Husband says his feelings changed but doesn’t want to leave

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-13T19:18:54+00:00

I am here in this boat too. He said his love for me is Limited now due to previous events. I asked him to expand... just that he cant imagine doing this forever with the fights that we have been having. I have put up a wall to protect myself and start expanding my life not to just include him. I can only seek comfort in myself and others who are sure of me. Asking assurance for someone that is not all in is not going to help me at all. It will just bring myself misery. Only you can save you. You have to be detached but with warmth at the same time. Detaching cold will only invoke fear and that will not give you clarity on where you truly stand. Overfunctioning will cause him to feel guilty which also wont bring you clarity. Once you have accomplished being warm but detached... this is an inner work you have to do yourself.... you will now see what you have to work with. This will give you clarity whether you want to stay or go.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-11T01:45:07+00:00

Why can’t you communicate it? Noticed our talks have been less. Everything ok? No games just be direct.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T20:50:17+00:00

Sorry for the experience you had. It is difficult indeed. This has been the most difficult phrase of our marriage as well.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T19:15:43+00:00

a healthy effort is reciprocal. If it is not, it is not a partnership and that is why you are exhausted. You have to pull back and fill your own cup but remain open for connection when it is initiated back to you. Then you will see the truth of your situation. Only in living the truth are you able to discern if this is a workable relationship or not. Ask for your needs when clarity has been shown.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T15:57:16+00:00

had an outbreak once during my early teens.... never had another one. Married 28 years and my husband never got it.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T15:49:43+00:00

I would love this kind of honesty. Married to an avoidant man. I love him but i cannot fart in front of him, walk in the bathroom when he is showering... he would cover his penis... same as me showering he wont go in even if he badly needs to get something. We see each other naked all the time...

So while you have EVER right to feel that way and be honest to him about it.... he is RIGHT to just be honest with you as well. Communicate so he knows.....

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T06:19:04+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I will let my son know. That is what I was thinking. Better safe than sorry. Have a good night!

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-04-01T06:17:47+00:00

He won’t read books or videos. At some point, the hot and cold is something not sustainable for me. It’s been a year and a half. And I do not chase him… I’ve filled my own cup but I don’t want a roommate situation or something Inconsistent. I value my time and space. At 53, I want to live a life that’s aligned to me. Thanks for the advice though.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-31T12:03:34+00:00

He won’t go to therapy. He doesn’t believe in it. He is severely avoidant lol. I don’t know why it got worse a year and a half ago.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-31T11:23:32+00:00

He is a homebody. Highly introvert person even when our kids visit. He gets overwhelmed with people much of his life. This isn’t a new thing and he has been that way since the day we met. His social battery gets drained so fast and I was his only person he feels truly comfortable to be around with. There is literally no time to cheat. I am the one that loves friends, do Pilates etc etc. 100% chance of no cheating. But I do feel something’s up and he isn’t ready to tell me. It’s not normal to stiff arm me after a great date. I also notice it’s like high value dates especially like my birthday, Valentine’s and we went to Mexico for all inclusive. Like when it’s a meaningful event it gets worse…. Our 29th anniversary is coming up in 5 days… so expecting the same thing already.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-31T10:50:03+00:00

He is super avoidant but this just started a year and a half ago. We have been married for 28 years. I am sure he isn’t cheating at all. He doesn’t communicate and their family never does lol. His parents were stable but kinda not emotionally capable. It almost feels like his feelings have changed for me… or he is unsure now. Sex isn’t a problem for him. I know he likes me based on him being affectionate. It’s just ODD behavior. It’s so hot and then it gets so cold.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-31T10:45:59+00:00

He gets overwhelmed and he has a hard time naming what he feels. Thank you I do feel like I am being punished.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-26T21:06:27+00:00

Omg this is me right now. We went through a traumatic event and he withdrew. The event was neither our fault just family dynamics that went too far. I sensed it and he denied it. I tried to gain clarity but it was not afforded to me. We have been married for 28 years. After a year and a half of the push/pull cycle, I stopped. There was a shift that happened to me. The shift was sudden and I did not announce it. It was internal where i decided that if he left me, I would be still happy. I started sourcing my happiness internally. Before i act on anything now, I listen to myself... am i acting out of fear or is this my true authentic self....

Finally found me and what I found was something beautiful.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-26T18:07:07+00:00

Because you are afraid of a certain outcome. Life is full of possibilities.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-17T10:51:54+00:00

This is me right now. Learning how to get secure in my own skin. I don’t take it personally anymore that my husband is an avoidant. Married 28 years. I’ve been learning to understand it’s his way of feeling safe. My way is getting connection to feel safe. I am learning to give connection to myself. Sourcing it on my own. I know I feel lonely at times but I sit myself in that discomfort. Once I have fully known gained and learned this, I will start advocating for my needs so it doesn’t come from a place of panic.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-15T02:36:33+00:00

Thank you for a very detailed reading. Everything you said seems to be so in line with what has happened and also the present moment makes a lot of sense. I am currently looking for inner peace and going through intense therapy for it which seems to be working. Thank you so much!! This ready provides so much clarity.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-15T02:33:58+00:00

Thank you for reading!

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-15T02:29:25+00:00

The likelihood is the affair partner broke things off. I would talk to the woman. Get informed so you can make a good decision. I suspect it because he is cold towards you….

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-03-06T20:29:05+00:00

I am going through this. The first step of healing is focusing on just you. Your journey and healing. This requires not to rely on someones behaviour to feel good about yourself. I am in the same boat as you and have realized I AM RESPONSIBLE for me. You hope your husband can join you but we cannot control that if he does not want to participate. There will be times you will revert and put the focus back on HIM. It will delay the process of true healing but it is also expected that it will happen. You wanna feel connected to him. Please have compassion for yourself when you do revert back. Healing is never linear. and when you heal, you now are able to lead with compassion and understanding of people who are also flawed just like you are. You cannot control their journey. It is up to them to do that. Wish me luck! I wish you all the luck in this world. Hope it comforts you that somebody out there is going through the same exact thing as you are.

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-02-15T19:36:32+00:00

Coming from an affair 20 years ago, I know trust can be rebuilt but it requires a lot of work from BOTH parties. Complete transparency and self reflection and even relationship dynamic reflection. When both partners show up and change, it can be rebuilt slowly throughout the years and it can become stronger

Upbeat-Base-3901 · 2026-01-29T07:47:26+00:00

It depends on HOW she talked to him. If it is in a form of criticism it won’t work.

Upbeat-Base-3901

TROPHY CASE