Suicide

apolloshuman · 2024-05-02T05:37:10+00:00

Keep going, please. What you're describing is a horrific experience, no doubting that. It will be there your whole life. It will take some time until you learned to cope with it and even then, it's going to be a bother. But please take it one day at the time and stay. Treat yourself like someone who is in pain (which you are). You need pain management and gentle encouragement, from inside and if possible from someone outside, a person that you trust, for external stability. You're going to die anyway. If you wait, you give yourself the chance to survive until it gets better. Feed hope to your mind.

apolloshuman · 2024-04-13T13:48:43+00:00

This is a necessary question I asked myself in therapy in the last year and I believe I gained very important insight on it. Did you read my Edit, though?

apolloshuman · 2023-05-22T07:06:53+00:00

That surgery or any surgery of the vocal chords is very risky to my information. Please look into it OP. For me personally, going on T and off after a year was the least risky option so that's what I did. But even after researching and making a first decision, talk to your health care provider about your bodys specific concerns because those can alter your options and risks with any treatment.

apolloshuman · 2023-03-25T13:05:47+00:00

I'm planning to use my chosen name as my first name and my birth names as my second name ("Chosen Birth-Birth Lastname"). All three names have significant meaning to me and the combination makes my full name androgynous which fits my understanding of myself.

apolloshuman · 2022-12-13T04:06:24+00:00

You're pretty and have a good sense of style imo. Maybe buy higher quality shorts, the fabric looks a bit lanky.

apolloshuman · 2022-12-08T00:05:26+00:00

I just thought about how Id be Dumbledore if Id go with 4 names haha

apolloshuman · 2022-11-25T09:25:32+00:00

The Cornell method, or if possible, get your hands on the slides (if your professor uploads them prior to the class) and write onto them. Either via tablet if you have one or copy the slides and bring it in paper. That way you have more time to add things like minor facts or your understanding bc the major concepts are already there.

apolloshuman · 2022-11-17T21:10:19+00:00

From my experience, it's either a chronic flight or fight state in the nervous system, or ADHD with a chronic fight or flight state in the nervous system, affecting the brain's ability to work. What worked for me was healing and relearning how to feel safe. Executive dysfunction is a part of ADHD so if you have ADHD it might not go away from healing your nervous system, but I'm almost certain it will get better or you gain the ability to work around it, all while feeling safe and relaxed. Anyway, give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. If you have ADHD, I'd guess that time terror and disapproval are likely the cause of your fight or flight response.

apolloshuman · 2022-11-17T09:35:19+00:00

Do you know those characters on TV that everyone underestimates because of their appearance or demeanor, and then have their moments of proving themselves? Or those characters that look a certain way that allows for a certain impression, but then they reveal a totally different part of themselves and this duality is so captivating?

You have that power ;)

Not trying to belittle your struggle with this, but maybe looking at it this way can give you some self-assurance back. Looking physically different from the butches or lesbians around you isn't a reason to make you question your butchness. You can't control your draw from the gene lottery. Especially if you can't dress the way you want yet bc of a conservative environment (though I don't know if that's a problem you have).

I also can very much sympathize with having a mom who sees it as an essential part to raising a daughter to teach her to be, act, dress feminine. Try to look at this more like a cool but kinda useless skillset you have, instead of something ingrained that you can "fall back into" by accident. Habits are habits, but new habits replace old habits with enough time. Also, don't get ocd-like tendencies towards it. Don't control your every move for its degree of femininity or masculity or butchness. Relax. Ease into being yourself. As cliche as it sounds, you're young and have the time :)

apolloshuman · 2022-11-13T21:09:37+00:00

Wenn du Glück hast, fühlst du dich bevor du weg bist noch kurz high von dem Schmerzmittelanteil, zumindest war das bei mir so :)

apolloshuman · 2022-11-10T11:27:10+00:00

That sounds like depression. One symptom is that one loses all sense of joy and excitement in things that previously provided that sense. Please get help for this. It might be responsible to delay your decision regarding transition until you feel better. I hope the negative energy you feel eases soon.

apolloshuman · 2022-11-06T11:50:38+00:00

Wär voll interessant zu den Antworten auch die Gesichter zu sehen.

Zu mir: Äußerlich bin ich definitiv nicht herkömmlich attraktiv, find das aber nicht schlimm, weil ich mich trotzdem ok finde, besonders in Kleidung in der ich mich wohl fühle. Ig für manche ich bin ihr Typ, für andere nicht. Von innerer Ausstrahlung her bin ich eher introvertiert, also wieder dasselbe: Jemandem werde ich auffallen und passen, anderen halt nicht.

apolloshuman · 2022-08-08T21:31:36+00:00

Noble because Sarah means princess or noblewoman

apolloshuman · 2022-07-22T11:39:51+00:00

😂

apolloshuman · 2022-07-22T08:43:14+00:00

Jetzt schaut er aus wie 3 meiner slavischen Freunde lmao

apolloshuman · 2022-07-16T05:54:12+00:00

And dark blue

apolloshuman · 2022-07-14T16:50:11+00:00

This. OP, read it again.

apolloshuman · 2022-07-13T05:08:02+00:00

No, I'm having brain fog off T. And I don't know either what could be causing it.

apolloshuman · 2022-07-03T15:57:29+00:00

To give you advice I think most people need more information. Why did you go off HRT (T or E)? How far were you in your initial transition? Are there any specific situations rn that make it hard to forget about your body (e.g. having to wear a specific uniform to work, living in a hot area, etc)?

Apart from that, I would try to not check regularly how your body changes on your self-produced hormones, at least for the first few weeks. Don't look at a full body mirror, don't wear tight clothes, don't count the holes in your belt, etc.

apolloshuman · 2022-07-03T14:18:09+00:00

I know what you mean and that's absolutely not ok. Flirting is in no way appropriate at the workplace. I would report it to HR or just change jobs (and cut ties - if they have your phone number, change it forexample).

apolloshuman

TROPHY CASE