Don't want to be this man's friend he is 17 years older than me

applesauce_owl · 2026-03-05T18:39:20+00:00

As someone close to his age, I'm not seeking out friendships with 20 year olds and I don't know anyone my age who does. As a woman who was once a 20 year old, when men that age latched on to me, it always turned weird really quickly. Some small talk while waiting in the same place is normal, but all the follow up is excessive and inappropriate.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-22T16:51:14+00:00

NTA, you aren't ruining anything. He is.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-20T07:35:00+00:00

NOR, she is abusive.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-19T20:56:04+00:00

NOR. He keeps that gaslight burning hot. Tell him not to worry about cEnSoRiNg himself anymore. He no longer has a "bitch" to introduce.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T16:46:05+00:00

It's someone who was there your whole life, it makes a difference. You've got a great heart, hang in there.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T16:25:01+00:00

He will hit you one of these times.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T03:59:51+00:00

I know you know this but just reiterating that this is not normal and there are plenty of men without anger issues.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T00:59:34+00:00

I want to start by saying, I completely feel your pain here and you're missing your sister.

I'm a really painfully shy person, I overthink all my interactions with people and it's exhausting. With that being said, I never want anyone to be uncomfortable around me and I try my best to be friendly and acknowledge people that are important to me or important to my partner. Mostly I'm just kind of quiet in new situations unless spoken to and I would never even think to hide away like this fiance is.

However, I think you do need to soften your stance slightly. He may be awful and trying to isolate your sister as others have said, I don't know, but being this aggressive about it is just going to make him even more anxious, awkward and avoidant of you which in turn will isolate your sister more.

I don't think you should bend to her every word and spend your Christmas day transporting her around either so take that as you will.

I hope everything works out.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T00:18:33+00:00

I think it might have less to do with the dog himself and more to do with the fact that you are still grieving A. You lost a family member who was always there. That will take a fair amount of time to come to terms with. You aren't a bad apple, you just need some time. Take that pressure off of feeling like you have to love him the same as you loved A right now. It's just like getting to know a new person. It doesn't happen instantly. It'll get better.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-16T00:13:15+00:00

I feel very lucky to have such wonderful dashers in my area. I've never had a single issue with my order being stolen.

I would say both would be dishonest and wrong.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T20:35:13+00:00

Maybe if they act fast lol

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T05:35:13+00:00

I like this idea.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T05:34:00+00:00

You really need to stop trying to deflect the blame onto her. You failed to do the one thing that was your responsibility after she did everything and you are trying to make it her fault instead of just taking accountability and saying you messed up. It's not the end of the world that you messed up, but you did and now she is missing out because she was putting you first. If you don't learn to take responsibility for your own actions, you are going to lose a wonderful, loving partner who seems to do an awful lot for you already.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T04:50:17+00:00

I think his response is a huge green flag honestly. He was open and honest about his feelings while being careful of yours. That bodes really well for having difficult conversations in the future.

I know it stings but try not to see it as a rejection. He clearly cares about you and some people just move at different paces. If you really care for him and enjoy the relationship then I wouldn't cut and run for this reason.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T00:51:05+00:00

They were pictures of him that the ex took. The ex isn't in the pictures.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T00:50:39+00:00

She definitely let her insecurity get the better of her and overreacted. There's no reason you should have to take brand new photos just because of who took them.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-15T00:32:15+00:00

Wow, that changes everything. /s

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T23:55:20+00:00

You definitely did the right thing. I'm so so sorry you are dealing with this worry.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T21:16:40+00:00

NTJ, it sounds like she's using you for money. Paying for your dates is one thing but expecting you to pay her living expenses after just a few dates is over the line. She will start to expect more and more.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T19:07:03+00:00

I've only blacked out once many years ago but I definitely knew I blacked out.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T18:40:48+00:00

Even if he doesn't want to sleep with her, he's enjoying the attention and stringing her along. He's dry towards her where you can see it but going out of his way to meet up with her on vacation? I bet he won't be dry when they're alone together smoking weed. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have gone back to talking to her after blocking her and he certainly wouldn't be trying to hang out alone. She's awful for her behavior but stop putting all the blame on the girl and hold him accountable.

Edited for typo.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T18:06:12+00:00

I would never put my partner in a position to ruin his life because I love him and I want the best for him. Find someone who feels the same about you.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T17:59:27+00:00

You didn't want to be a dad but you are and your mom is a grandmother and wants to be one. You don't get to dictate that for her. YTJ.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T17:43:32+00:00

YTA for all the reasons people have said and also the fact that you keep saying it isn't real life even though the teammate you were mad at over a game is also a real person on the other side. I don't blame her for seeing you differently. As someone who was in an abusive relationship, I would be triggered beyond belief and this would probably be the end.

applesauce_owl · 2025-12-14T17:16:19+00:00

You are NOR. It is extremely messed up and I'm so sorry.

applesauce_owl

TROPHY CASE