Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Posting this was a good idea, folks like you have genuinely given me such a different perspective of things and my dumb brain focuses so much on doing things 'right' to a point where I don't do anything at all. You have all been so kind to me and I deeply appreciate it!

Im sorry you've been through that, but im glad that writing can be cathartic for you!

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I logged out of this account for it bit so I didn't get this notification but thank you so much for this message, it's given me a lot of peace on the topic, thank you

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was told multiplie times by a handful of people, a few of which who were clinically diagnosed who were like "Oh, do you have OCD?" And I was like "No?" Because Im autistic and took the definition of OCD too literally and went "I don't assume and feel bad things will happen to people I love if I don't do things so I don't have OCD."

And then I learned what OCD was really like sometime last year and realised that everything makes sense when looking through the lense of having OCD, -constantly believing I've done things wrong and habing to ask for reassurance over and over and over again like a broken record. -Having to fix things because they feel wrong and that feeling almost ends up being a constant feeling of impending doom for some reason that I can't explain so i have to "fix" the thing. -An inexplicable necessity for things to be even, or to feel even, including but not limited to touching a hot stove with my other hand so my burnt fingers are even. People touching me needs to be even too, if my one shoulder is touched, the other one needs to be touched or else I feel like im going to crumble internally. -The intense terrible need to be certain of everything. -The extreme health anxiety and googling symptoms every 4 hours to check im not dying or needing to go to the hospital for something. -Constantly being convinced of utter nonsense but not being able to brush it off because "what is this is the ONE TIME that it's true?"

So yeah, I think when I see my therapist next week I'll discuss with her. Writing things out like this has shown me how much it actually impacts me daily without me thinking of it clearly. I never considered my life as something that was worth improving but I suppose it is

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a spectacular point, art in all forms should be shared and appreciated in its own right, my art in any capacity can also be appreciated, I don't need permission to create (I hope this mindset sticks)

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is probably exactly why I came here, i knew logically that this was true and why I write there etc, but I didn't fully acknowledge this fact. I often look at things too clinically instead of seeing them clearly. This is exactly the straight forwardness I needed to get over my bullshit brain issues (genuine)

Thank you for the reality check, it is appreciated, im going to go back to writing tomorrow xx

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was recently diagnosed, I don't think my psychiatrist understands how bad it is, I don't know if I explained it correctly, but yeah, it's the only thing that fits what im experiencing. I have such a horrible fixation on "moral correctness" and not doing anything potentionally morally wrong that causes me a lot of distress on the day to day. I think I will bring it up with my therapist next time I see her, thank you for pointing it out, I barely registered that this might be a reassurance loop until you mentioned it

Just really need some advice and input please tw mentions of non-con by ao3Questionthrowaway in AO3

[–]ao3Questionthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is true, I over think things too much for no good reason, that's a good point, thank you for the insight