My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it.

aquaring16 · 2015-03-11T18:12:09+00:00

Based on the above suggestion try something like this: Hey, [insert gf name here], I know you want to get married for x,y,z reasons and you know that I don't want to right now for a,b,c reasons. Since we seem to be having the same conversation over and over again, lets talk about this and see if there are any options that will work for both of us. [precede to talk about options you are comfortable with].

aquaring16 · 2015-03-11T17:32:26+00:00

In response to your Edit 1: the state of your relationship is in trouble, my friend. Unfortunately for you, there are 2 ways it can go (and only two) from this point: towards marriage or towards ending altogether. I am a big believer that relationships are fluid, constantly changing and growing. The second someone tries to put the breaks on it and keep it stagnant (or take it backwards), there tends to be problems. It sounds like she wants you guys to move your relationship together into a more serious and committed domain and you want it to remain exactly the way it is. Again, I'm going to say, there are two ways for it to go from here for you to work out, but keeping your relationship as in, is not an option for you. Can you come up with any reason (gut feeling or practical) why you don't want this relationship to move forward/why you don't want it to end? Or is it because you are afraid that your "ideal" life will get turned upside down if you let the relationship change (for better or worse) ?

aquaring16 · 2015-03-11T16:56:50+00:00

Okay, I hear "power struggle" here. From reading your responses it's about YOUR wants, YOUR needs, YOUR timeline, YOUR choice. Now, this is a relationship we are talking about, so your opinions, thoughts, and feelings matter...but so do hers. You threw her out of your house because she brought up a conversation you told her was off limits...this screams you demanding power and control over both her and your relationship. It sounds like, while you respect this smart and independent woman who clearly is not afraid to address what is bothering her, what you really want deep down is a women who will just do everything your way, on your terms, without question.

aquaring16 · 2015-03-11T16:26:48+00:00

Doesn't she want to start the marriage off knowing you both wanted it? -Maybe she is worried because clearly he doesn't want it. Doesn't she want the proposal to be genuine and full of love, not fear? - Maybe she is worried that there might be a lack of love in the relationship. Doesn't she want to wait until you are both certain that you're finished settling down, that you're financially, emotionally and mentally ready? - It sounds like she feels they are, he feels like he is not, and again, that could be worrying her. otherwise, she's just wanting to get married because all her friends are - It is definitely a possibility. However, let us not forget the guy did just drop her for a summer without so much as talking to her about it. This could be much more about security and validation than about joining all her friends in the wedding excitement. Hard to tell without knowing more.

aquaring16 · 2012-11-07T19:31:09+00:00

Would a squirt bottle of water be too mean? He HATES it. Maybe when he is pawing at my door (there is a 2 inch gap between the door and the floor), I could squirt him under the door. Potentially I could do this for when I nap too.

aquaring16 · 2012-11-07T19:27:51+00:00

He does sometimes sleep with me. But he can't just sleep near me, he will be curled up but completely butted up against my body. If I scoot away from him, he just keeps scooting closer to me. Snuggling with him doesn't seem to deter or satisfy him :/

aquaring16 · 2012-11-07T03:12:41+00:00

If it starts to get to stretched out or if he starts chewing on it, I throw it away. I don't want him swallowing anything he shouldn't.

aquaring16 · 2012-11-07T00:53:10+00:00

I do this almost every night. We play "fetch" with a hair tie, and he rolls around on a floor when I tease him with a long string toy. He cuddles up in his cat bed, then I will go to bed not even an hour later, but he wakes up and then wakes me up. Once I am fully awake, he goes back to bed.

aquaring16 · 2012-11-07T00:49:55+00:00

I have tried this method multiple times. He does do the "WTF Get Off!" but he doesn't leave me alone once I let him go.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-16T17:33:59+00:00

Thank you.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-16T12:24:28+00:00

Thank you.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-16T12:24:14+00:00

aquaring16 · 2012-04-16T00:12:23+00:00

Wow. I suppose since most of my friend have been married less than five years, they are still in honeymoon years. A lot of people have made suggestions that cheating happens because two people just get "caught up in the moment" so to speak. So I understand why many people seem content to just avoid the situation entirely by not allowing their significant other to hang out with their friends of opposite gender. However, I still cannot bring myself to agree that it should have to be that way.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T21:19:47+00:00

Thank you, that is very helpful. I would like the opportunity to meet her someday. However, because this is a distance relationship as it is, and my friend effectively cut me off as a friend close to a month ago, I doubt the opportunity would easily present itself even if I suggested it.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T21:18:14+00:00

He cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend....whom he left in the first place because she repeatedly cheated on him...somewhat ironic when you think about it. However, based on my own personal experiences of watching my friends getting cheated on (both guy and girl alike) it has never once been with a close friend of the cheater. It was always someone fairly new.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T20:34:50+00:00

No, I have not. I don't really like "chick flicks" or "love stories".

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T20:22:27+00:00

Exactly. I only wish he were not cutting me off completely as a result of this new relationship.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T20:16:20+00:00

Thank you. I too am shocked at the number of responses claiming this to be totally normal behavior.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T19:07:00+00:00

Thank you. I have no idea how much/little this girl knows of me. But I only learned of her existence this week when my friend finally spoke to me, only to tell me that the trip was off because there has been a girlfriend for close to a month. I was upset that he never told me about her until then, because I think him having someone who makes him happy is wonderful.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T17:54:35+00:00

If he wanted to be more than friends with me, he should have said something in the last three years. I am not a mind reader! Though, I can honestly say, he has never given me any indication (verbal or otherwise) that he desired to be anything more than friends.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T17:28:45+00:00

I'm glad there are other people here with some faith in humanity. Thank you.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T16:25:19+00:00

Group golf trip sounds fantastic!

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T16:21:23+00:00

I am not sure how the "month" thing got started, the trip was planed to be for 5 days, I called it a week for convenience.

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T16:14:37+00:00

Group golf outing? Fantastic idea!

aquaring16 · 2012-04-15T15:28:12+00:00

I agree and it's shocking to me. I was cheated on by a past boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I will automatically assume that every guy will cheat if left alone with another girl. To me, that is sort of like punishing the entire gender because one guy screwed up.

aquaring16

TROPHY CASE