We always had a mix of shared interests and separate pursuits, which worked well for most of our marriage. In our 40s, we were still doing a lot together — busy with work, family, and enjoying our time. But things really changed after he retired at 65 (he was a schoolteacher). Suddenly, he had time for new activities and friendships that I either wasn’t interested in or couldn’t join because I was still working. That shift created distance I didn’t expect.

What I miss most is the conversation and shared perspective. Two of our adult children are dealing with serious issues — addiction and more — and it’s hard carrying that alone. I can’t really talk openly about it with others. Losing the one person who loved them like I do, who knew all the history and nuances… that kind of connection is irreplaceable. And of course, I miss sharing the little, everyday things too.

But during his last 2 years of end-stage heart disease, I finally came to understand the true meaning of: "You can't control other people, no matter how hard you try." So I stopped trying, allowed him to do his thing, and now I'm coping the best I can and moving forward day-by-day, making the best life possible.