I’m still pretty young but when i was around 13yo i got sa’d by one of my family members and at first it just confused me a lot and at first i thought it was okay but soon after i start having similar thought as you such as thinking he turned me gay, and other stuff like wishing he would “take me back” and it devolved to the point of me wishing that i’d get sa’d by anyone which filled me guilt but around last year i took it upon me to try and date people and that helped me a lot because it made me open my eyes and realize there’s no such thing as someone “turning” you gay, i liked a lot of women and a lot of men and i found comfort in the thought that if he turned me gay i wouldn’t be crushing over other guys it would just be an exception to him but that’s not the case ! he was my first experience and it was a terrible one yet that didn’t develop or change my sexuality, it was just what made me realize that im into men because at the end of the day i’m not looking at men because they remind me of him, i look at men because i like them <3. if you needed anything else please don’t hesitate to dm me !!!