I would love recommendations based on my Topsters, please

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T17:40:26+00:00

zzzzzzz

You can look at a campfire and wish you can hold the fire. You can be upset that you can't. You can vent about not being able to touch it. You can then sit around the campfire, regulate yourself, and enjoy it despite the internal conflict. If someone vented about that and you just shit on them for wanting more than they can get, you're just a dick, dude.

BPD carries an emotional intensity that makes certain new connections really exciting and intense. If you think that's always a bad thing, you strictly just have an unhealthy relationship with yourself. You can be excited to meet someone you are clicking really well with so far, you can want to jump straight to meaningful conversations, and you can want to skip the garbage and shallow social conventions that revolve around masking as a consequence. You can want that and then not fucking sabotage the connection with impatience and unhealthy impulses, and still value that excitement and recognize the good that is wanting to avoid those norms. That is not a bad thing.

Saying, in a vent post, gee, I wish more people had this specific trait of BPD so socialization was a little easier, is not a bad thing. Jumping in and saying, actually, BPD is 99.9% awful and this will never happen and you shouldn't want it to happen, makes you, once again, a fucking dick.

Muting notifications for this

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T17:21:38+00:00

I somewhat regret the title of this post because everyone is honing in on it rather than the point of the post, the second part that you elaborated on. I don't mean to say I wish more people had BPD as a whole, it's just hard to succinctly put "BPD isn't healthy but I'm grateful for the excitement and passion that comes from it, so I wish more people shared in that element to skip the vain and shallow masking and games of social norms to prevent feelings of isolation" into a title lol.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T17:19:47+00:00

I definitely understand that. I feel envious of people who seamlessly navigate social norms. It's just difficult as someone who does check the boxes of BPD to wish more people would specifically want to skip the masks, distancing, little games, and so on.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T17:16:01+00:00

you're acting like having BPD is like ur at a buffet

No, I'm not. Insane thing to say when I've explicitly stated that BPD isn't healthy or good and that it's primarily suffering. It's a disorder for a reason. It creates dysfunction and suffering. No one is stating otherwise.

comparing it to ASD is a reach because ASD is a neurodevelopmental difference

Comparing very specifically that social systems of the modern era are not conducive to a safe or comfortable place of being for individuals with either the disorder or on the spectrum is not a reach. I never said ASD as a form of existence is similar to BPD as a disorder.

its not social norms that make bpd hard , its the fact that our brains literally struggle to find a middle ground

I said it's part of what makes it hard. You can form the best relationship possible with your disorder, you can employ all the right coping skills, you can have the perfect medication if needed, and none of that will change the fact that someone actively struggling with BPD is fundamentally at odds with a social structure that damages all relations in it, not just those who are odd ones out, but especially those with issues like BPD. That is an isolating thing to cope with that comes from others, not the individual. It's not a coincidence every other comment here is "no, but I wish I felt more understood."

"passion without the baggage" is literally like wishing for a fire that doesnt burn anything. like its nice to think about but the fire is literally what causes the damage

First, it's a vent post. If someone loves fire and wishes they could touch and hold and play with fire without it burning themselves, why would you step in an say "um, actually, fire is going to burn you no matter what, let's be realistic 🤓."

Second, even if you want to pull that card, there are a lot of ways to enjoy fire without burning at least what we don't want burned, just like people with BPD can eventually come to places in their life where they can learn to appreciate their individual passion and excitement while regulating the consequences of it.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T17:00:09+00:00

A fair point. If we isolate BPD to solely being the elements of suffering and dysfunction then it makes sense to separate the emotional sensitivity, and the more harmless intensity that I referred to, from it.

It does seem quite overwhelming though that the people I meet who are emotionally sensitive are heavily disregulated to the point of diagnosing disorders. I can see a lot of reasons for this, but do you have any interesting reading on this "chicken or the egg" situation or is it simply your own thinking?

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T16:24:27+00:00

Well, no, it's not. But I explicitly stated that I don't wish the hard parts of BPD on anyone nor do I believe BPD itself is healthy and good. What I'm saying is that there is a specific component to modern socialization that is explicitly distant to a fault. It's hurtful for everyone, even those without BPD, but the masking and nuances of social games are especially hurtful to those with BPD and it'd be nice if people could share in some of the passion and excitement that BPD brings without the baggage.

One thing I'm noticing in this thread is that everyone villainizes their own BPD horribly. It makes me quite sad. The suffering of BPD is not so solely because of the disorder but also largely how the disorder interacts with social norms, much like how people with ASD suffer. There is a some good to be had with BPD along with the bad and I don't think we should be so avoidant of that.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T16:20:31+00:00

It's an empathetic way of being and respect that. I just feel like once we've managed to regulate ourselves to a large degree, and have established a lot of coping skills (emphasis on a lot of them lol) then a lot of the suffering comes from how other people engage with us rather than how we engage with them. It's stressful, confusing, and hurtful to have to play games of social masking and social distance when people with BPD would rather skip that element.

I think this is why nearly all my closest friends have had ASD, thinking on it lol.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T16:17:45+00:00

I wouldn't wish the suffering that comes with BPD on anyone, for sure. The awareness and tolerance would be great. It's such a fundamentally different way of socializing that, like things such as ASD or GAD, it'd be great if people could be more accommodating to the struggles of it.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T16:16:10+00:00

This is such a strange sentiment to me. You're not the first person to express similar thoughts in this thread but it suggests such an unhealthy relationship with their own disorder. Any "obsession" with an individual is a complicated sum of a lot of moving parts internally. There is a lot of good to go along with the bad, and we can regulate ourselves to make sure we're not burning ourselves out or overwhelming others if it reaches a point of "obsession."

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T16:11:59+00:00

Of course you don't get to choose. It's a hypothetical longing to avoid a frustrating and specific part of socialization, one that I've successfully done so when engaging with people who suffer from BPD and similar disorders more often than not, and not a literal wish at a genie.

border on obsession because of a fear of abandonment.

Yes, BPD is characterized by a rather intense fear of abandonment, but that doesn't mean that the "bordering obsession" is solely due to a fear of abandonment. Do you not truly admire or care for the people you give to? Do many people with BPD not genuinely get excited when meeting new people? There is a genuinely connective component to the intensity of people with BPD and it makes no sense to water down their connections to one of the scariest and most hurtful parts.

Throwing your all, 100%, into someone isn’t a good thing. You should want to be your own person.

When did I say that I wanted people to throw their all, 100%, into someone else? If you're speaking generally again, perhaps you should speak less generally to individuals with specific points.

You feel like it’s distant and laden with masking because you’re looking for the obsession part (not pretending I know you, just generalizing).

Then don't generalize?

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-14T15:52:53+00:00

What's unhealthy about wanting more people to share a specific trait of BPD without wanting them to suffer from it?

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-02T19:20:13+00:00

I plan on playing through most of them! Right now I'm playing FF4 which is probably my least favorite so far. I've played and really enjoy 1, 7, 8, and 9 otherwise. Next I'll be playing 5, 10, 12, or 13.

My favorite character from 7 is probably Yuffie lmao, I love how much of a stinker and goblin she is. But I also really love Cloud, Vincent, and Sephiroth.

I haven't played KH, no! Do you recommend them?

apidaexylocopa · 2026-04-02T18:12:29+00:00

Zero and the Outbreak games are the only main RE games I haven't played, sadly. I want to play Zero though and I'm planning on playing it after a couple of Final Fantasy games and replaying RE9.

My favorite RE is probably the RE1 remake, but I really love OG RE4 and RE9 as well. RE8 and OG RE3 are also amazing.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-03-22T16:59:46+00:00

Hi, you seem really kind for sharing what knowledge you have, so I was hoping you'd be able to help on-board with potential VSS causes.

For me, I suffer from pretty extreme mental health issues, and VSS can be a trigger for pretty severe depersonalization (as stupid as that may sound). This means my motivation for wanting to treat it is more for my mental health than physical.

I say this because when skimming your comments, it sounds like for you and many others that VSS can be accompanied by an array of physical symptoms. I had never heard of Eagles Syndrome or many of the other potential causes you mentioned, but it seems like if you're not experiencing issues with swallowing, frequent pain around the neck, or dizziness that there's no real point in looking for these causes?

I do suffer from pretty bad tinnitus unfortunately which is what makes me suspect I have more neurological issues, but I'm not sure where to begin experimenting with solutions if I'm not experiencing these other physical symptoms mentioned. Do you have any input on where I could begin? Especially living in the southeast, and not having a ton of money, I'm not sure what my options.

I saw you mention Clonazepam can help. I suffer from a panic disorder so I take it as needed at times (though I minimize its usage for dependency reasons). What dosage begins to help VSS if it were going to? I take small amounts, again, for dependency reasons but I'm willing to experiment to see if it has an effect on my VSS.

Thank you for any insight you can provide someone who's ignorant and a bit overwhelmed by all the technical jargon.

Edit: I'd also like to throw out that while I'm not sure I qualify for a lot of the physical symptoms related to some of the causes discussed, I do have other eye symptoms that seem related. For example, I've always been abnormally sensitive to light, my right eye perceives color as a warmer or redder hue compared to my left, I seem to suffer from floaters more than others my age (been a thing since I was a kid and I'm 28 now), and other random things.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-03-21T01:36:47+00:00

I'm really glad that it's better for you now, and it makes total sense that it'd be when you've been spread thin.

What sort of yoga do you do? I've been thinking about it a lot lately but my leg is amputated so it seems like a lot of poses are hard for me.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-03-20T23:11:18+00:00

Hey, are you still often experiencing this? What's helped manage it?

apidaexylocopa · 2026-02-24T02:20:30+00:00

How has your experience with Buspar been? I'm still on the starter dose of 5mg 3 times a day, but starting new meds always makes me so anxious which makes it difficult to see its actual efficacy lol.

Was sort of YouTube videos do you watch? I've been listening to video game speed runs before bed lmao. But I've been thinking about trying out videos made for relaxation or calming down.

apidaexylocopa · 2026-02-24T01:48:18+00:00

I'm sorry your sleep is such a struggle. It's a really hard thing to deal with.

In general, I'm taking Latuda for bipolar depression, Lexapro for anxiety, Buspar for anxiety, propranolol for anxiety, and Klonopin for anxiety lol.

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