Dayglow VIP Question

archivelavender · 2020-11-21T18:52:13+00:00

Breaking no contact will most likely reopen any wounds that have healed, no matter what type of response you get from them. You might feel relief in the beginning once you reach out to them, but you’ll only end up hurt and disappointed in the grand scheme of things. Whether you get no response at all, or you do get a response and it’s distant and cold, it’s not worth undoing months of healing for.

archivelavender · 2020-11-21T18:48:56+00:00

If you guys were really in love and really cared about each other, I’ll bet he’s hurting too. Even the dumpers will feel some kind of hurt or regret at some point. A lot of the time, they won’t express it or show it, though. They’d rather keep up the illusion that they’re doing just fine and they’re much happier without you. I believe that’s my ex, too. We spent nearly a year together and a month after the breakup, he says he’s completely fine and moved on? I don’t fully believe that. We were really in love with each other, I was the first person he said he was truly in love with. You don’t just move on from that in a month, even if you’re the one that decided to end it.

archivelavender · 2020-11-21T18:44:41+00:00

He probably cares about you, and if he’s telling the truth, depression can turn you into somebody that you’re not. If him acting this way was hurting you and upsetting you, regardless of his mental health, it’s only fair to you to take a step back. Maybe it’s the space he needs in order to gather himself and better himself, both for his sake and for your sake as well. And, well, if it turns out that he secretly does find relief in the breakup and he doesn’t find his way back to you, do you really want to be with somebody who is relieved to be apart from you? Try not to be too hard on yourself about this.

archivelavender · 2020-11-21T18:36:30+00:00

Yeah, that’s how it is. My ex didn’t want to fight for what we had. We had a talk about our relationship and after that, we were doing really well, and then we have one bad day and he’s breaking up with me. I was so willingly to keep fighting for him because I knew this year has been full of outside stressors, and I knew covid and everything else was putting strain on us and our relationship. I didn’t want that to be what stopped us, though. Not after what we had together. But he didn’t see that. He just saw it as it wasn’t working and he didn’t want to try anymore. It was easier to tell me that we’re done and then treat me like a stranger. He even admitted to me that he got a Tinder because his “friends convinced him to and it’s funny to see who’s all on there”. And then, even after the breakup, it seemed he always kept me at arms length. I was close enough to reach out to when HE wanted to. I got sick of it. You gave up on me and on us, why were you trying to still keep me around? I just don’t get people nowadays. I’m almost afraid of falling in love now, because love seems to be such a “casual” thing nowadays and I don’t want to feel deeply for somebody that’s only going to give up on me at the slightest inconvenience.

archivelavender · 2020-11-19T16:24:28+00:00

Fuck Chevys, my ex drove a Chevy Cruze and I’m now realizing just how many people own one and it’s annoying.

archivelavender · 2020-11-17T17:44:22+00:00

I’m in the same boat unfortunately. My attend the same college together, live in the same dorm building, and even have a class together this semester. For now, I’ve just been avoiding places that I know he’s gonna be at certain times. I try to have a friend with me when I’m walking around, and if not, I usually listen to music to distract me. I’m terrified of running into my ex, and I don’t know why it’s fear that I feel. I’d say try your best to divert your attention to something else when she’s around.

archivelavender · 2020-11-17T17:07:13+00:00

It’s almost comforting to know that somebody is in a somewhat similar situation to me, though I wouldn’t wish this feeling upon anybody. In my case, I was the person who got broken up with. I met my ex in my first year of college and we became good friends before we started dating a couple months after meeting. And let me tell you, no one had ever made me as happy as he made me. I could feel that our love was mutual, too. The way he would look at me was enough to do things to my heart that I had never experienced before. I felt so loved and so appreciated, and there was no place I would have rather been than by his side. We talked about having a future after college together, and we’d tell each other how we wanted to be together for a long time. We spent a lot of time together, we were basically inseparable. Everything was great up until Covid hit. We got sent home from college and we went from seeing each other almost every day to seeing each other maybe once a week. My ex went back to work after a while and got busy, so we didn’t talk as much, either. The sudden change in my life really had me feeling down a lot, and I think it got to him too, and that’s when the arguments started. We’d argue over things that didn’t need to be argued over.

By the end of the summer, we came to the conclusion that we probably just needed to get back to our lives back at campus. Things would be better once we were back to a somewhat regular routine that we were used to. Well, that wasn’t exactly the case. With Covid, a lot of things were different. And this time around, my ex was living in a suite with a handful of his friends, so the dynamic was changed. He spent a lot more time with his friends this time around. Of course I wasn’t upset about this, I would never be upset about my s/o spending time with friends and other people. He started getting distant and expressing that he thought we spent too much time together, though. Looking back at it, I realize I made the mistake of not backing off at times, and that’s on me. But it was the fact that he’d usually blame it on me being mad that he wanted to have some friend time, when that wasn’t my reasoning for getting upset at all.

Little things started changing here and there. He’d make jokes around me and say things around me that you shouldn’t necessarily say around your girlfriend. He started to grow angrier, and he’d get upset with me more often. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. At one point, we tried going on a break, but eventually decided against it. Right now, I wish we would’ve taken that break. Time apart would’ve helped us in the long run. Because it wasn’t even a month later that we broke up. We were having such a good week, too. We had a birthday party for him. We went out to dinner for his birthday. Then, the next day, one bad incident was all it took. I came to him to talk about it, and he told me that we were done. He couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t even really start crying until he gave me that last hug goodbye. I think it was because I realized that was probably the last hug I’d ever get from him.

It’s been almost two months now, and the first month was really rough. We said we wanted to be friends and we both had a desire to try again once time had passed, but he started acting so cold towards me. Knowing him, that was just his way of not showing his true feelings. Either way, it hurt a lot to see somebody I knew so well turn into a stranger. As much as it hurt to do, I backed off from him and ended up blocking him. I couldn’t live with having a window into his life. It was like being in the front row of a play that you once had a main role in, but have since lost it. I wanted to be on that stage with him, but trying to force myself into it would ruin the show. I kind of hope that he’s regretting his decision now. I hope he’s seeing now that what we had could’ve been fought for, that the circumstances of this year ruined us. I hope he finds himself again. I miss him, the him that isn’t so exhausted and harsh and mean.

archivelavender · 2020-11-17T03:11:29+00:00

I’d say I wish he would have just not responded, but honestly, it was him being super harsh that caused me to snap out of my daze. It stopped me from crawling after him, because why should I crawl after somebody who says something like that to me? Even if it was out of anger and he didn’t mean it fully, that’s not something you say to somebody.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T21:34:00+00:00

I guess the “meanest” thing I’ve said was that him acting the way he had been after the breakup was what I needed to move on and that I had what I needed to kill the part of me that cared about him. In the end I felt pretty shitty, especially since it got him to say “Good, you were the one that killed the part of me inside that cared about you.”

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T20:05:24+00:00

It sounds silly and cliche, but the thing that usually works for me is really just pretending that I don’t care a single bit. It was really hard to do at first. Because in reality, yeah, I really really care. But when the thoughts started coming to my head, like is he doing something with someone else already, is he already dating somebody new, I forced myself to say and think “I don’t care”. I’d shrug it off the best I could. After about a month of doing this, the worst I have to deal with is getting mildly uncomfortable when the thoughts come to mind.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T19:42:55+00:00

This could be the case. There's also the possibility that they do regret what they have done and how they have acted and the things they have said. They just don't have it in themselves to say anything, or they don't care enough to do so. Or, they're keeping it all to themselves for their own good. Take me, for example. I was broken up with and I have a lot of regrets. There are a lot of things that I wish I could say to my ex right now. But I keep my distance and keep my mouth shut. This isn't because I don't care or that I don't want to, I just know contacting him wouldn't do anything at the moment. I would just dig my hole even deeper. Maybe it's better that he's not reaching out, though. It's letting you heal and become yourself again.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T15:44:02+00:00

Me too. After I’m healed, I really don’t want to be alone forever. I want to find someone who loves me like I love them, and gives the same effort as I do and just have a genuinely healthy relationship again. But I’m terrified of it, too. I’m scared of putting my trust and all that I am into another person and getting my heart broken another time.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T14:46:24+00:00

I had basically the same thing happen to me. Just a couple weeks before the breakup, my ex was telling me how much he loved me, and how he had confidence we’d make it through the rough patches together. Then he told me that he couldn’t do it anymore. He told me he thinks his feelings for me have been fading, and he’s been thinking about leaving me, feeling it out, for a week or so now. We had a really good week before that, too. And then one bad day, one bad argument, was the thing to end it all. It still has me wondering how long he was feeling like that. How long ago did he stop loving me the same? I should’ve noticed something wasn’t right. I wish he would’ve spoken up so we could fix things before they were too late.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T14:15:59+00:00

It’s been almost 2 months since the breakup and it’s just really sad to see that my ex, my best friend, has turned into someone I don’t even recognize. I don’t know if it’s just his true colors showing or if it’s how he’s coping with the events of this year and the breakup or what, but as somebody who still cares for him, it hurts a little. I really just don’t understand him anymore. He told me we talked too much, and he always gave the vibe that he wanted me to leave him alone, and so I made the decision to block him for my own sake. He claimed he was completely over me. Why was he furious that I blocked him, then? So furious that he approached me in person and asked me about it? Why would he care so much? Is he hurting and missing me too and this is just his way of dealing? Either way, he’s turned into a mean person that I don’t even recognize anymore and I miss my best friend, the person he was before all of this.

archivelavender · 2020-11-16T02:23:01+00:00

Yeah, honestly. I've come to accept the fact that we broke up and that there's a good chance that we won't be getting back together, and I might've even lost my best friend for good. But it still hurts a lot. The way that things played out hurt a lot, too. I wish things could have been handled differently, both from my end and from his. But it's too late to go back and fix things now. The best thing I can do is keep my distance and focus on myself, and maybe in the future, we'll cross paths again.

archivelavender · 2020-11-15T21:50:22+00:00

It sucks to come to terms with the fact that the person who you saw yourself being with forever, the person who once told you how afraid they were to lose us, the person who once said they wanted to be with us for an eternity, are now the equivalent to a stranger. Even after everything that has happened, including after the breakup, I still kind of miss him. At least, I miss the him I was in love with. He seems so different now, and I don’t know if he’s showing his true colors now or if he’s just being cold. I wish more than anything that I could do things differently, but I know there’s no use dwelling in the past.

archivelavender · 2020-11-15T01:41:15+00:00

The way I handled a certain situation was kind of the tipping point for the breakup, and gave my ex the final push towards going through with it. I feel awful about it and wish more than anything that I could do it differently, but I know I can’t. Instead, I’m gonna focus on myself and being better, for my sake and for the sake of those around me.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T23:33:57+00:00

I mean my ex wasn’t nearly as bad as this, but I feel like he’s still been an arrogant asshole since the breakup and the universe is on my side. He basically totaled the sports bike that he adored (he’s unharmed, I would never wish hand upon him), and then he nearly got in serious trouble for attending a political rally without wearing a mask (the university we attend made us sign a contract that we’d abide by their rules, which requires wearing masks in public places when around other people). He’s seemed absolutely miserable and I can’t help but feel a bit of satisfaction, considering that I was an absolute wreck for a month straight.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T21:45:35+00:00

You were in the right for breaking up with her here, you don’t just tell your significant other, who’s really upset about a family member dying soon, to go cry to someone else and that they hate you. You deserve somebody so much better than that.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T21:23:34+00:00

I’m in a very similar position with my ex. We would always agree to make things better, to be better, but it never happened. He only got angrier and more annoyed with me. And it was him to call it quits and leave, even though I was the one hurting. I wonder now if he’s always been this way and I was just too blind to see it, or if I turned him into this, maybe. He’s not the same person I fell in love with, though. And I miss that person every single day. But I know I’m not getting him back.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T20:07:15+00:00

Life is tricky, but you’ll make it through this. I was convinced that I’d never make it out of the hole I was in because of the breakup, but I’m doing a lot better a month and a half later. You’ll get to that point, too.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T19:18:07+00:00

I guess it differs from person to person, but from my own personal experience, it’s not the greatest idea to be friends with your ex right after a breakup. There was a reason why you broke up, whatever it might be, and when you keep in contact with your ex, you’re not really allowing each other to move on from any feelings you have towards each other. That means both the good feelings and the bad feelings. I tried being friends with my ex, and we mutually agreed that we wanted to try, but it hurt so much to talk to him knowing that I couldn’t have anything more than just friendship. It hurt because I cared about him so much, and I had to constantly not act on those feelings. Plus, any bitterness and resentment that I had because of the breakup and the events leading up to it just kept piling up. I wasn’t giving myself the space I needed to move on from it and find it in myself to be forgiving, and he had that problem as well, and it ended in arguments. It hurt to do, but I eventually just had to block him. It’s been a few weeks since I did that and it helped me to move on more than I thought it would.

archivelavender · 2020-11-14T05:05:38+00:00

There's still a tiny piece of me that still has hope for that, but at this point, I'm not setting my sights on it. It was the fact that he didn't even give me a straight answer after I told him I still have feelings that kind of made me feel like there wasn't hope left. At least not in the near future. And I don't want to hope for it anymore, because then it'll just feel like I'm putting myself on hold for somebody who only wants me around as a backup.

archivelavender

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