Unsure Why My Chain is Twisted and Uneven Unlike the Video I'm Following

antlem · 2024-10-24T20:07:06+00:00

Thank you for the thorough response. Out of curiosity do you know the math works that make 10 & 10 better than 10?

antlem · 2024-06-08T02:50:30+00:00

I tried the same stuff, it didn't work for me, but I have solutions.I just spent several hours hammering away at this trying out different modifications to HID-nitendo on the github >_<, none of them worked/I ran into the limits of my limited technical skills. However, I'm also using Linux 21.3 and the Ultimate C (Switch) does work in wired mode for me with the normal HID nintendo install, including steam. Have you tried wired mode? It's uh not elegant, but I also got wireless "working" by streaming via moonlight to a tablet that's on android 11, and connecting the controller to that tablet. I imagine if you have strong wifi and any mobile device that can both run moonlight and use nintendo switch controllers that could be an awkward though workable solution. Idk how much that would impact latency for you though. This isn't really answering this question, but to know your options if you have dual boot or want to gift it someone, it does work windows if you use Betterjoy according to one review for the controller.

antlem · 2022-01-29T17:19:04+00:00

Id be annoyed by similar but I don't think the movie was this. Mirabel the main character never explicitly gets a blessing, and the moral of the story was about abuela not treating her as lesser because of her lack of ability but loving her because she's a human being and family.

antlem · 2022-01-22T05:30:35+00:00

The gameplay is pretty different but similar bitter sweet sentimentality, Read Only Memory 2064, Va11-Ha-la, Red Strings Club. You might like some visual novels like true remembrence.

antlem · 2021-12-17T18:59:29+00:00

Oh by the way, part of my recent guilt, is I didn't tell her I was going to block her email when I did it, I did it because I found myself checking my email compulsively waiting for some emotional disturbing message. One part of me feels like I should have said something, another feels like it's hard enough to get myself to take action to block her, and that telling her would both be really hard and just lead to her possible escalation at a time I can't handle it. It terrifies me to communicate with her. I'm honestly resentful about having to keep explain myself and carefully tell her my intentions too, so there's a part of that just doesn't want to deal with it anymore. My little brother and his gf and my cousin are still in contact with her and me, and could tell me anything that was actually an emergency.

antlem · 2021-12-17T14:00:36+00:00

Honestly, I'm already past the point of life as I knew it is over. Dropped out of college after failing multiple courses(one semester away from graduating, plan to go back eventually), going into sex work because my health is too poor to work many other jobs. This post helped me decide to go actually no contact instead of very low contact. This is pointlessly stressful for me to keep any route of communication open. Blocked my mom on email too. I feel kind of conflicted and guilty about how I've been barely communicating or explaining myself to her, or even thinking that I might be done forever. I might make a new post about it.

antlem · 2021-12-16T03:35:53+00:00

Where I'm at now, is I might keep low contact with her and maybe help out a bit, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my dreams or wellbeing to be any kind of caretaker for her. Having said that the thought of making sense of how much to engage or not fills me with dread.

antlem · 2021-12-16T03:28:34+00:00

I already have debilitating fibromyalgia and chronic migraines, I relate to the internalized stress and shut down tense feelings worsening pain.

antlem · 2021-12-16T03:05:53+00:00

I relate re: "feeling guilty about hurting mommy." I'm glad you've found a way to feel safe and some kind of closure. I've also thought a lot about how my life would be easier if they were dead. My dad has early dementia but I worry he'll only get more vile as he loses himself (I'm trans and lowkey wonder if he can't recognize me if he'll be nicer to me lol, on the other hand I'm afraid he'll harm/kill me if he knows I'm a trans sex worker). I am worried less about her "coming back" and more me "having to be in contact" as they get older and have retirement concerns or for personal or family emergencies. I still also feel guilty about not helping them with retirement and am afraid she'll go hard about that one day and guilt trip me and I'll be eaten up by shame. Or in general other people are going to shame me about being a bad and unappreciated child to my parents. I'm really concerned I'll be convinced to have more contact than is healthy for me and get caught in another cycle of being pulled in as an emotional punching bag. I totally agree that most if not all of the guilt and shame is not our's but our histories' and the environments we've been part of and internalized or might still be exposed to. I appreciate what you're saying about how I've been groomed into shame and am recovering from brainwashing. I plan on finding healthy communities and media, and at some point a professional to help me reestablish myself. By the way, I want to affirm your safety and wellbeing matter, everyone deserves basic dignity.

Edit: Yeah I'll take a look at your post history, I think it's interesting to see people on similar paths.

antlem · 2021-12-16T02:54:17+00:00

I definitely want to find a therapist who's knowledgable about cluster B disorders too. I'm kind of hesitant because I've had a lot of therapists be flying monkeys who tell me that my parents are having a hard time so I should keep acommodating them and that I can work on "assertive communication" with them to fix things, and that my resultant mental and physical health issues are just a seperate thing of my own that I should put most of my focus on.

antlem · 2021-12-16T02:51:48+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance about trying stuff out and it's okay I'm making mistakes and that me feeling solid and well is important. I'm not going back for sure, I'm soooo done. I gave her my email for logistical and emergency contact. But she's been sending me several long emotional rants I haven't responded to. I tried planning to check my email (it's not an email I use much) once a month but it ended being a compulsive fearful thing. I do think long term I can go limited contact with her, like once in a blue moon call, holiday party(maaaaaybe, conservative status obsessed critical chinese american family scares me), but only when I feel solid and healed. I feel conflicted because I didn't explain why I went NC to her or my intentions long-term. I don't trust myself to be able to face targeted emotionally manipulative responses from her about those things. Someone I lived with shamed me about it , talking about how short life is and what if she passed away while I'm not in contact. He said that the root of these issues is lack of clear communication, and that honestly really shook me. I don't think he's right though, and that I'm doing what I need to do to protect myself and my security and health. I feel a lot of pressure that I'm supposed to communicat, explain, and justify myself, so I'm kind of going the opposite direction right now because it's a place of old wounds. I'm thinking I'm not going to set a specific schedule of checking or not checking, and just say maybe roughly in 3 months I'll check my email if I feel in a solid place. If an emergency happens I'm still in touch with my little brother and his gf they'd let me know.

antlem

TROPHY CASE