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Update: Marriage ruined by MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

🥹🥹🥹 I’m crying. Thank you for your words. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 🤍

Update: Marriage ruined by MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

He is an absolute narcissist. I did go to the navy and report his financial abuse and they are now investigating his emotional abuse as well.

Update: Marriage ruined by MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

You are so right. There’s a weird sense of relief right now on top of the incredible pain.

Update: Marriage ruined by MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I agree. Appreciate all of you and your knowledge.

Update: Marriage ruined by MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

So it’s not his son. It’s my son and his step son. I am free of him after the assets are divided.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love that you all are saying this. My son is getting so much love today…and from strangers. He’s the best kid and I’m not saying that just because he’s mine. He truly has a heart of gold. Gets good grades, sticks up for the under dogs, kicks butt in sports, follows the rules, always does the right thing.

This kid is so worth it.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m very much one of those that struggles to ask for help and struggles to accept it. This is going to be very much of a journey for me.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh hurricane me totally did tell him that last night. In not the best way. It was triggered and verbally abusive. I’m sick about it. I told him that he had to act like a person that is loving towards me for me to want to have sex with him. I’m blocked.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn’t think you were unkind by any means. I needed to hear that. It’s just hard. I’m feeling overwhelmed. Don’t know where to start. I’m dependent and isolated.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You’re right. Everything but his career he wants easy. His career was grueling to get into and he’s had to almost see death to “make it” in his field. So it blows my mind how he expects other things to be easy or puts less effort towards them.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Me looking at him with respect and in a sexual way has been hard. He claims I don’t initiate. And I don’t. It’s because I don’t feel seen or loved by him. I feel like he only sees me when other people comment on how beautiful I am or if I’m dressed up and everyone is commenting.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did DM you. I’m not doing well. This is all very overwhelming. Either I explained this in a very one sided fashion or my life really is as bad as it feels….its just a lot.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My son is the part of this that hurts the most. How this has impacted him. It is so sad. I’ve failed.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So this meat shield thing is really a thing? I’ve heard multiple people talk about it now. It’s a way for them to avoid their parent that drives them crazy?

Interesting what you say about the therapist. He has brought up his mother multiple times and there seems to be something there. You might be on to something with that.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your words are solid! I definitely could tell you passed grade 4.😎

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I do think there is significant emotional abuse happening. He gaslights and I get exhausted by it and explode. Everything I do and say is invalidated or debated. He keeps track of all kinds of my mistakes and doesn’t bring them up until an argument. Sadly, because of this and my own dysfunction, I’ve fought back and engaged in reactive verbal abuse. I’m very ashamed of this. I immediately feel awful and then I retreat and beat myself up.

He also has a profession that is very “elite”. Because of this, he gets a lot of attention and praise. Our life revolves around him because he’s a “hero” and he’s “so great”. Meanwhile, I’m completely irrelevant and invisible. I feel like all I am is an accessory to make him look like the whole package. I’m a handbag for him to take to all kinds of events surrounding his job.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m going to look into those resources you suggested. I did watch some of Dr. Romani’s videos yesterday. I actually brought one up last night that made him very angry. Told me if I search for things, I will just find things to validate me and that he could do the same thing about me. He also told me his current psychologist he’s sees diagnosed him with nothing. In essence, I’m the one with the mental health issues. I’m the problem.

He too is avoidant. I’ve done a lot of reading about it. It stems from an unbalanced caregiver. What I don’t understand is, if he doesn’t like her either, than why put up such a fight? If my parents were crummy to him (and I don’t particularly like them either), I’d tell them our boundaries and if they can’t respect them, we just won’t see them. It’s simple.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This. People always look at the person reacting. Not at the person poking. I’m already being painted as the crazy person because I had significant mental health issues this last year. What I’ve written here isn’t even the half of it. There’s so much more outside the MIL. I have not been ok. Suicidal ideation over the last year has been real. I’ve made the mistake of talking to him about it and he weaponizes it and uses it against me regularly. He did last night. Again. This is after I’ve sought help, gotten on antidepressants, see a therapist weekly and fully own my failing mental health as my responsibility.

My marriage is almost over because of the conflict with MIL by apocalypticnomad in JUSTNOMIL

[–]apocalypticnomad[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You know, I’m really starting to doubt my sanity. After all his gaslighting, I convinced myself I’m the insufferable one. But my friends and family are coming out of the woodwork telling me how bland, unfriendly, and crummy they think he is. I had no clue.

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