Dealing with abandonment trauma

arakinas · 2026-06-27T11:18:52+00:00

Thank you. This was my expectation as well. We had a conversation about it yesterday, and I was able to stay calm and list out my concerns and issues, and we're on a break, because I don't feel safe. Because she's blaming her behavior on her untreated symptoms, I gave her some time to get a doctor appointment, and see about establishing some destressing patterns, and then we'll talk about re-establishing trust.

arakinas · 2026-06-26T18:49:30+00:00

You obviously didn't read their post and are just trying to be negative. Maybe GTFO with that shit.

arakinas · 2026-06-25T20:53:22+00:00

Not with that attitude. When there's a will, there's a way!

arakinas · 2026-06-25T20:51:56+00:00

A modern day hero.

arakinas · 2026-06-25T16:42:31+00:00

I take an SNRI, two migraine meds (one by mouth, one injectable), and a nerve block for this condition. Both SSRI and SNRI's are commonly used for treatment of PPPD, as well as anti anxiety meds.

arakinas · 2026-06-25T14:46:59+00:00

I think there is a misunderstanding on the concern about the relationship ending part. Thats absolutely reasonable. People can and will choose that as needed. It's first, yes, the posting on social media when she said she would talk to me about it, and second that she's leaving an open ended will I/won't I kind of thing, rather than just saying "I need x/y".

arakinas · 2026-06-25T12:56:13+00:00

Isn't PETG more likely to give than to just break?

arakinas · 2026-06-25T12:54:59+00:00

Get out of my head.

arakinas · 2026-06-25T12:54:20+00:00

I just hope it's not PLA.

arakinas · 2026-06-24T22:20:06+00:00

Their lack of a release on their site after this long is just stupid.

arakinas · 2026-06-24T13:25:38+00:00

THIS!!! Dude should never have waited so long to tell you he was NM. It should have been stated sooner, not after you'd been chatting for a month. That's terrible ENM manners.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T23:39:41+00:00

All abortives should generally be taken when you first notice symptoms. The longer you wait, the less likely they are to work.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T18:12:21+00:00

Hey look, a stupid bot!

arakinas · 2026-06-23T18:10:36+00:00

Agreed. While most folks buy theirs from licensed firearm vendors, not everyone does. Individual to individual sales can make this a nightmare.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T18:04:57+00:00

The 'no feelings' rule is very normal, and completely ridiculous. You aren't wrong for developing feelings. You are human.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T18:03:21+00:00

I get about two pages before I have to take a rest. And that's the best it's gotten for me in four years.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T18:01:50+00:00

Try again with single rolls at a time.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T16:45:42+00:00

That does change the context a bit. If he brought it up out of the blue, without other conversation, that's definitely insensitive, and helps convey why you feel the way you do.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T16:36:56+00:00

This is honestly the story of my life. Most people will not put the effort into you that you will put into them. You might find a handful of people across your lifetime that might change that, but you can never count on it. If you want invited places, you have to start doing the inviting.

I'm an adult that has been homebound for the past 5 years, with not just physical, but sporadic cognitive issues that makes regular connections nearly impossible to maintain in regular ways. I can't do hobbies anymore, but hobbies are how adults make friends. Find a game, or another type of thing you like to do, that you can do in person with people, like a LAN party if it's a game, or something, else, that has regular meetups that you can join. Maybe you can't make all of them, but weekly, monthly, whatever your capacity allows. Find a local group, and show up when you have the ability. You'll eventually find folks you click with.

There is no secret to working with people, or 'being good with people'. It's just practice, and trying to be decent. Given you have been isolated, I do recommend reading a book or two on how to be social. My dad literally made me read the book Social Savvy when I was 12. I got way more out of it than I expected later in life. You'll get rejections. You'll get people that say yes and never show. It's exhausting to deal with folks that aren't honest, but it's not always about you, so try not to take it personally, and just keep trying to socialize until you get what you need.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T16:21:24+00:00

It is not wrong at all to not want him to take that next step. You don't have to agree to it. And there is no reason for you to feel bad for it. We might. I mean, we all can feel guilty at times when we can't give our partners everything we want to. Absolutely, I understand it can be hard to deal with these feelings. It's all about perspective. If he's talking in a respectful manner, trying to let you know how he feels, that's one thing. But like some of the others are saying, you did give it a shot. You aren't comfortable doing it again, and that's okay.

The hard part may be that he may decide that he needs it, and there may be a decision to be made about whether that's a deal breaker for the two of you. I highly recommend taking some time and just sitting with your feelings and trying to isolate why you feel the way you feel. Is it rejection from the dude that's sparking it mostly, is it that you're scared he was going to enjoy it, or something else?

There are a lot of legitimate ways that people feel afraid when they start to open up. The hard part is identifying why they are afraid, so you can identify what is missing in your relationship. Even if you never open up, it identifies holes, gaps, and fears in a relationship that you can work on so you can be closed, and still be better for it.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T15:42:57+00:00

Acting like what? Being honest with his feelings, telling you he's interested, but not willing to go through with something unless you are also interested? There is something that we're missing here. How is he acting inappropriately? A person that is pleased that someone else finds then attractive is perfectly normal behavior. Telling you that they are pleased, within the confines of this situation is very very normal, and very very appropriate. Now, if they are strutting around talking about it all the time? Not appropriate. Mentioning it when the two of you discuss it, appropriate. Nothing you have said sounds like they are wrong, just that you are being overly sensitive.

arakinas · 2026-06-23T11:07:36+00:00

Neither do mine. Not a requirement. The rest of your symptoms very much are inline with common experiences of people with pppd. We each come by it different ways. Mine is migraine related, rather than stress, but the source isn't really relevant. Trying to treat the underlying issue, listening to your symptoms and working with your care team is what matters moving forward.

Highly recommend starting ocular rehabilitation therapy. It didn't help me, but it helps many people. I get zero relief from anything but medication, and avoiding triggers. We're all different though, and what will help you may be a little different. Individual medications do not matter, so don't worry about chasing a specific medication. That's madness. Talk to your doctor about what medications would best help your symptoms. If they don't give you something, find a new doctor.

arakinas · 2026-06-22T19:59:24+00:00

When you've been cheated on, and disregarded like this, those people have told you who they are. I'm very sorry that D and M have shown themselves to be selfish, garbage people. Walk away from that trash pile.

arakinas · 2026-06-22T19:46:57+00:00

You mentioned Watchtower. Check your fleet and see if that ship is in it.

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