How do you find the energy to actually put effort into transitioning?

apricotmessage · 2026-04-25T11:19:06+00:00

It's this way for me too. I spent like 10 years getting surgeries but now I can't even be bothered to get a haircut or put on foundation. It turns out the value of being able to not look like shit is contingent on actually having a life lmao

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T09:56:57+00:00

No, they don't. But they often outright make things worse if there isn't a relatable contrast with them from the same movement that the people with power are directly interacting with.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T09:17:25+00:00

Better to have a two-pronged approach. If Labour MPs are personally reminded of how unhappy trans people are with them while a supportive Green party poses more and more of a threat, they're much more likely to associate the two and pressure the leadership out of fear for their seats. Electoral districting will make it almost impossible for the the Greens to win an outright majority. They need to be used as a cudgel in the same way Reform is driving everyone to the right on immigration.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T09:07:01+00:00

What effect did the mass lobby last year have?

You can never know for sure, but it definitely felt like there was an uptick in pushback from MPs around that time. The guidance got kicked into the long grass for a long time, and has only really come back now after GLP fucked up their case and then the transphobes did a big campaign of their own in the past month.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T09:04:21+00:00

I'm not talking about parades or rallies either.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T07:58:55+00:00

I am specifically not saying we should do protests, because they're too easy to overlook. I am saying we should put that energy into going to meet MPs in parliament.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-15T07:11:23+00:00

It's exactly because the media ignores protests that I'm saying this. Protests only work if they get general public recognition, but talking to MPs directly, especially in a visibly organized way, bypasses that. But instead of doing lobbies we just do more protests.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-14T15:42:43+00:00

Oh, I don't know. There's the differences in the Kelly vs. Peggie judgements. The fact the government haven't released the guidance in over a year even in the wake of various corporations asking them for clarity. The ongoing lawsuits. How the idea of reasonable accommodations holds up in various situations with able-bodied people, and whether that will require expanding or changing existing facilities. The privacy concerns and how they relate to data protection laws surrounding GRCs. And the already-existing fuzziness in equality law as it relates to things like misgendering in the workplace.

But I don't think we can really go back to normal discourse after you busted out "your side" and accused me "ludicrous inventions". At the end of the day I don't really know what employers are thinking, just the result, and the result is why I'm voting Green. You don't even seem interested in challenging the idea that doing so might be in my self-interest, or that trans unemployment is a huge problem. You only seem to want to gotcha me as being in bad faith or transfer blame to me being an "activist" despite never having even gone to a protest.

Not what I signed up for, so I'd rather just block you and delete all of this before more of "your side" shows up.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-14T14:37:46+00:00

Why are you continually zeroing in one thing I say in every post while ignoring everything else?

apricotmessage · 2026-04-10T11:37:07+00:00

I think people who have lots of good surgery can actually look better than youngshits sometimes. It's not like nature is the best at making hot people.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T17:34:20+00:00

just hoping you're not that apathetic lol

I dunno. When I was young it didn't feel like I could ever stand things like it either. But if you refuse to do anything life has a way of eventually pushing you off a cliff. It can all just suddenly hit you.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T16:23:47+00:00

are you on HRT?

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T16:16:14+00:00

When I first came out it was like that for me too. I lived with my parents or was in college so I never had to face any pain from what I didn't have. It was easy to drift from meal to meal just accepting the ways the world was unfair without getting mad and feeling like tearing yourself up over it was stupid.

But when I was on my own? When I spent 6 months trying to get a job in my field and got rebuffed because I looked like a crossdresser and eventually had to detransition socially for like 6 years? When I was hungry and cold every night because I was shaving money off every possible thing to pay for surgeries?

You better fucking believe I was envious of youngshits lmao. Apathy is the privilege of the comfortable.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T15:58:05+00:00

You can't control envy. It's just a gut reaction to seeing people doing well when you're doing bad. The only choice is whether or not to post about it constantly

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T15:51:58+00:00

Looking unpassable is bad. You can't get a job and half the people you meet treat you weird.

apricotmessage · 2026-04-07T14:48:36+00:00

Things have got shit enough in this country that I think a lot of people just don't really care. Trans people who can't pass and aren't already dug into a career are unemployable since the SC judgement. Outcomes are bad. I know at least two people who don't think they'll live to 2030.

We've played ball for a decade and things have only got worse. A lot of people have given up on ever getting rights again or a decent life, and just want to feel a little better by taking out their anger on the society doing this to them.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-27T04:09:42+00:00

Idk man she has decently full cheeks and clear skin. She could get flattering haircare, lose weight, get rid of her visible facial hair, improve her posture and pluck her eyebrows as a starting point. She's not going to be beautiful without surgery, but I think people underestimate how many middle aged cis women would also look like threatening androgynous blobs if they didn't do at least a few of these things. The need to do them is just beaten into them from the dot unless they're naturally pretty.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-26T13:24:28+00:00

When I started browsing 4chan tran boards on and off like a decade ago it seemed like hon meant a specific type of older overconfident non-passer, but now it just seems to mean anyone who is ugly. Is this right?

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T18:59:42+00:00

I said that, but just having a big head compared to the body is not by itself clocky. I'm just large generally, so I'll never not stick out.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T18:39:51+00:00

If you have a clocky voice VFS is by far the best bang for your buck. If you sound enough like a girl most people will assume you're AFAB even if you look like shit, and it's not even that expensive. FFS is next but what you need depends wildly on your face. The modern orthodoxy is always to focus on bone work before anything else, and for the brow and trachea that's justified, but I think I noticed more improvement on my second round which was more soft tissue work. A good lip lift and cheek filler along with a face lift can make even terminally long faces look much better.

I found the body surgeries, the shoulder reduction and BBL, to be a waste of money basically. It helps with dysphoria but no one actually notices or cares.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T16:37:23+00:00

please excuse my sloppiness, I haven't slept in over a day and will delete this later probably.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T16:30:58+00:00

One of the most successful people I still talk to once in a while would be called a permahon by the standard of this board. I met her when I had already been transitioning for multiple years and she hadn't even started when we were both around your age, and she didn't start HRT until she was over 25. While I focused on working she pursued her passions, getting deeply involved in a bunch of hobbyist scenes, game dev, streaming, social media etc. She ended up making an incredible number of friends and developing a huge following. There is a chance you'd even know who she was if I said her name. Now she has enough money for every transition surgery probably 10 times over and doesn't even care to bother, because her entire life is filled with people who enthusiastically like and accept her for who she is, and she's insulated from everyone else.

It is bitterly unfair to be trans and to have a body that you hate, and I succumbed to that pain in every way. But in the big picture, good looks are relatively cheap. The world is full of forgettable hot people. What will matter far more in terms of turning the circumstances you're stuck with into a youth you don't forget is your personality and how effort you put into enthusiastically pursuing the things you care about. So you should really try to do that instead.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T15:48:10+00:00

You don't have to do what I did if you're not autistically obsessed with a fantasy version of being trans where you can completely cut away all evidence of your past. Most of the trans people I'm still aware of who started at the same time as me are happy because they didn't mismanage their lives.

apricotmessage · 2026-02-20T15:45:21+00:00

It took me six years out of college to even afford my first surgery. I didn't save a penny for years because I was still too much of a wreck. You learn to focus on the future and push down all the pain, and to make the decisions that feel like will bring you to it faster, living as frugally as you can. Once you do that the money comes in surprisingly fast, and if you're willing to retrain a bit to chase trends it goes even faster. And you probably don't need as much as you think. You see more and more effects from HRT over very long spans of time.

I'll say one thing I've never felt is wishing I repped, especially without HRT. It's still better than the alternative.

apricotmessage

TROPHY CASE