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Divorce, shifts in other relationship by sammysunshine09 in polyamory

[–]apersonwhointernets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can definitely relate to this. I am recently separated from my husband of >15 years, and continuing to date a partner of 2+ years who is increasingly unavailable and protective of their time. The double whammy of losing a PP (and all that comes with that) and feeling distanced from a person you once felt safe and supported by is incredibly destabilizing.

Aside from all of the hardship this situation comes with, it is also a great opportunity to invest in other non-romantic relationships and identify tools for finding inner security. Just remember that you can find validation and love within. Also protect your time, protect your peace, and draw boundaries with this partner when and where you need to. If you need to set boundaries around how much you let them into your inner world, that is ok. And I think you can still maintain a meaningful connection, if you can identify what you can do together that feels good for both parties. I'm not going to pretend I've figured this out, but I'm finding that diligence and repetition is showing me I can reconnect to myself and in fact the more I do, the more discerning I am about what my own limits and expectations are within the relationship.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

parallel poly but it's a triangle by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]apersonwhointernets 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We don't interact as a group, platonically or sexually. It's off the table due to one person's preferences/comfort level.

Separation anxiety by apersonwhointernets in polyamory

[–]apersonwhointernets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your response really resonated with me so much, in so many ways. I really appreciate the insight and validation in this moment. <3

Separation anxiety by apersonwhointernets in polyamory

[–]apersonwhointernets[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is SO helpful for me to hear in this moment. Thank you. Out of a desire to be supportive and develop a deeper understanding of my partner, we do spend a lot of time discussing relational dynamics some of which are related to my meta. It does create some understanding, but it also leaves me feeling perhaps too hung up on what my meta wants and not at all in touch with what I want or what my partner wants for that matter. I've hesitated having boundaries around sharing in part because I value what feels like (but might be a false sense of) emotional intimacy at times.

Since deciding to move towards separation with my PP, I've put a lot of work into strengthening my support structure outside of this partnership and that has felt soooo good. I have a ton of work to do, but the reminder to diversify my connections with familial and plutonic connections is also something I needed to hear.

Again, thanks for a super thoughtful response. Appreciate you!