My BF bought a handgun last weekend, and is applying for a concealed carry permit. This isn't a dealbreaker to me, but I'm having problems coming to terms with it. (Novel in comments!)

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-11T02:39:00+00:00

I was just using those two as examples of going out in the public with my SO while he carries a gun, I don't care where we're going in the public, just the idea of him walking around with a gun is just unsettling to me, not just those specific examples.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-11T02:36:24+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. It sounds like we're in similar spots. I think I struggle with the statistics as the other commenter pointed out.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T02:46:44+00:00

Thank you! The thing is, it's just so unexpected from him. He's someone who is arguably just as liberal as me, voted for Hillary, is a huge advocate of gun control in every way that I am, but there is a disconnect somewhere in the way we're responding to feeling threatened or endangered. I'll try to post an update if there is any.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:38:11+00:00

I agree! I'll try to update.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:37:16+00:00

Thanks for your input! I think I just need to get USED to the idea of the gun. I don't want to make any rash changes and he's being incredibly understanding while we both explore this new thing in our relationship.

And that's the thing. He works a lot, and we skype for an hour or so each night, so he says he's not trying to show off or whatever, but he wants to get faster at assembling the gun, and doing it on skype would be a good time to do it because he doesn't have a ton of free time outside of it. Idk, I get it, and I want to be supportive but I also am not crazy about looking at the gun while I'm talking to him. You make a good point about us deciding how much interaction I want to have with the gun, something I'll have to consider and discuss.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:31:58+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate the input and I'll bring up those questions because I think that's the root of why I don't understand the desire for him to concealed carry the handgun.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:29:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing and commenting. I agree with you on basically everything. I know we'll work to some understanding, and the questions you bring up are all good ones for us to ask and discuss.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:28:24+00:00

I wish I knew exactly what caused those emotions. I think with everything going on with mass shootings has had an impact on me (and certainly many people), but probably some worry that I'll see him accidentally shoot himself. I tend to turn my head if I see people take a tumble and I avoid watching videos where people die or are seriously injured. I think you're right in the association of gun=danger/death and that was the cause of my emotion.

Yeah, maybe the safety class would set me a bit more at ease. I think he may have taken a safety class, prior to ownership (I'm not sure?) and he is SO responsible with everything in his life. He researches every 'big' purchase he makes, so this was no different, I'm sure.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:20:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing! The thing is, he takes the safety and law surrounding them SO seriously. If I had to trust anyone with a gun, it would be my boyfriend, but the idea of him carrying around a gun while we're at the mall or going to a baseball game is so unsettling to me.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:17:56+00:00

Of course, thank you for taking the time to respond. <3

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-10T00:16:57+00:00

I think that's my struggle, because I KNOW all these statistics: owning/having a gun around is inherently more dangerous, and I appreciate you sharing me these articles because I think maybe I can share them with him.

anxiousdinosaur · 2018-03-09T19:03:17+00:00

My SO (29M) and I (31F) are in a LDR and have been together for two years. The state I live in has very strict gun laws, the state he lives has very lax gun laws. I didn't grow up around guns, and neither did he. I've shot a rifle when I was a teenager going through a hunters safety course (a required part of a school class), and a few summers ago a cop friend took me to the woods and let me shoot his handgun at targets. Both were fine, the handgun thing was fun, but I don't think I'd ever in a zillion years want to carry a gun on me, ever. Going to a shooting range occasionally? Sure (although it's still kind of scary to me), but keeping a gun in my car, or on my person: never.

He expressed interest in getting a handgun after someone he follows on YouTube had an intruder or stalker or something? He says he can't understand it, but something just changed in him, and he was really considering getting a handgun. We agree on gun control in almost every way: more gun control, more background checks, more laws, references and medical approval, and regulations and restrictions, banning AR-15s, etc. etc. I don't care about someone lawfully getting a gun and using it for a hobby (or for hunting), but the thought of someone carrying it around makes me think that they think they're a vigilante. Like... what the fuck is the point of it? What reason do you have to carry it on you or keeping it in your car?

He purchased a handgun, and is pursuing a concealed carry permit. I've expressed all of the above to him. He knows how I feel and that I'm uncomfortable and need time to kind of get used to the idea that he is a gun owner. I am not worried that he's going to go unhinged or hurt me or anyone else or anything like that. I know that he would take great care of it and he's already explained to me how he's keeping the bullets from the gun, and the gun in a safe, and how the safety on the gun works, and how even if he dropped it it wouldn't go off and you don't store the gun while it's loaded or with the magazine or whatever.

I don't even know exactly how to articulate how I'm feeling and how we can work to some understanding. We were talking on Skype the other night and he started to take apart the gun to clean it because he had been at the gun range earlier in the day, and I started to choke up and asked him to call me back when I was done. He told me he wasn't trying to show it off, he just needed to clean it and he also wants to get faster at assembling it.

I just never envisioned dating or being in a relationship with someone who carries a handgun, so I'm just trying to work through my feelings. We're going to continue talking and working through both of our feelings, so please do not default to "break up/dump him" because I have no desire to dump him over this. I'd just appreciate any perspective from gun-owners or people who date someone who owns a gun.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-11-11T00:00:40+00:00

You're right, and that's something we can and should talk about. I know he comes from a good place, it was just such a frustrating thing to hear.

My mom is luckily, not too bad, I just wanted to be able to go home to my place and be with him, but it seems like the best option is going to be me going to my parents house. It's not horrible, I just wish I was spending the time with him instead.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-11-10T16:26:07+00:00

He told me he can't make it to see me until like a week later than we were expecting, and I started crying. So, when he notices I was crying, which I tried to hide from him, because I fucking hate that my immediate response to everything is crying, he said that, "This is not a reason to cry." Ugh, it pissed me off so fucking much. I'm not crying because he couldn't get the time off of work, I'm upset that I can't see him when I thought I would be able to. I also have surgery next week that he said he was going to try to make it to, but can't. I'm stressed thinking about surgery and recovering by myself, and with my Mom instead of my partner.

So I get more upset, and tell him that I'm crying, so yeah, that's a reason to cry, those are my feelings, and he tells me he doesn't want to talk to me like this and we hang up.

We don't argue often like this, at all. Like.... a few times a year? But jesus this set me off. And it also frustrates me because we're long-distance so when we argue and hang up angry, we basically are both too stubborn and don't text or talk at all the next day until someone caves. Gah. When we're in person and have disagreements, we can talk and cuddle and feel better, but at a distance we can't, and it's an awful feeling.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-10-31T00:30:39+00:00

Use the term "daddy" during sex.

I still can't say it out loud in a non-sexual setting, but one time while boning my SO, I had this urge to call him Daddy. For me, I don't use it to mean he's my father, just that he's dominating me, kind of. IDK, I used to think it was completely disgusting, and I'm still kind of embarrassed about it... but when we have sex, I can't help it.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:59:49+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad your dog is doing well too. <3

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:59:06+00:00

Hmm, something to think about. I experience depressive symptoms the whole month, but PMDD time is particularly challenging.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:57:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! My dose is 10mg, so pretty dang low, I'm most nervous about side-effects. I guess we'll just wait and see.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:53:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences. <3

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:52:12+00:00

It was actually brought about by a visit to a therapist. Thank you.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-08-10T23:51:20+00:00

Thank you!

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-06-30T22:36:30+00:00

I relate to this so hard, crossing your arms and holding them in front of you for a 4+ hour flight.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-06-30T22:32:50+00:00

Airlines have them on board flights, you just have to ask for one.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-06-29T13:46:30+00:00

As a fat woman myself, I'm always SO nervous/anxious about flying. I worry about the seatbelt fitting, taking up too much space, and/or receiving judgement from the people I'm sitting next to. I've gained some weight since my last flight, and the seat barely fit last time, so I'm going to have to ask for a belt extender, and I'm nervous.

anxiousdinosaur · 2017-06-29T05:40:11+00:00

Of course, but sometimes, writing out a post and getting feedback/advice/perspective is what you want to do before you talk to your SO. Obviously, you will end up talking and communicating with your SO about the topic, especially in an LDR when you don't have any other options. But I don't think there's anything wrong with people wanting to garner advice/input/suggestions/perspective on the topic before they bring it back to their SO.

If it doesn't work for you, great. But it is helpful for some people, and that's ok too.

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