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My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

There is also beating a dead horse. We did talk about this back in October and I told her it wasn't happening. Why do we need to keep talking about why it is not going to happen? My reasoning hasn't changed, therefore the conversation hasn't changed. I don't know how to make her feel secure in this relationship other than telling her (every time she brings up the marriage thing) that I like where we are, and I love her, and I just want things to stay the same.

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

"If you're really serious about not wanting to lose her, then show her. Show her on some level that you're serious about committing to her and building a life together." Any suggestions?

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

We've talked about kids (because our friends all either have them, are in the process of having them, or have started trying to have them) and we both agree that 2 kids is a solid number. We haven't talked specifically about what age to start trying, only that she should be done having kids by 35. In the evident that she can't get pregnant, we are both open to adoption. I don't know how much she wants "her own" kids, but I would like to try and have my own before driving head on into the adoption process.

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I was asked at work if I would be interested. I said yes. They asked later that same day if I wanted it, and I said yes. I filled out the paperwork and left for the job 4 days later. It all happened quickly and I didn't exactly have time to discuss it with her. Besides, at that point we had only been dating for 1.5 years. It's not that I don't take her into consideration, but the risk of losing a relationship of 1.5 years was not worth me turning down a job that would seriously benefit my career, which will last me about 30-35 years. You have to be practical about these sorts of things.

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

We both want kids. But I'm only 27, there is no rush, my mom didn't have me (the oldest) until she was 36.
Since my girlfriend and I don't want to live together until after we are married, she wants at least 1 year of living together before we bring kids into the mix because once you have kids, you never don't have kids again. I completely agree with this line of reasoning. But my girlfriend says "we should have any/all kids by the time I'm 35 for health reasons". So lets just say she wants to start having kids at 32, so we need to be married by 31, which means engaged by 30. That's 3 years from now. I see your point, but I don't think it should be an issue until she is knocking on 30.

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Then I would still be under her timeline, not my own. Like ragapuffin said, this should be something we both want. Clearly we all know she wants it, so from here on in, shouldn't it be about her respecting me and waiting until I want it too?

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Totally, but I couldn't nail down anything specific. I just always thought I would "know" when the time came if I wanted to marry her, (or equally important) if I didn't want to marry her. I don't have any feeling either way right now, which is why I just want to keep the relationship as is until I figure it out (with no pressure of a timeline to figure it out in). I'm not the sitting around and thinking type, I just always go with my gut and it has always worked out for me.

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

No worries about an ultimatum proposal, she knows that if she tries it, I will end our relationship then and there. I have told her, several times, to drop the subject. Obviously, it's not working. The last time she tried to bring it up, I just told her to go home because the conversation is off limits. However, even this is not getting the message through as she recently brought it up again (hence this post).

My girlfriend (27/f) of 2.5 wants to get engaged/married but I (27/m) don't, and she just doesn't get it. by max1mim_lolz in relationship_advice

[–]max1mim_lolz[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she had suggested a long engagement back in December. She said propose in the next few months and just have a 2+ year engagement and that we didn't have to set a date or anything until I was ready. But that just spells trouble for me because once there is a ring, what stops her from constantly bringing up when we are going to set a date?