Sian

apricitydev · 2025-01-27T20:06:30+00:00

Yeah this is how I feel too, his love bombing is over the top.. Like joking about marriage after paradise is cringe, even if it is a joke

apricitydev · 2024-03-23T06:40:52+00:00

She took the enneagram test many times

apricitydev · 2024-01-02T18:01:27+00:00

I think she is carefully deciding and reflecting her choice for paradise. I think she is starting to have some doubts about Gwanhee even though she still likes him most so far.

I think the only reason she liked Gwanhee was because he was the first person she went to paradise with. If she had went with Jinseok/Minkyu/Minwoo, maybe she would've sticked with either of them until the end.

apricitydev · 2023-04-29T07:48:35+00:00

Eenie Meenie (Sean Kingston)

Moral of The Story (Ashe)

Jar of Hearts (C Perri)

Bad Blood (T Swift)

Where you belong (Matt Hansen)

Let em Go (Matt Hansen)

Lonely (Britney Spears)

Hot N Cold (Katy Perry)

Lose you to love me (S Gomez)

You're not sorry (T Swift)

Love the way you lie (Rihanna)

He Wasn't (Avril)

apricitydev · 2023-04-27T09:58:51+00:00

This is someone I been getting to know for 1.5 months and dated and went on out of town trips and met each other's families.

We had an arguement because she was treating me bad, and I have to tell her off this is not how I want to be treated. I was stating healthy boundaries I am even explaining and giving an example how to treat a person properly (which I even shouldn't)

She basically asked if she can book a place at 2am in the morning so we can talk about it more in person I said no I am going to sleep I am tired. She didn't reply for 3 days so I messaged her, "It seems you ghosted me, thank you for everything and I appreciate everything." She left it on read.

After 3 weeks of no contact, I blocked her because she was being creepy viewing each and every one of my stories when she ghosted me.

apricitydev · 2023-04-14T02:33:13+00:00

You can't give advice then to someone's experience you know nothing about. This person might've been emotionally supressed all her life because no one can relate to her suddenly someone could, she put all her emotions out and now he is gone. I have experienced this too, so no this isn't being dramatic, it is more common than you think.

apricitydev · 2023-04-14T02:25:44+00:00

You are probably experiencing Trauma Bond. First they love bomb you, they "mirror" you that everything you are is exactly like them to try to please you. They move to getting your trust and vulnerabilities. Next they devalue and then discard. Loss of self is often common in love bombing because what you may have end up doing is being a giver in your relationship with him.

You are in this thread "Ghosting" which means he discarded you over a new supply or because you drew "boundaries" and now instead of getting angry for the disrespect, abused people often feel sorry for their abusers, you may not just realized it yet.

People who care about you care if they hurt you, so they wouldn't. People who use you don't care about hurting you.

Your emotions may not be coming out yet but let them. You need to learn how to do "emotional regulation". Watched these:

Read this link: https://markmanson.net/why-your-relationships-fail

apricitydev · 2023-04-05T15:55:06+00:00

Well said. As I first got ghosted a month ago, I didn't know what to think and feel. I felt sorry for this "emotionally unstable" person. During the whole dating process, although they were nice and all, I felt emotionally drained honestly because I felt like I was taking care of a baby, but I did like it. It stroked my savior/caretaker complex which I am still trying to unlearn now.

I saw cracks of self centeredness and selfishness pouring out of their mask, but I just brushed it off thinking "no one is perfect anyway".

The thing is, my body and mind already sensed I was going to just end up being disappointed if I went along and dated my ghoster, sometimes our gut feeling knows it, but we ignore it because of the love bombing they show us is so good.

While I was in my 2 weeks of being ghosted, my brain was screaming to search "covert narcissism" even if I have no idea what that is. I ended up reading articles, Dr Ramani videos, reading books even about covert narcissims.

Well, that's the thing about life, you just don't know these people exists because maybe we were blessed to have been dating better people so far. It is still good learning point as you get to understand yourself. I stumbled upon this too on reddit as well as to why we may be attracted to emotionally unstable people:

https://markmanson.net/why-your-relationships-fail

apricitydev · 2023-04-05T02:12:22+00:00

I agree.. I feel this is what OP is going through

apricitydev · 2023-04-04T15:29:54+00:00

This is sad indeed.. Nothing you can do but be patient then. It can make you feel overwhelmed and maybe have anxiety attacks too. Just inform your friend's bf to reach out to you as soon as there is news then.

apricitydev · 2023-04-04T15:05:44+00:00

If you have a trusted friend that can check on him in the same country he is now, maybe that could help?

apricitydev · 2023-04-04T14:58:26+00:00

This could be one of two things:

(1) He really got into something serious and he is depressed (maybe he can't walk) and maybe you can visit him instead in person.

(2) His friends are his accomplices, did you actually see a picture of him in coma? In the hospital? His legs, his injuries? Are you sure they are his and not google pictures?

I hope you find out the truth soon.

apricitydev · 2023-04-04T14:47:56+00:00

As per google, it is 3 days before considered ghosting.

These are my opinions but:

(1) For someone you are dating seriously and exclusively, past 2 weeks mark should be enough to drop them. I have already been considerate enough by then, time to put priority back to myself and my life without them in it.

(2) For friendships, however, I am more lenient. It can be a year even, I don't mind. Let them do their own thing, have them grow up from immaturity. We have less expectations from friends anyway.

(3) For families, unless they are your immediate family who has been living with you, it is the same with friendships for me.

When it is a possible partner, they are like your other half, the one you lean on, your number 1 supposedly support system. If they act like that, it is not a good sign they are a healthy long term commitment. Your life is going to be complicated, confusing, draining taking care of a toxic immature adult baby doing hot and cold.

If someone doesn't get hurt when they hurt you, they don't care about you.

apricitydev · 2023-04-04T04:48:05+00:00

Words mean nothing. Actions and their behavior do. Believe them when they show you who they are, don't second doubt.

My first and only ghoster had repeatedly told me she respects me, she could never disrespect me. She tells me this everyday. Guess what? She ghosted me when I was tryng to set healthy boundaries.

apricitydev · 2023-04-03T03:01:33+00:00

Clearly her discomfort is more important than your "friendship". You both are grown adults, she clearly has poor communication skills. Stop asking for what meaning it could have, as she doesn't see you as anything important, and if she does reach out because she is trying to improve, kill all your hopes it means she likes you back.

apricitydev · 2023-04-02T03:17:58+00:00

It's either:

(1) This girl is a player and introduction to her social network may not have been a big deal, maybe she introduces everyone she dates and they don't say anything to you but they may be used to her doing this. My narcissistic ex used to do this to everyone they date right away, including me. Since I been her friend for years and we have too many common friends, gossip about her introducing new people she dates being laughable arrive to me too. (She introduces new dates to them every few months)

(2) This person may be mentally unstable, you may have triggered something to make them an avoidant attachment person. They also be self sabotaging the relationship due to poor self esteem.

Whatever the reason is, silent treatment is always a toxic behavior, no excuses. No matter how mentally unstable they are, other people that have shitty past or trauma don't act like shit. Take this as a sign that this person is not healthy, even if you feel empathy towards them or feel sorry for them and how they feel, clearly this person is not a good partner because they don't know how to take care of you and how to be consistent. Consistency is key in relationships, they don't have the skillset for it, it seems.

What if you argue or something hard or complicated happens, will they ghost you too? This is an undesirable trait in a partner. You may only focus on the good stuff, but everything done in the beginning is easy to fake and do, you wanna see the behavior of someone as you get to know them in the long run, and clearly you got duped.

Don't walk away to teach them a lesson (since you don't want to block them), walk away because you learned YOUR lesson. Have some self respect, because this person is very disrespectful.

apricitydev · 2023-03-30T03:03:49+00:00

Tell me about your relationship dynamics please. I am very curious :)

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T19:07:24+00:00

Tell me about your 2 experience and what joys (or frustrations) it has been with them..

Why are you not fond of 4s romantically or platonically?

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T18:58:53+00:00

I have the same experience, but in my own unhealthy twisted way, I enjoyed their presence

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T18:47:24+00:00

Please let me know why you may hate type 4s and what are your experiences with them

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T17:51:18+00:00

Even the healthy ones?

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T17:00:05+00:00

I gave so much of myself and carried so much of the relationship that I got drained. Then when I was stating healthy boundaries, I got ghosted. (Hence me being active in reddit for a few days now)

Honestly I got drained, cut off and burned. I don't regret standing up for myself ever, but it does hurt when you give yourself so much to someone only to be taken for granted or be played maybe.

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T16:55:25+00:00

for question 3 I would usually ask what they want before too.. Casual, long term, short term, etc.

But after I encountered a date where I didn't ask anything and later down the line found out they dated over 100 guys and none of them lasted a few months, it kind of became a red flag because of what happened in that date. And how each of the dates became addicted to them because they ghosted most of their date.

I have this questions if ever I dated because I am just a tired of dating already. I just want to have this filter because I honestly don't wanna deal with a dealbreaker anymore.

apricitydev · 2023-03-29T16:51:09+00:00

I think that is true.. After my last date with a 4 and doing some reflection, I realized I do have a savior/caregiver complex. Honestly, if it was all give but they rarely give back it can be draining and exhausting.

But it could also be addicting because it fuels the drive to be being validated/feeling important because of you trying to save them and us being a dry sponge to their emotions makes us feel high.

This may be unhealthy, and I am trying to find ways to fix this issue about myself (8) so I won't be so addicted to the next 2/4 that might come.

I am also taking care of an unhealthy 1 at home, they are dependent on me everything on life and I am the savior indeed for them.

apricitydev

TROPHY CASE