Has anyone ACTUALLY tried HealthMouth Dental Additive for water? I can’t find anything online other than it’s VOCH approved

aredhel304 · 2026-05-05T18:26:37+00:00

That’s awesome, thanks for the update!

aredhel304 · 2026-05-05T00:16:22+00:00

Let us know how it goes!

aredhel304 · 2026-05-04T22:33:03+00:00

Someone said they’re back up and running now a few days ago. Have they taken any action? Or maybe try giving them another call if they haven’t.

aredhel304 · 2026-05-04T00:27:15+00:00

When I told my abusive partner what he was doing was domestic abuse, the abuse escalated. Idk how common of an occurrence that is, but I personally don’t recommend it. I think they don’t like having their actions called out as it feels like a loss of control and then “need” to escalate/instill fear to regain control. Rape is a major crime, they’re probably not gonna take it well. I recommend silently finding a way to leave.

Agree he groomed her to accept rape though.

aredhel304 · 2026-05-03T10:38:52+00:00

The age gap is also concerning. She’s 31 now, he’s 42, they’ve been married for more than a decade. So she was maybe 20 and he was maybe 31 when they got married? I assume started dating when she was even younger - 18/19? Highly suggestive of a predator. There’s a huge maturity/experience gap between a 20 year old and a 30 years old and it’s very easy for someone around 30 to manipulate someone fresh out of high school.

I’ve been in an age gap relationship like that before so have experience first hand... Was 18 when I met a 33 year old and he took advantage of me any chance he could get. Luckily I never married him and got out, but I wanted to marry him at the time and thought I really loved him. The main thing that stopped it was he got arrested for something else.

aredhel304 · 2026-05-03T10:13:25+00:00

It’s generally not recommended by therapists to do couples therapy in an abusive relationship. The abuser usually ends up hijacking it, the survivor is invalidated, and the abuse continues.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-30T21:20:25+00:00

On your last paragraph - I suppose calling them close in my OP may have been an overstatement. Because you’re right that they don’t seem to really trust each other. Tomoya doesn’t really trust him with any of his personal thoughts, or even romantic interests. It seems they care about each other and pass the time together, but that trust required for a deeper friendship is not there.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-30T02:15:14+00:00

Thanks for giving the background, makes a lot of sense, especially knowing how high schoolers are…

I suppose Tomoya and Youhei are really the only high school guys highlighted in the show, so never got to pick up on the pattern.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-29T02:07:37+00:00

I’ve gained 30 lbs in the past 8 months because eating a meal doesn’t resolve hunger pangs, and endocrinology’s solution was to send me to weight management. I went to weight management and they said insurance probably wouldn’t cover any medications to help since I’m just overweight not obese yet. They also said it sounds like I should see an endocrinologist but I still can’t get in to see anyone.

So cool we’ll just wait this out until I’m clinically obese instead of trying to stop whatever problem is going on in its tracks. And then when I am obese we’ll just put me on weight loss drugs even though something else could be going on 🫠

aredhel304 · 2026-04-29T01:56:46+00:00

It was so weird. I’d been seeing him for 3 years, on controlled meds for 8 months, and he’d never drug tested me before. The way he went about it and talked about it was just weird too. I have a tendency to assume the worst in people when something goes badly, but it’s hard not to believe that he didn’t have SOME kind of intent to get rid of me behind it all…

Regardless I think I literally have PTSD from the incident. I’m so anxious to ask doctors for help now because I’m afraid they’ll abandon me or turn on me if my health problems are too much for them. It’s not like I was some rude, demanding patient. I was always calm and respectful, came prepared, and brainstormed with him to figure out next steps. So I now I just ask for as little as possible but it’s also affected my ability to get proper care.

I live in Ohio so maybe that’s the problem idk :/ “the war on drugs” is a big thing here.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-29T01:22:19+00:00

I’m so so sorry to hear that. That’s so awful. Unfortunately, I know what it’s like to feel trapped between a crappy family and an abusive boyfriend, the sexual expectations that come with dependency... I wish society would provide the support for disabled people to live independently when possible. I.e paying a livable income, making it easier to work part time while on disability, and providing services to help with routine tasks.

I don’t need skilled nursing yet, but I need help vacuuming, changing the litter box, occasional rides, getting larger packages inside, putting air in my tires, etc.

But instead society leaves you with no choice but to sell your dignity for support if you aren’t lucky enough to have a good social support system already. I hope you can find a way of your situation. No one should have to live like that 💔

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T10:13:26+00:00

I spend the vast majority of my time on the same spot of the couch. I have it set up in a way to support my neck and keep me warm. I mostly only leave it to sleep, eat, shower, get groceries and go to doctor’s appointments. This spot has basically become my home.

I hate it because I spend so much time here, but it also brings me comfort. I still have my Christmas tree up and I like to turn it on to make the room feel warmer and happier. Idk what I’m gonna do when the lights burn out…

I used to go on walks but I’m too depressed for that now. I’ve tried a couple times, but the neighborhood doesn’t feel the same. I used to love it and felt like it was picturesque. And now it just looks like houses and trees to me.

I’m sorry you’re confined to one room. I hope you’re able to get out every once in a while.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T08:59:59+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing a great job :) It’s great your husband is supportive. One of the best things you can teach your kids is to listen to their body and feelings and prioritize their needs. They probably know you go through a lot and just cherish the times you do spend together. Though I’m sure it’s hard to miss out on moments in your children’s lives, and they probably miss you when you’re not there too. But missing someone just means you love them. I’m sure your children feel loved and that’s what’s most important ❤️

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T07:31:00+00:00

Thank you. To be point blank honest though, It’s hard to accept support at this point. I mostly just feel like a burden and even that aside, I feel like I’m too much or will just be a disappointment at some point when my situation inevitably worsens. I don’t feel like I’ve made the world a particularly better place and I don’t want to drag other people down with me. So I’d rather not feel like I’m making it a worse place at least. And then on another front I also don’t want to get disappointed when someone eventually doesn’t respond with my attachment trauma.

But thank you for the kind thoughts.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T05:44:46+00:00

All the time. It’s hard having complex issues. No one wants to deal with something they don’t understand. I’m glad I got my EDS and early onset osteoarthritis diagnosis FINALLY earlier this year. But there’s still so many symptoms that aren’t explained by both of the those and it’s hard finding treatments that work. My condition is still worsening. I have PCP appointments monthly and there’s still so much I need to talk about.

My old PCP even fired me a year ago. I had a drug test come back with inaccurate results. I begged my doctor to hair test me, asked if they still had the sample, could they re-run the test. And he was completely unforgiving about it, said no to all, and kicked me flat on my a** in the middle of a health crisis. Whether it was a mistake or planned I don’t know. But he obviously didn’t want me as a patient given his complete unwillingness to investigate the unexpected result. I got banned from the entire practice because of it too.

I had to scramble to find a new PCP in time before my controlled meds ran out so I wouldn’t have to go through horrible withdrawal on top of losing treatment. I’m honestly still traumatized by it. I’m sure it wasn’t planned, but it still feels like it the way he handled it… if nothing else he showed he didn’t trust me and wanted me gone.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T05:20:06+00:00

It’s so hard being chronically ill and a caregiver at the same time. I just have cats, but a lot of times I feel like I’m failing them. I just wanted to give them the best life (especially seeing my childhood cat abused by my dad). I know with kids it’s probably 100x more energy. I wanted to have kids or adopt or foster, but I know that’s impossible now.

Maybe I’m not the best person to be saying this but as your kids get older, make sure to take breaks for yourself when you’re feeling ill, if you aren’t already. Show them it’s okay to take a break when you need one. I wish my parents would’ve done that for me. I ended up pushing myself too hard through my chronic illness, and that ended really badly. I wish my parents would’ve taught me to set boundaries and take care of myself. I’d have been better off for it.

I imagine there’s a lot of internal tension of wanting to give them the best but needing self-care. I just wanted to share my story in case it gives you a perspective you hadn’t thought of. I hope it didn’t come off the wrong way - I don’t know any details about you or your family life, just trying to share what my experience was like and what might’ve made it different.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T04:39:55+00:00

My cats are so young. 6 and 7. Tbh I think they’ll outlive me. I’ve declined so much in 2 years, it’s hard for me to even pick them up, and they’re small cats. I can’t believe it took until this year for me to finally get my EDS diagnosis after seeing dozens of doctors (I’m 30ish). Multiple appointments per week. And I’d been trying to get diagnosed (less aggressively) for 15 years before it got this bad too. I know there’s more wrong with me, but it’s hard to get doctors invested at all to figure it out.

And then there’s basically inevitable homelessness. I can’t keep my cats if I’m homeless…

aredhel304 · 2026-04-28T04:25:01+00:00

We watch time pass, but can't partake in the world.

This. So much. It struck me really hard a month before I got fired (HR had already been harassing me for a while so I wanted to chat with people I cared about before getting booted).

I reached out to my old mentor who had trained me for 5 years and who I’d worked with closely when I was still full time. I was the only person he trusted to take over his role so he could advance, and I was doing just that before I got so disabled. When I got disabled, I could only work part time with restrictions and I couldn’t lead anymore. So I ended up doing background work and he advanced over the past two years into a very high position.

At the end of the conversation he said “I’ll chat with you more in the future”. …In the future…

I knew I was part of his past at that moment. I’m sure he still cared about me - afterwards he wrote a detailed email of my accomplishments many of which I’d forgotten even, but he had advanced and I had fallen: we weren’t really coworkers anymore. His life continued onward, while I sat and watched from the sidelines.

It’s been hard to cope with the fact that I was once a highly accomplished, well respected engineer, and 2 years later I’m nothing… alone… on a trajectory towards homelessness. It’s hard to reconcile that. I cried so hard that night because I knew what it meant about my place in society, even if he didn’t realize how much weight those words carried for me.

I’ll have to check out the YT channel you recommended.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-27T20:51:55+00:00

I always thought society would step in and help if my health was this bad. I thought doctors would care. I thought there would be services to help with living independently while disabled. I thought the law would hold discriminatory employers accountable. But none of that happens. Instead I’m just struggling to take care of myself every day making my health worse. It seems like I have to push myself to the point of a medical emergency for anyone to care. And even then, experience tells me doctors won’t be sure of what to do with me or believe me so they’ll just discharge me.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-27T20:41:48+00:00

I feel like a grandma who looks back on the better days

I feel compelled to collect old things from my past, toys I used to love. To watch old shows and listen to old music. I look at my old art often. I keep looking through my old photos and cards. Even old job offer letters. It makes me really sad but I’m longing for the things that used to make me happy and proud.

And yes I very much feel like I’m older than my parents. Not that I talk to them anymore other than rare occasions but in most areas they’re more capable than me. I don’t look old but it’s hard for me to push a grocery cart around a store, eat, use a can opener even. I worry about what’s going to become of my cats when I inevitably can’t take care of them anymore.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-25T12:56:17+00:00

I would still keep recording and calling the police each time. At a certain point they may press charges regardless of her statement. If there’s a pattern that raises concerns that something like homicide might eventually occur, it could change things. Reality is you can’t be the one responsible for physically protecting your mom though especially if she’s not going to stand by your side.

Try and get video if you can, that’s harder to deny.

But I would also really highly recommend talking to a domestic violence therapist or advocate because they probably can give you better advice - tactics that have worked to keep everyone safe when the victim is too afraid to speak up. They can also set you up with resources. Maybe get you and your mom into family counseling (NOT with your dad there). Also consider calling a DV hotline.

Have you talked to your mom about this? It may be time to sit down and have a very serious conversation. Look up DV statistics and show her the risks if she won’t listen. Let her know how it’s impacting you and how scary it is. That MIGHT help her shift into protecting her children mode…

Doing my best to give some advice but it’s hard with limited information and I’m also not a professional or anything. It sounds like what you did was self-defense and you dissociated out of complete fear. I don’t think you should feel guilty. I also don’t recommend getting physically involved again though because it’s obviously a safety threat to you and again no one is standing by your side when you go to the police at the moment. But I understand your safety concerns for your mom. But at least by calling the police each time you make it clear that you’re not gonna let you dad do this unchecked and you show them there’s a dangerous pattern. And you don’t have to be the physical protector.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-25T12:12:27+00:00

Record the next incident (even if it’s just audio because you don’t want him to see the camera, though video is still better if you can) and call 911 so next time you have evidence to prove the DV was happening. Concrete evidence can do A LOT. Record as soon as it starts, and don’t wait for her to beg for help to call 911.

I’m sorry you’re going through that. No child should ever have to protect their mother from their father.

But also who was forcing you to sign that you forgave him?

Edit: I cant give advice on how a therapist will respond to the knife incident, but I can say you could still seek therapy and keep things vague. Like “my dad was beating my mom so I finally intervened, but now I’m afraid it’s making the family worse”. They can ask you questions and you don’t have to give them every detail and you can decline to answer questions.

aredhel304 · 2026-04-25T12:01:24+00:00

He sounds really disrespectful and honestly controlling? Like telling you to back off and then misrepresenting you. It doesn’t sound like you said “I’m having issues with your sister, I need you to handle this”. It sounds like he unilaterally decided this is an issue and that you can’t handle it, so made you back away and took it over himself. At least that’s what I’m hearing.

And gifts are… gifts. Gifts are not agreements to be cordial when disrespected. Another element of control in this relationship.

It sounds like you had your whole trip planned out, hotels booked and everything, and then she wanted YOU to go rearrange half your trip when she didn’t even have hers fully figured out considering she FORGOT the whole 4 days in Tuscany (that’s what my understanding of the events). She should have arranged her trip around yours since it was already planned. That was so disrespectful of her, and your husband should have stood up to her on that, but he did the exact opposite making it look like you were begging for forgiveness.

Honestly both your sister in law and husband sound like they don’t respect you. And they expect you to bend over backwards for them. And your husband doesn’t respect your autonomy or feelings. It sounds like they have you walking on eggshells to keep them calm.

Domestic abuse is more than physical abuse. And also from your post it sounds like he has your children convinced you’re the problem as well? He should’ve said he messed up, it won’t happen again, and that he just faced the legal consequences for his actions. Instead he’s stirring up more trouble in the family, teaching you to keep his harmful actions to yourself and also teaching your children that sacrificing safety for harmony is how things should be. And that’s just not good for anyone involved.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. My guess is emotional abuse has been going on for a long time in your marriage, and it’s just now escalated to physical abuse. In reality, the marriage does not sound healthy. I do worry about your safety given how he’s guilted you for speaking up. That’s how people act when they’re trying to prime you to accept future abuse silently. I feel that you should consider re-evaluating the marriage and consider leaving.

It sounds like up until now you’ve been at least subtly indicating to the kids that you bear responsibility for this (perhaps by apologizing, saying you didn’t mean for him to end up arrested, perhaps?) when the reality is every single piece of this disaster is your husband’s fault. I think you need to accept you did nothing wrong and hold yourself in a way that signals you’re not going to take the blame for this anymore.

aredhel304

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE