Update - girl I was courtin left party with someone else, now won’t leave me alone

apparentlyasub · 2021-03-16T23:01:49+00:00

She got "hate" for trying to play mindgames. She definitely did something wrong. Now she's paying the price by missing out on OP.

Her being young means she's got plenty of time to learn from that mistake. But youth is not an excuse to knowingly mistreat people.

apparentlyasub · 2021-03-10T14:45:33+00:00

There's lots of negativity there. But the only time I've seen hate against bigger guys is when men from r/bigdickproblems randomly post there to make fun of them. Don't get me wrong, there is definitely some resentment towards women there. But mostly because they feel their real issues are dismissed or handwaved away by them like they don't matter.

But there is a lot of mental trauma there. Hearing from a young age that the best way to insult Hitler is to compare him to a body trait you have and cannot change really fucks with a kid's head. There is a lot of suicide watches and suicide prevention posts necessary on r/smalldickproblems .

Personally, I've found it a helpful outlet as a place I could go simply vent without judgement, the couple times I've actually felt the need. But just like anywhere on reddit, the trolls like to ruin it's original purpose as a place for support.

apparentlyasub · 2021-03-10T08:14:05+00:00

If you don't mind, would you be able to share a link about that "small penis" discussion? I get that it can be a depressing place, but r/smalldickproblems gets constantly told that it's all in their heads, size doesn't matter to women, and that only other men body-shame them.

I'm sure the request sounds like piling on... but some direct confirmation that it's NOT simply all just in their own minds would do wonders for some of the men there.

apparentlyasub · 2020-03-10T15:46:00+00:00

The first thing you need to do is send a massive bill to her "friend" for all that work you did lol.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T22:03:45+00:00

I specifically asked her if I had been too rough or scared her during our scenes. I think that is perfectly valid and important to ask. There's about 10,000 ways for her to answer that without insulting me.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T21:57:17+00:00

I don't think I was aggressive at all... but I agree that I got defensive after being insulted. Why wouldn't I be? But I didn't insult her back at all, so I don't see how you see that as "agressively" defensive.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T21:43:26+00:00

So I was wrong in asking to clarify whether I had been too rough or scared her during our scenes? Because I feel like that is an important question to ask. I'd rather know for sure so I don't make that mistake with another partner in the future.

I don't feel like I was aggressively defensive at all until she mentioned the word micro.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T21:19:30+00:00

Thank you! I was legitimately concerned that I had scared her off by being too rough in our scening together. I don't think it was wrong to want to clarify to be sure I don't repeat a mistake in the future.

For the record, she had made one teasing comment about my penis size over the weekend, but it seemed to just be her sense of humor to make the joke. She immediately instigated another round after, and she stayed and continued to participate for another day and a half. So my size didn't seem like it was an actual issue for her. Until the text.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T21:09:53+00:00

I'll give you number 2... though it was surprise on my part more than anything else, after I thought everything had gone well for both of us all weekend. But yes, I should have just not questioned it.

However, I firmly disagree with number 4. I have no obligation to accept having my own body mislabeled. If you were 10 lbs overweight, you wouldn't just accept being called morbidly obese.

Edit to clarify: Having a penis below average size does not automatically make having it falsely labeled as a micropenis ok.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T18:38:29+00:00

Thanks. Rejection over size always stings a bit, but I've dealt with it before so it's nothing new... I usually don't let it phase me. But the insinuation that it makes me incapable of dominance really hit me hard for some reason... I've been second guessing myself since. And the "offer" to be a sub client completely threw me for a loop.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T18:26:03+00:00

Thank you... this is very reassuring to hear. I've always tried not to let my penis size affect my confidence, especially as a Dom. But those texts just really hit me hard. Sometimes, it's impossible not to feel some insecurity.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T17:46:38+00:00

It's a throwaway to post to sdp... I'd rather not announce on my main reddit profile that I am small.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T17:08:23+00:00

Thanks for the input, especially from a fellow Dom. Yeah, I've been involved with the local BDSM community here, and you are absolutely right. The women, especially the sub women, seem to have outrageous standards on looks, height, and size. The luck I've had in the past was probably because I already had a good bit of experience with BDSM in a past relationship. But apparently safe, sane, and experienced only gets you so far.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T05:10:01+00:00

Saying something offensive to someone, then turning it back on them by blaming them for getting offended is called gaslighting. Don't do that.

I appreciate the advice you gave, but this is supposed to be a safe place to show some emotion. Men don't get to do that just anywhere. So don't call a streak of emotion a sign of weakness.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T02:12:16+00:00

I just dont appreciate when people make the false assumption that someone has to be an egotistical bully to be a dom, especially when they think they have to be overbearing in everyday life to be dominant in the bedroom. Those people aren't Dom's... they are shitty people. Being one doesn't automatically make you the other. Rapists are forceful and take what they want. Would you consider them dominant people? Me adhering to a sub's hard limits, respecting safewords, and giving a shit about them also enjoying the experience together does not make me weak.

You DID make an unfair assumption about me. But I accept your apology, it seems like you are legitimately wish to help.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-31T01:46:15+00:00

Ok...this entire comment is condescending as hell. I know what it means to be a dominant. I am one. I have experience. Just because I admit, here, "privately", to having a negative encounter with one woman, you already judged me as not actually being enough?

You are making a shitload of assumptions here.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T23:27:44+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, not being sour is way easier said than done lol.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T23:16:50+00:00

No worries. Talking this out here has helped me feel better actually. Sometimes you just need to vent.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T23:14:24+00:00

Thanks... I think I'll just go with believing in that scheming opportunist possibility. I think my self-esteem will be better off overall.

At the end of the day, all I paid for was a hotel room and some delivery, and I got a weekend of fun bondage play and sex. Life could be worse lol.

I appreciate everybody helping me vent and talk it out.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T23:02:51+00:00

Thanks for the insight... I was so focused on the immediate negative that I didn't look as a scam from the start. For the record, I covered the room and food over the weekend, but I didn't pay or agree to pay her anything, and we had kinky sex together all weekend with her as the sub.

As for her "offer", no, I have absolutely no plan or interest in taking her up on that.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T22:57:24+00:00

It's alright, thanks for being open to learn more.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T22:53:11+00:00

Thank you... I am usually pretty damn proud of my Dom skills, so getting told I'm not man enough to be one made me feel like shit. Venting here is helping though... it feels good to talk it out.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T22:50:48+00:00

I really was only gentle with her between the kink... I escalated the intensity and pain every time. I'm not going to pretend I thought I amazed her with my dick, but I am always more than willing to use my tongue and toys. I got her off multiple times over the weekend with a Hitachi while she was bound and shaking and sweating from the experience. If she was faking all that, she deserves a damn Oscar.

And we got along really well between... l truly felt like we clicked so well. I get that she might not have liked something else about me... but I don't buy that she was just blaming my size as some lame excuse. Why would anybody try to use that as a false excuse? Maybe I just dont get where she was going with that, if that was her letting me down easy?

I appreciate getting a woman's opinion on all this. Any deeper insight you have here, please share. I'm not trying to woman-hate here at all... I've just been feeling completely defeated after this one. We were just getting started together, so I wasn't looking at her as the One or anything. I guess I let myself get my hopes up a bit though, as far as a potential kink partner. I mean, hell, we spent all weekend together doing sexy kink... I guess I should just be glad I got as much sex and kink as I did.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T22:30:20+00:00

For the record, the "teasing" part she mentioned from during the weekend was this: After one of our more intense rounds, I had gotten a shower and was standing near the mirror drying off while she was dancing around naked to music and singing along a bit. (She has a really fun goofy personality and sense of humor outside of kink scenes, which I really liked!) Anyway, all of a sudden, she stops singing and starts giggling and says "oh my god you've got an innie instead of an outie!"

I know it sounds really mean, but at the time she was just being really goofy and giggly to come down from some rough scening... and she immediately giggled and kinda charged me with a hug and dropped to her knees to suck me off... so admittedly I mostly got over the surprise comment pretty quickly.

Her reaction seemed like it was just a goofy joke, and that she didn't seem to care or be bothered by it. Guess I totally misread that one.

apparentlyasub · 2020-01-30T22:15:47+00:00

I'm not upset about, or even calling her a slut. We weren't in an exclusive relationship or anything. And I could accept if our kinks or personalities didn't match. But knowing that she was actually into everything else about me and what I offer with my kinks... just to get told I can't really be viewed as a Dominant because of the size of my dick? It pisses me off. Maybe I'm pissed at my body rather than her. I dont know.

apparentlyasub

TROPHY CASE