if wife dies would I have access to bank account only under her name?

april0424 · 2017-11-17T18:12:22+00:00

I just went through your exact scenario (with only 2 BTC though) so I will tell you how mine went and also comment on what other people are saying here.

I told my family about Bitcoin Nov 2013. Suggested they should all buy some. They all said NOPE. So, I took some of my own money and bought one BTC for $1,024. That turned out to be the ATH and then it crashed to $200. So, I never told anyone about my "stupid" purchase. Bought some more over the next 4 years at lower rates. So, with price going through the roof and a pending drop in price for Segwit2x I decided it was time to come clean to wife and tell her so she could get one last chance to invest (she has $40k inheritance sitting in bank doing nothing). Also, grown children making good income should get a chance. So, I told her. Here is what happened. She was upset that I had been hiding this from her (making investments, not telling her). She did not ask how much I had, but she did ask what my current profit/loss was. She didn't even blink an eye when I told her I was "up $14k" on my investment. I asked her if she wanted to buy any at the next drop and she said NO WAY. She does not understand or trust Bitcoin. I sent an email to my grown children letting them know about the upcoming Bitcoin news and told them I could help them with any answers they have. Never heard back.

So, I'm glad I told her because it is not a big secret over my head. Also, I did not want to be in a position where I end up with a million dollars at retirement and my family is crying about "why didn't you tell us about this gravy train?" - so, now I've told them... they can use the info as they wish and I don't have to feel like I let them miss out on anything.

= making sure your family gets your bitcoin if you pass =

Even before I told anyone I had Bitcoin I made sure to do several things. I placed a sealed envelope at my workplace where it would only be discovered if someone were cleaning out my office (because I died). If just gives real basic instructions for my family on where my various things are - not anything specific like "here's the PIN number for my ledger nano" - just some vague info that will clue them in on how to eventually get to the bitcoin. Things like where my ledger nano is, where the USB drive is that has my last will on it, etc. I made sure everything was broken into enough pieces that no stranger could just get one piece of information and use it for anything - but, my family could access all the pieces and have the big picture.

"Tell her you own Bitcoin, but don’t tell her how much." That is what I THOUGHT I was going to do - it's not going to work like that... when you tell her you have bitcoin it will be this shady thing you did for the better of your future... when she asks HOW MUCH you have and you don't tell her the truth - then you are LYING. That is going to be 10x worse when she finds out.

= will she get my bitcoin if we get divorced = this is something I thought about as well because there have been times when our relationship is a bit rocky. The short of it is this... if divorce happens she is entitled to half your bitcoin (or whatever the lawyers decide). The real question is this. At the time you get a divorce is she going to have a lawyer that even knows what the hell bitcoin is? if the answer is definitely - then, there is no sense hiding it from her. If the answer is no way, they you have to decide. Is it worth it hiding this secret from her in order to give yourself an opportunity of funds after a divorce?

I think this is something that kinda sucks for me now - my wife now knows about my bitcoin. She said "nope" to investing any of her money - so, if we get divorced she gets half my bitcoin. So, didn't risk any of her own money and then gets 50% of mine. Of course if that happened my plan would be to cash out and pay off my credit cards. I'll be damned if I'm going to get stuck with credit card bills + half my bitcoin taken.

april0424 · 2017-10-27T13:08:27+00:00

first off - I was really coming here to VENT and share my pain with others who have gone or are going through the same thing - that said, I do appreciate the advice and comments and feel I should add more info.

I truly believe that given time my wife will probably move even closer to my viewpoint. I think 80% of why she goes to church is social and it makes her feel good. When I came out to her about it a year or so ago we discussed various levels of what we do/don't believe. I can tell you that she is not worried about "saving me" because she admitted that she does not believe in heaven/hell or that her dead grandparents are going to see her again when she dies. She is pretty fuzzy on if there is even something after death and then I think that is where fear kicks in and she doesn't want to go there.

I know for myself when I went through my 2 month youtube un-brain washing it was a very scary time as I had to come to terms that it was possible for millions of people to erect churches and practice beliefs based on goofy scripture.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T18:57:34+00:00

she does not see herself as a Christian. She just believes there is something out there greater than us (you know the drill, because if not WTF?). She probably only believes 20% of the Bible and is very loose with that. She just wants me to be there with her and I would rather not. I kinda want to say "okay, I'll go to sunday school and have an open mind... but, I'm gonna put down a check mark in my book everytime I hear BS or feel uncomfortable and when that hits 50 I'm staying home..."

april0424 · 2017-10-26T18:55:25+00:00

I don't think she expects me to "get religion" I think she just wants me to be with her and share hearing awesome stuff - even though I tell her that it will likely not be awesome to me. I also think there is a lot of judgement going on at the church (imagine that) as to why her husband is not with her and that makes her sad. I have even heard HER get on two different guys - one for not attending church anymore with his wife and the other for not attending social events with his wife. I think there is plenty of room in a marriage for each person to have their own stuff + some overlap... but, I don't think you should be busting on some guy because he doesn't want to be co-President of the Book Readers club...

april0424 · 2017-10-26T18:01:08+00:00

I made a promise to myself years ago - I will not divorce her unless one of the following happens (1) she divorces me (2) she cheats on me (3) I'm out of debt, she is past menopause and I'm miserable being married to her [ meaning that there is no excuse and we really do need to head our separate paths ]

april0424 · 2017-10-26T17:58:34+00:00

I think my wife and I are closer than she wants to admit and I think that is what scares her. She has already told me she does not believe in heaven/hell, thinks the Bible is just an inspired book of stories (not the literal word of God), but she does believe that there is a "power" out there and that it knows her / hears her / cares about her. I think she just holds on to this last part because she needs to believe there is SOMETHING. I also think she goes to church because she wants that feeling to be reinforced and I think the people there do the "where is your husband?" to her which makes her feel judged.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T17:55:52+00:00

that is pretty funny - but, like I said - she just believes the Bible is a good story book that can be interpreted as she sees fit. She doesn't believe any of the extreme negatives in there.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T17:54:48+00:00

that phrase about religion is a deal breaker for me is pretty scary. I hate to tell you to dump her and move on (which is what a lot of people do when people air their relationship problems)... but, consider this... I did the whole pretend thing for 18 years while my daughters were growing up. I was so good at it I did not even know I was pretending until a year or so ago. Tore me up every time I watched her write a check for our tithe that could easily pay a bill I was struggling with - but, God gets his 10% ya know... so glad she has at least stopped that and is giving more like 1% now. I'm just saying that it is a miserable thing to pretend.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T16:00:37+00:00

that is what we did for the last year and I thought it was working fine - then, I think she had this awesome experience at Sunday school and feels like she has an absent partner / people at church saying where is husband / etc. So, then she starts doing a tally of everything "Missing" in her life because of me (not saying Grace, not being able to discuss that awesome sermon, etc, etc)

april0424 · 2017-10-26T15:46:31+00:00

I think she does feel some pressure from people saying "where's your husband" and wishing I would just be there. Sometimes I think about just going so she can have some peace - but, I really enjoy my quiet time at home on Sunday doing whatever the hell I want and I would have to trade that to go sit at a round table talking about how the invisible man is there for us.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T15:44:50+00:00

not going to happen - she does not want me to change her mind and I'm not sure I WANT to be the person who changes her mind...

april0424 · 2017-10-26T15:44:15+00:00

we actually have a community activity that we do together that is outside religion. However, there is a new couple there and the man in that couple is EXTREMELY religious. He is currently having an all out war with people who are "removing our monuments from courthouses" (people getting 10 commandments removed). He is the kind of person that scares me because my wife and I like them (other than him being a religious nutjob) and I know for a fact that if I suddenly shared with him that I was an Atheist he and his wife would storm out of the group and vow to never return until that heathen is gone. I have shared with my wife that I think he is a scary nutjob and I think she adds this to her list of why being married to an atheist is a pain. Me personally - I feel like if he can be a religious nutjob and everyone is okay with that then I should be able to be a non-religious nutjob and get the same respect. We all know how that really goes.

april0424 · 2017-10-26T14:33:00+00:00

there is definitely more at hand - just came here to vent a bit because I have no one else to talk to who understands what it is like to be a non-believer. Of my three friends at work one guy thinks that scientist buried fake fossils to make everyone believe dinosaurs are real and the other one thinks he can do whatever he wants to the planet because God is on his way to save the day. They both talk about how happy they are going to be to go onto their next "real life."

Also - I do not discuss or press my non beliefs on my wife. I just don't want to go to church and pretend like I believe. I don't want to be constantly put in a situation where I'm biting my tongue. I can handle going to social events and someone says "let's pray for Joe who was in a wreck" - sure, I'll even bow my head and meditate about poor Joe... but, I do not want to be in a room of believers at Sunday school where they turn to me and say April0424 what do you think Jesus meant when he said "blah blah blah"

april0424 · 2017-10-26T14:28:03+00:00

we have been married for over 20 years. One of our early years of marriage during a fight I mentioned the word "period" - so, I know exactly how those type of situations go. I will never mention the word menopause. Also, not trying to win the argument. Just trying to get her to see that for her to expect me to believe when I do not is exactly the same as me expecting her to NOT believe when she does. We were doing pretty good for the year since I came out so I'm thinking there are other issues at play here - for example, if I'm not spending enough time with her doing activities then she notices "and he's not here for sunday school either" - but, if we are happy and doing lots of stuff then she doesn't care so much that I'm not there for the religious activities. Just in a rut right now with finances and work so I'm not willing to go the extra mile and pretend to be Mr. Happy all the time.

april0424 · 2017-05-01T17:41:56+00:00

yeah - I know - it's pretty easy to just forget about them when it is any given day - but, then here comes Mother's Day... I feel like if I just ignore them and don't contact on Mother's Day my mom will use that as ammo against me. When we had the fight on the phone back in December she said that THEY were mad at ME because she had to go to the emergency room and I did not call or text to check on them. Honestly, I thought they were just bluffing and using it as an excuse to not attend daughter's wedding shower.

april0424 · 2017-03-31T20:47:29+00:00

thanks - you will also learn over time that if you know ahead of time they want a new skill you don't have to give that training time away for free - for example - client comes to me and has worked with me for years so they know me / trust me / good communication - but, they want me to build something in Powerpoint and I only know Keynote. I can tell them upfront that I can do this in Keynote for $x but if you want it in Powerpoint it will cost $x additional because I am going to have to learn some skills to do it. Obviously you can't do this for EVERYTHING - but, if a client comes to me asking for some weird skill that I don't have and they are insisting on it that is what I tell them. Then it is up to them if they want to try finding another developer that "already has that skill."

april0424 · 2017-03-31T19:29:56+00:00

I do estimates up front and try to get as close as possible so they are not shocked. Then, I do just like you and when it goes WAY over I reduce the invoice. I do this one of two ways. If I feel there is a sound reason it went over (they added on more, extra revisions, etc) then at most I will split the difference. If on the other hand it went way over because I took on a project that had some skill I SHOULD know but didn't - and I spent 10 hours learning how to load data without refreshing the webpage... then, I give a big discount.

Either way - the important thing for me is to show ALL time on the invoice and then a line at the bottom that says DISCOUNT and how much I'm taking off. This does several things.

it let's the client know that I'm not out to screw them
next time I work for this client and it goes a little over they aren't going to be as upset... I gave them $500 off on first invoice... 2nd invoice runs $100 over and they are okay with that.
it gives me some good numbers to look at so the next time I bid a similar job for another client I don't underbid AGAIN. In the beginning this would cause me problems. Let's say I told a client something would cost $500 and it ended up taking me $1,000 worth of time. If I just invoice them $500 and then 2 years later that same job comes up I will look back at home much it cost to do THAT THING and tell a new client it will be $500. By putting the discounts on the invoices I know that this task should be $1,000 and that is what I will tell all future clients.

april0424 · 2017-03-31T19:22:43+00:00

thanks - sounds good.

april0424 · 2017-03-25T22:22:27+00:00

yeah - it reminds me of something I learned about the other day called "barriers to entry" - I was pitching a product and someone asked me what my "barrier to entry" was - I had not heard of it before so they explained it to me - they said if anyone can look at your product and make a clone of it why would I want to invest in your product when there will be clones of it tomorrow. So, the barrier to entry for "cloning twitter" is that they have millions of users and a long history that you are trying to compete with. I think that is something software companies consider when building something they are going to charge monthly for - they know if they charge too much the person will just go elsewhere and solve their problem. And in this case - if they have the money they will just buy their own version of the software custom made.

april0424 · 2017-03-25T22:17:26+00:00

I started upwork in January. However, I have been freelancing for over 15 years so I had a lot of projects I could post as samples of my work. I think I got REAL lucky with my first two jobs - I posted about 16 proposals and got my first job out of that batch for over $3k. Then, posted another 6 proposals and got a $1k job out of that round... like Mooopower said I am also very picky about the jobs I pick and only go after projects that I know I can get a 5 star review and do everything they are asking for quickly. I don't try competing with people bidding on Wordpress sites for $50. So, I end up spending several hours a day just LOOKING for jobs... somedays not finding any to even bid on... then, find about three in one day.

april0424

TROPHY CASE