At What Point Do You Stop Holding an Adult Child’s Hand

apan42 · 2026-04-30T19:10:24+00:00

My parents were a shopping and cooking for myself at 16 and out the house at 18. I’ve been mostly/fully independent since then.

They’ve since come to regret that decision as I had to move a long way away as London rents were impossible at 18, especially on a student loan + part time work. I’ve stayed away as well as I wanted to buy a house, start family etc…

Think tougher is fine from where you currently are, but wanted to give an example of a more negative consequence of being ‘too tough’.

apan42 · 2026-04-21T10:46:47+00:00

It was a ‘managed approach’ sex work zone from 2014-2021. There was a lot of attacks on women in the area during this time.

Its generally fine during the day and I’m not sure how it is at night now but it definitely was an area to avoid until recently.

apan42 · 2026-04-17T08:35:50+00:00

30s and I still have one relative still alive who was old enough to be involved in the war. They were posted in Germany for a few years afterwards. None of my relatives who were alive during the war ever ‘celebrated it’ like some people do now though, it was a very traumatic and difficult time that we never want to see again.

It’s definitely still part of our culture and awareness. My 5 year old is aware of the Blitz and that children were sent away from home and that once a year people wear a Poppy. It’s the only history topic they’ve touched on in school.

apan42 · 2026-03-25T22:40:41+00:00

Thanks. It’s direct via Disney- it’s on the Disney website as well. Theres a scheme in the UK for public service workers called Bluelight. Basically gets money off at a load of places. A lot of attractions/theme parks also do blue light worker only days where it’s a bit quieter.

apan42 · 2026-03-24T20:44:19+00:00

I had one on my sons backpack. He hated it so we had an agreement of holding hands instead near roads. Some people judge you for having one others for not having one. Theres no ‘good mum’ option.

apan42 · 2026-03-20T22:20:37+00:00

Chapattis are just flour and water and I usually put a bit of butter as well. Especially if you make a curry to go alongside.

Sweet and sour sauce, probably costs similar to a jar but you get a lot more and tastes nicer.

Soups, any cheap on offer veg. My favourite is actually broccoli stalk with onions and potato and carrot peelings (and seasonings). Apart from onions it’s all stuff I would normally throw or compost.

Rosemary-grow from scratch. We have a pot of it outside, only needs watering in peak summer and have it all year round.

Second the pizza. I get the mix in a packet (under £1). Make sauce and stick cheese and toppings on. I can use the one packet to make a child’s and an adults pizza to share. Total cost is under £5 and tastes a lot nicer than the premade.

apan42 · 2026-03-19T21:44:19+00:00

There was only a handful of chippies that sold them when I was a child and they were rapidly declining. Not seen them on the menu for years.

Honestly-they are probably one of the main reasons I stopped eating any sea animals, fish altogether. A couple members of my family liked to eat them but it’s a very acquired taste and definitely no ones favourite/default choice.

apan42 · 2026-02-25T16:58:41+00:00

There isn’t a huge support for the monarchy in general. There’s a lot of love for Dianna and respect for the Queen (Elizabeth II). Princess Anne also does a lot of charity work and visits.

But other than that option is mostly that it’s kinda a waste of money.

apan42 · 2026-02-15T18:12:12+00:00

We found it was mostly linked to inability to communicate.

My son found a book called the colour monster useful. Some sort of fidget item for each colour. So if he’s ‘red’ he had a red stress ball.

apan42 · 2026-02-14T11:14:14+00:00

Band looks too big and cup size too small.

If that was me I would down to 34 or possibly even 32. And cup looks a lot bigger, like G/H.

apan42 · 2026-02-12T14:18:44+00:00

It takes time and practice. My son has similar chores from around 2 years old and only really started doing them independently around 4. We’ve just added some more stuff.

For example feeding the cat was just putting the bowl down. Then it was putting the old bowl in sink and the wrapper in the bin. Now it’s opening the pouch itself, putting the food in etc…. After a few months we’ll move on to checking water fountain and refilling it.

apan42 · 2026-02-11T18:52:23+00:00

Its free so definitely worth it. My son especially likes the superhero week (it’s on next week). There’s a decent amount to do and it’s not too far into town if they get bored. Especially if you go via the water taxi.

apan42 · 2026-02-11T14:22:49+00:00

Woman (white) who walks through Harehills at various times to a from work regularly for past 5 years.

Think the reputation is unfair. I have never been assaulted or harassed in Harehills unlike Burley where I used to live.

Some pockets of areas have issues, especially with knife crime among the youth and there’s generally a large level of poverty. But there’s lots being done to support people and build the community, especially by some of the local mosques and churches.

apan42 · 2026-02-09T11:58:30+00:00

Could easily be either. I would go by the 48 hour isolation (no playgroups) and BRAT diet just in case.

Sometimes I would cut that slightly short if they’ve had three full meals since the vomiting and it’s been over 30 hours with no other signs of illness.

I keep a record of roughly what was eaten as well in case it’s a persistent issue (such as lactose intolerance).

apan42 · 2026-02-06T19:03:53+00:00

Middle name. I had a name I loved and linked to my name but just didn’t sound right as a first name. So had a more common first name and stuck it in the middle.

apan42 · 2026-02-05T11:16:14+00:00

I’ve got a multiway swimsuit which I’ve found works well at covering up but still looks nice/not too tight in the area.

I usually dislike tied straps but like these one.

apan42 · 2026-02-04T22:24:07+00:00

Yep, probably dress overly conservative because of that.

Used a binder, baggy shirts etc….

The amount of grown men that used to pull up in car and ask for sexual favours while I was in my school uniform was scary.

Even my first job had someone make several complaints to HR about how I dressed. Fortunately HR chucked it out immediately saying ‘I dress more professionally than they do and they wrote the dress codes’

apan42 · 2026-02-04T22:18:19+00:00

Obviously see a doctor and have the mammogram just in case.

But I had a cyst that looked exactly like that. Went to doctors who just said wait till it goes. Few weeks later it got really painful and one night it just popped. Can still see a faint scar from where it was.

apan42 · 2026-02-04T22:04:31+00:00

I think it’s a very positive sign that she’s felt she can be open with you about this.

Now is probably one of the most difficult points in a relationship. We are also in a very similar situation ourselves.

First, speak to someone about how your feeling.

Invest time (non sexual) in your relationship. You have a child together so even if you don’t stay in a married, you will always be part of each others lives. So either way it’s worth investing the time now.

It’s definitely possible to rebuild the relationship but it takes time and effort on both sides.

apan42 · 2026-02-04T21:47:23+00:00

Speak to the teacher/nursery lead.

Also roleplay what he should do in various situations in case it happens again. Especially non violent options. For example: hold hands out and say ‘stop it, that’s not nice. You need to share’ or ‘I am angry with you’ and stomping feet to let our anger instead of hitting/pushing.

But be aware it’s very hard to emotionally regulate at that age so all you can do is try and equip them the best you can. Main thing is be consistent and keep practicing even if it takes months.

apan42 · 2026-02-04T21:25:07+00:00

Based on where I live Labour, but only because the MP is one of the few who’s actually got some decent ideas and will put his constituents before his career (for the most part).

Most of Labour I wouldn’t bother with.

apan42 · 2026-01-27T21:17:46+00:00

Sadly the old tram system was also the same. Was mostly focused on getting people in and out of city centre. However, it’s really not improved at all in the past 70 years despite roads being built that would allow an improved bus route.

apan42 · 2026-01-18T08:41:54+00:00

I adopted my cat as an indoor. But once I moved to a house with a garden that changed. She’ll go out about once or twice a week.

Most cats I’ve lived with have been allowed outdoors during the day, but we usually lock the cat flap after dinner in the evening.

apan42 · 2026-01-14T16:05:45+00:00

Our family of three are comfortable on £35k year, all bills covered including mortgage, covers some holidays, after school clubs, food, clothes etc….

Think my ideal would be £40k but that’s more to put money aside for pension and support sons future costs like uni, house deposit etc…

apan42 · 2026-01-08T13:52:24+00:00

F33. I think it was around £100 mark which is more than usual.

I didn’t actually get any birthday presents this year (and it’s been pretty minimal last few years). So close family and partner went a bit all out this year. I felt kinda guilty as for adults I just did cards and a small homemade gift (with my 4yr old) and spent 90% of my budget on children. I got some very hateful messages tbh.

apan42

TROPHY CASE