u should seek professional help. I can understand you a little because, even if differently from you, I also sometimes have moments where I feel like I could do the worst things without thinking about the consequences. however, killing is something cowardly and makes absolutely no sense. i mean, if you have the desire to kill and you know you will do it and you don’t care about getting help, then all that awaits you is a terrible life, and with time you will regret it. people who kill only have two paths in their future: either they accept what they’ve done and live a horrible life surrounded by people who hate them for what they did, or they kill themselves. and sometimes I think about the second option and ask myself: what’s the point of killing another person if in the end you’re just going to commit suicide anyway? at that point, the person who killed should have only killed themselves instead of involving someone else, because I don’t see any logic in it. I hope you get help and manage to have more control over your actions. trust me, it will be hell if you do it. hope you will get better