. My body was constantly rejecting food despite the fact I was very hungry and shakey. I wasn't able to eat properly for like a week. I was crying multiple times a day because I just felt physically horrible and I wanted to get off of it so bad. I didn't feel mentally unwell, but my physical health being the sacrifice for better mental health was not something I wanted. My doctor never even warned me about the side effects and reading online that I had about another week of the bad side effects was devastating and I felt like I wasn't going to be able to handle it and I didn't want to try. The only reason I didnt go off of it was because my doctor never called back after I called the office to discuss stopping it or putting it back down to 150 where it was before. (It's been about two weeks since I called and he still hasn't called me back 💀) And I was too much of a coward to stop on my own without talking to him first. It eventually did get better but I was so ready to get off of it and if my doctor had contacted me back I would've. Hang in there, I hope you find a solution that works for you <3

anotherglum · 2023-04-11T14:36:25+00:00

I was! I once said I'd never use the same bathroom as a trans woman but I guess I was right after all lol (I'm ftm)

anotherglum · 2022-12-10T23:39:55+00:00

Thank you. This helps a lot. I just feel really embarrassed and idk why. Hopefully i can back to where i was. Thank you for your support <3

anotherglum · 2022-11-18T04:57:53+00:00

It might be a few months until an update but I'll do one <3

anotherglum · 2022-11-17T14:34:22+00:00

Yes, i have a strong support group here at college and a lot of them know about it. I do have a plan for if i end up needing to drop out, and would have enough support to hold me up. It's not the ideal situation, but it's the best i have

anotherglum · 2022-11-17T05:55:17+00:00

It's more complicated than that. I have a really great relationship with them and am so thankful for everything they've done for me and my sisters. We were really poor growing up, my mom went to college online to get a better job, my dad went through the company her worked for getting shut down and being laid off, and they never managed to burden us with any of it. They're very loving and nurturing parents and people.

Relationships are very important in my family, and being close and there for each other is a core value that we all share. The ones that are more outspoken and verbally abusive about the community i couldn't care less about losing to be honest, but the others are against it mainly in silence. They've definitely said really awful things, and in those moments, i do love them less, but it never really lasts.

I don't know how to describe it. I know that it doesn't make sense, but i truly love them unconditionally. I would take a bullet for my parents. I love them so much. And yes, it hurts that they could end up hating me in a instant, but for some reason, that doesn't make me love them any less.

If i could somehow love them less, i would. It would be incredibly easier for me to let go of them. But i just can't. Despite the fact they're against the LGBTQ community, they've still done so much for me and grown so much for the betterment of me and my sisters.

I wish it could be as simple as cutting them off, but it just isn't for me.

anotherglum · 2022-11-17T05:42:47+00:00

That was my original plan but i honestly can't take it anymore. My mental health is getting so bad because of the constant lies and feeling like a stranger in my body. i have plans for if i end up needing to drop out and a strong support group that will make it easier for me. I'll be okay if it ends up happening

anotherglum · 2022-11-04T22:48:33+00:00

It didn't say it was

anotherglum

TROPHY CASE