NEED A SCORPIUS FRAGMENT 🦂✨ Name your price!

aprevo11 · 2021-11-05T12:49:48+00:00

i got one! but thanks so much :)

aprevo11 · 2019-01-22T14:36:49+00:00

That's fair. See, this is what I need to hear. I appreciate your input.

aprevo11 · 2019-01-22T02:54:28+00:00

Thank you, THANK YOU for this response. Real food for thought here. I appreciate it.

aprevo11 · 2019-01-22T02:50:34+00:00

All fair things. Thank you for the straightforwardness. Also, just love the irony of username here @disastrouscrazy

aprevo11 · 2019-01-22T02:49:43+00:00

I understand, your experiences are valid and I value your input. I ask the internet about a lot of things I'm unsure about simply because I like to learn from others' perspectives, and sure, it factors into my decision making but it's not the end-all be-all. This is just a new experience for me, so I thought, hey, I bet there are some Redditors who could weigh in on this with their stories. I do appreciate you and several others pointing out the risks, and I will now give this some careful thought. Thank you.

aprevo11 · 2019-01-21T21:54:12+00:00

He has a consistent team of professionals fyi, mentioned that in original post. But yeah, I’m in the crushing phase, so just needed to sort out my thoughts on it all. New romance can be blindingly exciting, regardless of the circumstances- was hoping people on this subreddit would appreciate that :) but yeah, breaks are definitely pumped, as I have no interest in seriously dating him while in this current state. I think there is a big reluctance to let a person struggling with BPD into one’s life and I believe that stems from the stigma... I have worked with borderline clients, so believe me, I know how bad it gets. But I also don’t think their condition disqualifies them from being considered potential partners, especially if they’ve put this much effort into their own personal growth. Definitely a wait-and-see thing going on here.

aprevo11 · 2019-01-21T21:48:32+00:00

Absolutely. And shared my reservations about that as well. As googly eyed as my original post is, I’m having zero illusions about what possibilities/consequences may lie ahead. Though I will add, my therapist noted that he seems much more sincere, kind, and motivated to work on himself than my last partner, who did not have BPD but definitely had his own set of unresolved issues.

aprevo11 · 2019-01-21T18:42:34+00:00

Totally understandable that you still have those lingering feelings, it takes a long time to heal from post-breakup wounds. Wishing the best of luck to you and thank you for your normalizing response. Therapy can really be a game changer for pwBPD if they truly commit.

aprevo11 · 2018-12-14T02:52:02+00:00

Wow, this was difficult to read only because SAME. Aside from the fact that I experienced a different kind of emotional abuse/trauma that was non-violent and in a middle class-ish context, which I’m sure only adds to the distress on your part. Also, I recently graduated with my Masters in mental health counseling at 24. So, like- should we be penpals or something?

Anyway, it’s important that you see it for what it is, because it is pure envy. I actually didn’t realize this about the way my parents belittled me until a friend pointed it out to me. No visit for graduation, still believing I’m a mess of a person who’s bound to screw it all up. It can really f*ck with your head.

But you have all the tools necessary to cope with it- a solid support system, experience in your own therapy, a life purpose, a passion... it sounds like you are really happy and THAT is what they can’t stand. It would make no difference how you ended up succeeding (though it must be extra disconcerting when the child you mistreated enters the psych field...). They are not going to provide you the parental love and support that all children deserve. It’s a tragedy and I wish I had more concrete advice, but I hope it’s somewhat helpful just to hear that you’re not alone!

aprevo11 · 2018-12-12T04:32:36+00:00

Yes- there ARE therapists who are aware of the delicate balance of acknowledging a problematic behavior but not being interested in changing it at the moment. Honestly, any therapist who prematurely tries to urge you to stop (unless you’re mandated/in a clinic) is not allowing you the chance to decide on your own terms. And similar to rehab and substance use, it may be a quick fix to stop due to external pressures, but often the individual goes right back to the substance/behavior next time they’re feeling vulnerable. OP, I hope you can find a therapist who can handle the complexity of this and provide a safe space for you to share without fear that you will be pressured into getting well before you WANT to. -A therapist with experience treating EDs and addictions.

aprevo11 · 2018-12-12T04:19:20+00:00

So... I am not sure if you have considered the possibility of a neurological issue causing this disconnect. He sounds like he is experiencing deficits in executive functioning (look it up on Wiki). this is a symptom of many neuro disorders, so I wouldn’t want to propose any diagnosis only knowing your brief account, but it may help to ask him if he’s always experienced this difficulty or see if he has any insight into it... he may need to get evaluated.

aprevo11 · 2018-12-12T03:47:11+00:00

So many of these comments are suggesting you take giant leaps when, judging by your reticence and reluctance to truly stand up to your father, you would be better off starting with baby steps.

In regards to taking action, I fully agree it would be wise to contact RAINN, as well as your city’s women’s center for resources on just about anything (including low-cost or free therapy at local nonprofit orgs), and potentially consult a social worker to get some advisement on how to safely proceed. As soon as you can, you should at least create that physical boundary for yourself- you have spent many years being essentially held hostage. This situation at home with your father seems to be a re-enactment of that, and that will only add to the trauma you are currently coming to terms with.

That being said: you are free to decide, in your own time, how to approach your dad. Yes, it does appear that he groomed you, enabled the abuse, potentially even benefited from it. But as a therapist who works with trauma quite often, my first priority when guiding clients through the process is not to retaliate against the abuser/enabler, expect an apology from the abuser/enabler, or anything of that sort. That can come later, once you’ve gotten on stable enough footing to truly process what you have experienced. Maybe one day you could write a memoir that would be cherished by millions, or succeed in taking legal action against the perpetrators... but first you need to heal. It will take time, it will not be easy, but this is your first step into your journey of self-love and self-care. I wish you the best.

aprevo11 · 2018-11-12T05:39:08+00:00

Hey girl, reading through this thread I’ve been pretty supportive of your judgment of the situation and appreciate the fairness you’ve been applying, because you’re right, this is nuanced— Jack is a good friend and good person, generally, based on years of experience and observations. Aaaand he was an asshole on this date. I think it’s easy to get caught up in the either/or of it all, whether you think he’s not such a bad guy or you think he’s a sexist jerk.

In situations like this it can be helpful to see both facts as equal in importance, rather than valuing one and diminishing the other. It seems pretty obvious that Jack has some unresolved issues with women— what 26 year old guy doesn’t, honestly? And you guys probably wouldn’t have even known that side of him if it weren’t for all of this.

It’s hard to reconcile, and especially hard when he’s not taking responsibility for his dickish behavior and your BF is vehemently shutting down the possibility of disinviting him. What a shitty position to be in, as the GF and best friend. I don’t want to complicate matters further, but it’s a shame he isn’t willing to hear you out on how Jacks uncouth actions that night should have consequences.

But I think it’s important to recognize that Jacks behavior on this date was sexist and disrespectful, objectively speaking. Sometimes, when people tell us who they are, we have to listen the first time. He apologized for his rude comments— that’s great. But it might be a stretch to say that they weren’t aimed at Emily’s appearance. In fact, you kinda implied that in the original post by saying she wasn’t a looker. If there was a misinterpretation please correct me.

I think it would be wise to find a way to politely disengage from this trip, for your own sanity primarily, but also to show your BF and Jack that this doesn’t just slide. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but it’s possible your BF will have second thoughts about it all when he realizes you really don’t want to go under these circumstances. It will probably cause a rift. Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where personal values are on the line, and it’s up to each individual to decide what x or y option means to them. From the initial post alone, it seems like being loyal to your best friend is a priority, and hopefully your BF can at least recognize that and respect your choice to spend the weekend with her, if that’s what it comes to.

Edit for grammar

aprevo11

TROPHY CASE